Have you heard the expression, once a cheater, always a cheater? What about this statement, cheaters never change? If so you believed it didn't you? You've probably thought to yourselves, "I could never cheat on someone, or even stay with someone who's cheated on me!" Well guess what, everyone has had that same thought once or twice, until it happens...You cheat on your mate or your mate cheats on you.
The truth is, you can never really mean that statement because, you can't control two things, one being life and the other being your mate. When you're in a deeply committed relationship, things happen or they don't. What I mean by that is, people change, they tend to stop doing certain things their partner once was fond of or they start doing things their partner grows tried of.
Now, hold on a sec. I am in no way placing blame on which ever person did the cheating, what I am saying however, is that the art of cheating is much like the art of dancing or making a baby, it takes two! Which simply means the so called "victim" isn't really so innocent on their part. They don't really hold all the blame but they can't necessarily cry "wolf" either.
For a moment, lets focus on the cheater. Make no mistake about it, YOU ARE WRONG! But what was your reason for cheating in the first place? Did she/he not give you enough attention? Did he/she stop giving up the booty? Did you need someone to talk to and she/he didn't make the time to listen or support or acknowledge you? Were you board, so you sought out some man/woman to fulfill the element of surprise, as a way of keeping you on your toes, much like your mate once did when y'all first began dating?
Whatever the reason, something began to change in your relationship or maybe just in you so you went for what you thought was a quick fix, something to do to make your mate take notice and either reprimand you or throw in the towel all together. Now before I completely blow yawls mind with my theory on this tragic sometimes fatal end to many relationships, lets discuss the "victim" better known as the one who got cheated on. The reason I said you can't really cry "wolf" or place blame is because you've had to have done something, lets face it, men/women don't just cheat for no reason, unless their polygamist!
So what did you start or stop doing? Did you loose confidence in yourself or - in a womans' case - Did you loose confidence or gain way too much confidence about yourself? Did you start worrying about your needs only and stopped caring about his/hers? Did you become even more lazy (come on, everyone can be lazy) like some kind of couch potato? Did you change your mind about having children, knowing your mate desperately wanted them? Did you loose your attraction for your mate and stopped wanting to have sex with him/her? Did you work all the time, so ultimately that's all you began to care about? Did you mistakenly ask for a threesome, in hopes of spicing things up as way of fixing whatever was broken, in your relationship? If so that was like placing a band-aid on a cut, eventually the bandage gets wet and falls off! Did you want out but waited for your partner to throw in the towel, so you wouldn't have too? Whatever you did or didn't do, I'm sorry to say, might have played a part in why he/she cheated on you in the first place. So again you can't cry "wolf" cause, in my opinion, you knew something like this was coming! So forgive me if I don't but into the talk about you being a "VICTIM", hell for all I know, you could have been getting yourself a little booty on the side, while your mate was cheating.
Okay, ready for my mind blowing theory? Here it is...The reason men/women cheat, in my opinion, is because of the lack of COMMUNICATION!! There's a lot of things that can go missing in a relationship, before it completely falls apart, Trust, sex, and compassion. Then there's COMMUNICATION, respect and love. All these things tend to go in order, much like the stages of grief but once the communication dies, you have two options...Stay with them or leave them! If you decide to stay, be very clear that you're choosing to work - bust yo ass - to rebuild the lose of trust, sex and compassion. You will have to be vulnerable with your mate and COMMUNICATE with them about everything that went wrong between the two of you, what you want out of the relationship now and where to go from here - the next step. Understand, this process will be hard, very hard but worth it if you still love your mate. But should you choose to leave, don't wait until the love and respect is gone, especially if y'all have children, just put your big boy draws/big girl panties on and as I like to say, "CUT THE CORD." Be honest with him/her and tell them out right, the relationship isn't working for you anymore, otherwise you'd be playing a game that both of you will loose especially if there's still love between both or you. Lets be honest, if y'all were to stay together just for the sake of not wanting to be the first one to throw in the towel, would you really be cool with seeing the man/woman, you still love, with a different woman/man?
Now, I'm no expert, I could very well be wrong, I'm just speaking on behalf of things I know to be true but if that's not good enough for you readers...Well I don't know, I guess you'll have to experience cheating or being cheated on for yourself!
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