Dear Lord,
Take me in your wings as I cry on your shoulders and ask for your forgiveness,
for I have sind and desperately need your mercy
I may not be as worthy of it I know but to seek help from you father,
I know it is the first step in receiving your unfailing love
Oh, how I am so desperately in need of your grace right now God to enjoy my life and the blessings that you have bestowed on me
Lord, I come to you now, not only for forgiveness but compassion for I feel as if the path
I have chosen to take does not seem as though it was meant for me
Lord, I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of my own depression, misery and weakness
and I fear that I do not have a clue as to how I can keep myself from dying
Help me dear heavenly father and give me the strength to keep moving on
for I know if I need not seek help from you now,
I might loose sight of the right path to the light and turn to darkness
Dear Lord,
Wrap me in your wings and walk with me on this journey through life
you are my creator so only you father know how hard it is for me to ask for help
that is why I am coming to you now
Lord, I pray to you today and give thanks to you each day you allow me to wake up in order to keep enjoying the three wonderful gifts from you
Lord, shield my family, friends, associates, myself, even my enemies with protection and continue to lead us on the right path in all of our future endeavors, so that we will one day be able to walk along side you and all of your angels
Lord, I will always carry you in my heart, mind, sprite and soul and I only ask that you forgive me for all of my past, present and future mistakes for I am still ignorant to many things I have no sight for
Lord, in your name only will I pray,
Amen!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
My Apologgy
To my children, my husband and myself...
First off, I want to be a good mother to my children; Imonne', Jhayanna, and Alijah. being everything they need me to be and doing whatever it took to make sure that I was capable of doing just that, mainly because I believe it was what I never got a chance to have growing up. Now this was not said because I believe I'm not a good mother, because I know in my soul that I am. I say this because I want to be a great mother, pass the point of good, I want to have great relationships with all three of my children, because I know in my heart it will benefit them in the future. I know I get really upset at many different things, and that frustration is took out on them, most times, so for that I want to apologize to all of them. I know I have a lot to learn about how to handle life's burdens as a mother, patience and understanding are the qualities that I have yet to acknowledge and for that I again apologize to my children. I would like to make them a life long promise, that as I continue to grow so will the knowledge of becoming a great, patient, and understanding mother.
Second, stepping out to look in on our relationship, I would like to apologize from the start because not only did I continue to stay in a relationship with you after you hurt me the first time, but to honest with you I ruined it before there was a relationship to begin with. When I first saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you and without even introducing myself to you the proper way I fed into what most of the girls were doing at the time, which was jumping in head first without thinking about how you felt. So in my mind we already knew one another, which meant we had to go to the next step, I was wrong, because I knew in my heart a real relationship with you like that wouldn't work. But like always I went forward with getting to know you and then I got caught in a really uncomfortable position, where I allowed myself to love you and make my whole life become you more than I tried to do for myself so I want to apologize to you for that. I should have recognized the big red signs telling me to sow down, but by that time, I had already fell hard for you, hell I loved you, so I ignored the signs because it just felt like the real thing. From jump I knew I would hurt you, I mean after being with you for so long I knew how and who you were, as far as your emotional side went but I kept on pushing myself closer to you not realizing you were looking for a way out, and that is all my fault, so I will apologize for that. Don't get me wrong I'm not disregarding all of the things you were at fault for, I'm just recognizing all the ones I am, maybe if my eyes would have been more focused on my life aside from you, we wouldn't have went through all the break-ups in the past, so for that, and to you Jamarr I apologize for all that we've put each other through and I hope to continue to have a very long and fulfilled life as well as marriage with you...I love you with all my heart!
Third, I don't want this apology to sound as if I am beating myself up or thinking the worse of myself I am just taking a moment to acknowledge my faults in life and being women enough to apologize to my family because there here day in and day out to see me at my highest point as well as my lowest and after all that I've done both past and present, there still around to say, "we love you!"
I will say this, no one will ever go out of their way to love or care for my children except me and for that reason alone, I know I am a good mother. What I am not good at is the temper I have towards the burdens in my life. I have yet to realize and fully comprehend why I am this way and for that I don't believe I'm a good person. I mean yes I'm a good; mother, friend, daughter, and sister but that's all I am, I'm not good or honest to myself, I don't love myself the way God intended and due to that I don't possibly know how to be good to or love anyone else so I want to apologize to myself, for not trying to figure out how to become better. I am at fault because I never really tried to change the entire inside of me, I just changed what I wanted everyone to see and for that I apologize to not only myself but to all those I hurt, trying to avoid a change within myself.
Lastly, I would like to ask for forgiveness from everyone and I hope that in time, the people I value so close to my heart will find a way to stay close even when at times it may same as though I'm pushing them away.
First off, I want to be a good mother to my children; Imonne', Jhayanna, and Alijah. being everything they need me to be and doing whatever it took to make sure that I was capable of doing just that, mainly because I believe it was what I never got a chance to have growing up. Now this was not said because I believe I'm not a good mother, because I know in my soul that I am. I say this because I want to be a great mother, pass the point of good, I want to have great relationships with all three of my children, because I know in my heart it will benefit them in the future. I know I get really upset at many different things, and that frustration is took out on them, most times, so for that I want to apologize to all of them. I know I have a lot to learn about how to handle life's burdens as a mother, patience and understanding are the qualities that I have yet to acknowledge and for that I again apologize to my children. I would like to make them a life long promise, that as I continue to grow so will the knowledge of becoming a great, patient, and understanding mother.
Second, stepping out to look in on our relationship, I would like to apologize from the start because not only did I continue to stay in a relationship with you after you hurt me the first time, but to honest with you I ruined it before there was a relationship to begin with. When I first saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you and without even introducing myself to you the proper way I fed into what most of the girls were doing at the time, which was jumping in head first without thinking about how you felt. So in my mind we already knew one another, which meant we had to go to the next step, I was wrong, because I knew in my heart a real relationship with you like that wouldn't work. But like always I went forward with getting to know you and then I got caught in a really uncomfortable position, where I allowed myself to love you and make my whole life become you more than I tried to do for myself so I want to apologize to you for that. I should have recognized the big red signs telling me to sow down, but by that time, I had already fell hard for you, hell I loved you, so I ignored the signs because it just felt like the real thing. From jump I knew I would hurt you, I mean after being with you for so long I knew how and who you were, as far as your emotional side went but I kept on pushing myself closer to you not realizing you were looking for a way out, and that is all my fault, so I will apologize for that. Don't get me wrong I'm not disregarding all of the things you were at fault for, I'm just recognizing all the ones I am, maybe if my eyes would have been more focused on my life aside from you, we wouldn't have went through all the break-ups in the past, so for that, and to you Jamarr I apologize for all that we've put each other through and I hope to continue to have a very long and fulfilled life as well as marriage with you...I love you with all my heart!
Third, I don't want this apology to sound as if I am beating myself up or thinking the worse of myself I am just taking a moment to acknowledge my faults in life and being women enough to apologize to my family because there here day in and day out to see me at my highest point as well as my lowest and after all that I've done both past and present, there still around to say, "we love you!"
I will say this, no one will ever go out of their way to love or care for my children except me and for that reason alone, I know I am a good mother. What I am not good at is the temper I have towards the burdens in my life. I have yet to realize and fully comprehend why I am this way and for that I don't believe I'm a good person. I mean yes I'm a good; mother, friend, daughter, and sister but that's all I am, I'm not good or honest to myself, I don't love myself the way God intended and due to that I don't possibly know how to be good to or love anyone else so I want to apologize to myself, for not trying to figure out how to become better. I am at fault because I never really tried to change the entire inside of me, I just changed what I wanted everyone to see and for that I apologize to not only myself but to all those I hurt, trying to avoid a change within myself.
Lastly, I would like to ask for forgiveness from everyone and I hope that in time, the people I value so close to my heart will find a way to stay close even when at times it may same as though I'm pushing them away.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Question
When does life begin to be real for you?
The reason I ask, is because life got real for me mostly when I had my children...some people might think that I'm stupid after they read this...and some people might already know but in the summer of 2007, I found out I was four months pregnant with my first child.
I had a 2,000 dollar scholarship to cosmetology school, and was suppose to start school in September of that same year. I had also gotten kicked out...well not so much as kicked out but I had to ask a friend of mines mother if I could live with her due to me not having any other place to go. To make matters worse, I had her in the year of 2008 and I wasn't with my current husband at the time so, I had just became a single mother.
I remained that way until my daughter was sixth months in which time I got back with her dad and what do you think happen? If you happen to guess that I got pregnant again, you were right! Now I have two children and yes we had broken up again...Can you say, "pissed bitch", Now for the second time I found myself being a single mother.
So much stuff had been going on in my life at that time, you readers are lucky to get the short part of just one of my life stories. Well to make a long story short, It was now 2009 and I've back with the father of my kids and we just got engaged, life seemed to be going great for use until what I like to call the triple T's happen, "the terrible twos"!
Getting back on track though...we got passed all of the above, got married, and had our last and final child, our baby boy, Alijah. I ask the question about life because after almost loosing mine with trying to have my son, and having to lean on God to find my way back to my husband, my daughters, my family, my friends and ME! I found that we as a people really take life for granted...I mean having to be put to sleep just to save not only my life but my baby's as well, I wake up every day thankful that he allowed me to see another day with my family. Every since my near death experience, I have wanted to do everything I can to make a better way for us as a people, I want to help every body or at least as many people as I can so that we use the time we have left on this planet, on this earth, wisely.
Live life people, do good if you can...show yourself other ways of living, learning, knowing something better so that you can pass on your knowledge to others who have been through what you've been through or seen what you've seen...help them to get on the right path to living a full and happy life because no one knows when there last time is here and if they'll get another chance to Wake Up!
Wake Up people...Know your self worth...Live for today...Give yourself that chance in life that will allow you to keep pushing on in order to move forward and in that moment, that's when your life will begin to be real!
The reason I ask, is because life got real for me mostly when I had my children...some people might think that I'm stupid after they read this...and some people might already know but in the summer of 2007, I found out I was four months pregnant with my first child.
I had a 2,000 dollar scholarship to cosmetology school, and was suppose to start school in September of that same year. I had also gotten kicked out...well not so much as kicked out but I had to ask a friend of mines mother if I could live with her due to me not having any other place to go. To make matters worse, I had her in the year of 2008 and I wasn't with my current husband at the time so, I had just became a single mother.
I remained that way until my daughter was sixth months in which time I got back with her dad and what do you think happen? If you happen to guess that I got pregnant again, you were right! Now I have two children and yes we had broken up again...Can you say, "pissed bitch", Now for the second time I found myself being a single mother.
So much stuff had been going on in my life at that time, you readers are lucky to get the short part of just one of my life stories. Well to make a long story short, It was now 2009 and I've back with the father of my kids and we just got engaged, life seemed to be going great for use until what I like to call the triple T's happen, "the terrible twos"!
Getting back on track though...we got passed all of the above, got married, and had our last and final child, our baby boy, Alijah. I ask the question about life because after almost loosing mine with trying to have my son, and having to lean on God to find my way back to my husband, my daughters, my family, my friends and ME! I found that we as a people really take life for granted...I mean having to be put to sleep just to save not only my life but my baby's as well, I wake up every day thankful that he allowed me to see another day with my family. Every since my near death experience, I have wanted to do everything I can to make a better way for us as a people, I want to help every body or at least as many people as I can so that we use the time we have left on this planet, on this earth, wisely.
Live life people, do good if you can...show yourself other ways of living, learning, knowing something better so that you can pass on your knowledge to others who have been through what you've been through or seen what you've seen...help them to get on the right path to living a full and happy life because no one knows when there last time is here and if they'll get another chance to Wake Up!
Wake Up people...Know your self worth...Live for today...Give yourself that chance in life that will allow you to keep pushing on in order to move forward and in that moment, that's when your life will begin to be real!
Shoes Are Made For Walking
My name is Brittany Shontae' Brooks, I came into this world on July 12th 1989. I am a happily married women; a mother of three wonderful children, and I try to be a very good friend to everyone I know, even associates.
Now, just because I will try to be a shoulder for everyone to lean on, don't misunderstand the fact that I have a loyalty to my family first, which does not include people who have no interest in being there for me when I'm at the my lowest point, and am in need of a friend to talk too.
I might not be the one who yells out "HELP", all the time but when I do ask for it I would hope that someone, other than God, would answer my call...
The reason I say this, is because I might not have much, do a lot of good things to further help my fellow woman, man or child but I am on my way to trying to better myself; my family, friends, associates, my fellow woman, man, and child.
Now,After everything that you've just read, when did you hear me say that I decided to completely switch my name to "DOORMAT"?
I am so tired of being Welcome, when will I go back to just being Brittany Shonate' Brooks, born July 12th 1989?
Now, just because I will try to be a shoulder for everyone to lean on, don't misunderstand the fact that I have a loyalty to my family first, which does not include people who have no interest in being there for me when I'm at the my lowest point, and am in need of a friend to talk too.
I might not be the one who yells out "HELP", all the time but when I do ask for it I would hope that someone, other than God, would answer my call...
The reason I say this, is because I might not have much, do a lot of good things to further help my fellow woman, man or child but I am on my way to trying to better myself; my family, friends, associates, my fellow woman, man, and child.
Now,After everything that you've just read, when did you hear me say that I decided to completely switch my name to "DOORMAT"?
I am so tired of being Welcome, when will I go back to just being Brittany Shonate' Brooks, born July 12th 1989?
Friday, November 16, 2012
People who know better do better
If you are a person who is use to or still wearing diapers...basically getting your ass changed by someone else in life, don't waste your time talking shit about people who are potty trained
from where i'm sitting you should be worried about learning how to wipe your own ass instead of talking and spreading shit about those who already know how... in short getting where they're at instead of still being where they were
take the damn diaper off and get your ass on the toilet and then, rihanna voice, "talk that talk to me yeah" lmao
from where i'm sitting you should be worried about learning how to wipe your own ass instead of talking and spreading shit about those who already know how... in short getting where they're at instead of still being where they were
take the damn diaper off and get your ass on the toilet and then, rihanna voice, "talk that talk to me yeah" lmao
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