You People You!!

You people get on my nerves, I mean every since I was in high school all I wanted to do was fit in with the crowd, so when I made the cheer leading team I was excited of course but then again "you people" knew exactly how to break other people down...
You people with your words, your judgement, your back-handed compliments, your fake smile, and your fake friendship to me and everyone except to those just like you...
You backstabbers you! I can't believe I wanted to change myself to be like the crew, I mean I did things I wouldn't normally do and for what? because you damn sure used it against me all the time, every time and then...
Sophomore year happen and none of you so called friends gave ah flying pig shit about what really happen nor did any of you care to ask either and why would you? I mean why believe me over someone like you even if they are lying there ass off just to have something to talk about...
You people kill me because not only have I been over thinking the past so much so that I still find myself trying get approval from you and I'm ah grown ass women, married to a wonderful man who loves the shit out of me and all my flaws, and I have three beautiful children who feel the same but to get back on subject,
You people kill me because I would have been able to let this go years back if I thought that all of the things most of you put me through for no good reason were just high school girls being high school bitches but of course not, "you people" grew up and unfortunately for some of you maturity didn't follow because if it had, I think many of you should have at least tried to send out an apology my way just to forgive and forget, if nothing else, I mean geesh "you people" act as if, if you give me an apology we have to be life long friends and we don't but do you not feel as though if you've done something blatantly wrong to someone else you shouldn't have to apologize for your wrong doing?
You people really just get under my skin not only for your vainness but your inability to admit when your wrong about something I mean, it's obvious that you never really knew me because if you did, if any of you were really friends of mine or so called family! you would have known that I would have been the last person to;
   kick you while your down
   snitch on you, for something you did
   talk shit about your mistakes 
   tell everyone personal business of yours 
   laugh behind your back but smile in your face knowing I don't like you
   SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT YOU!
So with that being said let me just clear the air now about everything and if you don't like it, just think of it as your personal dose of karma!!

Freshman Year
    I had three best friends whom I'd known since middle school, one of which I joined the cheer leading team with and all of you people thought we were gay right...wrong! she is my lil sis never nothing sexual!
can't say the same for some of you though who were clearly in LIKE with other "same sex" people, most of which were on the team with us

Sophomore Year
     I had one high school boyfriend after "Nate" and I really like him but of course "you people" and Nate had to mess that up when you started that rumor about me and Nate having sex in the locker room....Now I will admit that yes we were in the locker room, and yes he and I planned to get it in and for that reason alone I took my punishment! can't say the same for some of you, but when he tried to play me, of all people when I was one of the only people who had truly befriended him, by treating me like I owed him some ass just cause he was Nathaniel! and then anal sex out of all places...Please! and my husband will contest to that, I don't do ass...
More power to the people that do but I'm not one of them and yes maybe Nate did ejaculate but it was from all that huffing and puffing he did trying to put it in and then he ejaculated on him self not in, on, or even close to me at all, that's why when Paris walked in and seen us, she saw him in the bathroom area trying to wipe semen off of his clothes and me tying my shoes getting ready to leave from the locker room all together...
When she asked what was going on, with ah nasty lil grin on her face, that is why I told her nothing but she still took what she saw and her thoughts and ran with it and all of you people just believed it because you wanted to...next to me and him being suspended for being in the girls locker room together not because we had actually had sex with one another
But hey at the time who gave ah shit about the truth no matter how many times I told it, except the three friends I had freshman year...Thanks Destiny, Danielle, and Fantasia

Junior Year
      I did me and found new friends like Kara, and I started career center and went through the same thing all because all of the girls in the program liked the same guy but when that guy liked just me, that was the biggest problem in the world all of "you people" tried to make that hell for not only me but him as well...that's when most of "you people" in high school were calling me gay yet again due to me hanging out with Kara! and then people in the career center, or should I say person in the career center told the guy, who is now my husband so lots of good your lies did, that I was a nasty diseased hoe that slept with every dude I met...
by this time I really started to say fuck y'all and all the unfair treatment I got that played heavenly on my mind and gave me realistic thoughts of ended it all..."you people" played with the depression I had instead of leaving it alone to die down some of "you people" really just didn't give ah damn and thankfully be this time I had ah place where I could let go...Thanks Kara, and Luana, Kara's mom, y'all are really family to me
But no you idiots I was not nor am I having an type of sexual relationship with Kara! 

Any and everything after this point is in ah since, Casper! because I was trying my hardest to not think or give ah damn about anything or anybody but my man and graduating! 
But that still didn't work due to the fact that whenever I turned around I saw or heard about "you fucking people" I mean even after we graduated some of you still didn't /couldn't leave well enough alone
Why in the hell couldn't "you people" have just done y'all and let me do me?
Do you people really not have an answer?
Well I'll answer for you then...
The answer is because "you people" have nothing else better to do but keep fucking with me, because ain't shit else important, long lasting or constant happening in you people's lives!
You people need to really grow the hell up and leave well enough alone mainly because I've been at ah place in my life for almost five years now that some of you are just now getting to and the truth is, when "you people" were talking about me having children and ah husband and  now ah house, y'all were really light weight envious because y'all weren't at that place in y'all's life yet...
And if I'm not speaking the truth, answer me this then...
How many of you people who always, since you met me, have children now?
Now how many of you people have ah man that wants to start ah family with you and buy houses and give you any and everything he can just to see you happy?
Let me guess...None of you people right!
Yeah you have children and ah baby daddy but when will "you people" stop being nothing more than the tired, childish, vain, devious, almost hoe baby mother who he can't do anything more then argue with they man cause they can't get him to take care of  his baby or them?
That's right some of you love the way I taste so much that you can't manage to keep my name or what I do out y'all's mouth and for what... because of some shit you people heard and never bothered to find out if there was truth behind it!
Huh...that shit's crazy 
Now that I've released the weight off my chest, cleared my mind of all the thoughts I've had about "you people" and finally let y'all know, three words...

                                                         Fuck You People!!

Prayer

Dear Lord, 

Take me in your wings as I cry on your shoulders and ask for your forgiveness,
for I have sind and desperately need your mercy

I may not be as worthy of it I know but to seek help from you father,
I know it is the first step in receiving your unfailing love

Oh, how I am so desperately in need of your grace right now God to enjoy my life and the blessings that you have bestowed on me  

Lord, I come to you now, not only for forgiveness but compassion for I feel as if the path 
I have chosen to take does not seem as though it was meant for me

Lord, I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of my own depression, misery and weakness 
and I fear that I do not have a clue as to how I can keep myself from dying 

Help me dear heavenly father and give me the strength to keep moving on
for I know if I need not seek help from you now,
I might loose sight of the right path to the light and turn to darkness

Dear Lord,

Wrap me in your wings and walk with me on this journey through life 
you are my creator so only you father know how hard it is for me to ask for help 
that is why I am coming to you now 

Lord, I pray to you today and give thanks to you each day you allow me to wake up in order to keep enjoying the three wonderful gifts from you 

Lord, shield my family,  friends,  associates, myself, even my enemies with protection and continue to lead us on the right path in all of our future endeavors, so that we will one day be able to walk along side you and all of  your angels

Lord, I will always carry you in my heart, mind, sprite and soul and I only ask that you forgive me for all of my past, present and future mistakes for I am still ignorant to many things I have no sight for 

Lord, in your name only will I pray, 

                                                                    Amen! 

My Apologgy

To my children, my husband and myself...

   First off, I want to be a good mother to my children; Imonne', Jhayanna, and Alijah. being everything they need me to be and doing whatever it took to make sure that I was capable of doing just that, mainly because I believe it was what I never got a chance to have growing up. Now this was not said because I believe I'm not a good mother, because I know in my soul that I am. I say this because I want to be a great mother, pass the point of good, I want to have great relationships with all three of my children, because I know in my heart it will benefit them in the future. I know I get really upset at many different things, and that frustration is took out on them, most times, so for that I want to apologize to all of them. I know I have a lot to learn about how to handle life's burdens as a mother, patience and understanding are the qualities that I have yet to acknowledge and for that I again apologize to my children. I would like to make them a life long promise, that as I continue to grow so will the knowledge of becoming a great, patient, and understanding mother.

Second, stepping out to look in on our relationship, I would like to apologize from the start because not only did I continue to stay in a relationship with you after you hurt me the first time, but to honest with you I ruined it before there was a relationship to begin with. When I first saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you and without even introducing myself to you the proper way I fed into what most of the girls were doing at the time, which was jumping in head first without thinking about how you felt. So in my mind we already knew one another, which meant we had to go to the next step, I was wrong, because I knew in my heart a real relationship with you like that wouldn't work. But like always I went forward with getting to know you and then I got caught in a really uncomfortable position, where I allowed myself to love you and make my whole life become you more than I tried to do for myself so I want to apologize to you for that. I should have recognized the big red signs telling me to sow down, but by that time, I had already fell hard for you, hell I loved you, so I ignored the signs because it just felt like the real thing. From jump I knew I would hurt you, I mean after being with you for so long I knew how and who you were, as far as your emotional side went but I kept on pushing myself closer to you not realizing you were looking for a way out, and that is all my fault, so I will apologize for that. Don't get me wrong I'm not disregarding all of the things you were at fault for, I'm just recognizing all the ones I am, maybe if my eyes would have been more focused on my life aside from you, we wouldn't have went through all the break-ups in the past, so for that, and to you Jamarr I apologize for all that we've put each other through and I hope to continue to have a very long and fulfilled life as well as  marriage with you...I love you with all my heart!

Third, I don't want this apology to sound as if I am beating myself up or thinking the worse of myself I am just taking a moment to acknowledge my faults in life and being women enough to apologize to my family because there here day in and day out to see me at my highest point as well as my lowest and after all that I've done both past and present, there still around to say, "we love you!"
 I will say this, no one will ever go out of their way to love or care for my children except me and for that reason alone, I know I am a good mother. What I am not good at is the temper I have towards the burdens in my life. I have yet to realize and fully comprehend why I am this way and for that I don't believe I'm a good person. I mean yes I'm a good; mother, friend, daughter, and sister but that's all I am, I'm not good or honest to myself, I don't love myself the way God intended and due to that I don't possibly know how to be good to or love anyone else so I want to apologize to myself, for not trying to figure out how to become better. I am at fault because I never really tried to change the entire inside of me, I just changed what I wanted everyone to see and for that I apologize to not only myself but to all those I hurt, trying to avoid a change within myself.

Lastly, I would like to ask for forgiveness from everyone and I hope that in time, the people I value so close to my heart will find a way to stay close even when at times it may same as though I'm pushing them away.

Question

When does life begin to be real for you? 

The reason I ask, is because life got real for me mostly when I had my children...some people might think that I'm stupid after they read this...and some people might already know but in the summer of 2007, I found out I was four months pregnant with my first child.
I had a 2,000 dollar scholarship to cosmetology school, and was suppose to start school in September of that same year. I had also gotten kicked out...well not so much as kicked out but I had to ask a friend of mines mother if I could live with her due to me not having any other place to go. To make matters worse, I had her in the year of 2008 and I wasn't with my current husband at the time so, I had just became a single mother.
I remained that way until my daughter was sixth months in which time I got back with her dad and what do you think happen? If you happen to guess that I got pregnant again, you were right! Now I have two children and yes we had broken up again...Can you say, "pissed bitch", Now for the second time I found myself being a single mother. 
So much stuff had been going on in my life at that time, you readers are lucky to get the short part of just one of my life stories. Well to make a long story short, It was now 2009 and I've back with the father of my kids and we just got engaged, life seemed to be going great for use until what I like to call the triple T's happen, "the terrible twos"!
Getting back on track though...we got passed all of the above, got married, and  had our last and final child, our baby boy, Alijah. I ask the question about life because after almost loosing mine with trying to have my son, and having to lean on God to find my way back to my husband, my daughters, my family, my friends and ME! I found that we as a people really take life for granted...I mean having to be put to sleep just to save not only my life but my baby's as well, I wake up every day thankful that he allowed me to see another day with my family. Every since my near death experience, I have wanted to do everything I can to make a better way for us as a people, I want to help every body or at least as many people as I can so that we use the time we have left on this planet, on this earth, wisely.
Live life people, do good if you can...show yourself other ways of living, learning, knowing something better so that you can pass on your knowledge to others who have been through what you've been through or seen what you've seen...help them to get on the right path to living a full and happy life because no one knows when there last time is here and if they'll get another chance to Wake Up!
Wake Up people...Know your self worth...Live for today...Give yourself that chance in life that will allow you to keep pushing on in order to move forward and in that moment, that's when your life will begin to be real!

Shoes Are Made For Walking

My name is Brittany Shontae' Brooks, I came into this world on July 12th 1989. I am a happily married women; a mother of three wonderful children, and I try to be a very good friend to everyone I know, even associates.
Now, just because I will try to be a shoulder for everyone to lean on, don't misunderstand the fact that I have a loyalty to my family first, which does not include people who have no interest in being there for me when I'm at the my lowest point, and am in need of a friend to talk too.
I might not be the one who yells out "HELP", all the time but when I do ask for it I would hope that someone, other than God, would answer my call...
The reason I say this, is because I might not have much, do a lot of good things to further help my fellow woman, man or child but I am on my way to trying to better myself; my family, friends, associates, my fellow woman, man, and child. 
Now,After everything that you've just read, when did you hear me say that I decided to completely switch my name to "DOORMAT"?
I am so tired of being Welcome, when will I go back to just being Brittany Shonate' Brooks, born July 12th 1989?

People who know better do better

If you are a person who is use to or still wearing diapers...basically getting your ass changed by someone else in life, don't waste your time talking shit about people who are potty trained
from where i'm sitting you should be worried about learning how to wipe your own ass instead of talking and spreading shit about those who already know how... in short getting where they're at instead of still being where they were
take the damn diaper off and get your ass on the toilet and then, rihanna voice, "talk that talk to me yeah" lmao