His hair is dark, like the night sky
I see his spirit within his eyes, it smiles so bright whenever he looks at me
I can't believe his skin is so smooth and brown, with the smell of ah fresh summer breeze
You know that scent at the very beginning of morning, that reminds you that not everyone in the world is so bad
That scent that makes you melt with goosebumps over your entire body
Oh, how I sometimes wish that I could wrap my soul within his and lay under his warm shoulders throughout my days
Without a single care in the world but then, there are days...
Days where my tears drop like rain when I think of him
Days where the clouds follow me around, like a song being replayed over and over again in my head
There are times when even his words saying, "I love you", cut like knives piercing through my heart right into my soul
You know those days where it feels as though time has stopped and then you blink reminders of every letter in his name
Though it doesn't spell out what you may think of, only pain and you sit there...
Wondering, if it's the same song playing in his heart as it is in yours
Those days, where you see him and you go to open your mouth to speak but
only sounds of mimes come out to entertain you love, as if you were doing it for tips
Hoping that one day it would just return to that same summer breeze you once felt
You know, that one that filled your body with goosebumps, huh
Praying to our savor to save you and get you to the finish line and then...
Waking up to realize that you were already there the entire time just passed out from running
Dead Awake!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
It Is What It Is!
I can't believe that I actually thought I could trick myself into feeling ah different way about myself...like I could really change or rather ignore the person screaming inside my head forever, I guess I should have known that it, the devilish person inside me, would and always will win in the long run. I guess I decided to bring this up again or should I say finally express my inner feelings today, because the more I sit here and try to convince, not just myself but others as well that I don't HATE me with ah passion the more I realize that I do! The point that others don't realize is that, "some of you, in my case, are to blame...or should I say thank", y'all finally got what y'all obviously wanted outta me all these years, and that's to know that all that trying to make me feel like shit has actually worked...CONGRATULATIONS! I do feel like I am ah five foot four piece of shit, I am nothing!
I really should smack my damn self for thinking that this feeling would go away at some point but hey, I guess the saying is right, "Stand for something or Fall for anything", LAUGH OUT LOUD...I guess I really must have STUPID written all over my face cause like ah dumb ass I feel for all of the bullshit everyone has through at me over the years. It's kinda sad actually when I think about all the time I've wasted believing the lies of most of my so-called "friends"...Yeah the fuck right I'm ah strong person! Yeah the fuck right people look to me for advise! kill ya self if even you believe that shit. If I'm such ah "strong" person why do I feel weak every minute of every day of my life? I guess this time the questions are rhetorical, cause I'm the only one who can really answer them but dumb ass me I can't even do that If I'm the one asking the questions.
Most of you really don't fully understand that Brittany S. Brooks, has been through ah whole hell of ah lot in this short amount of time that I've been on this earth, and you know what that's fine because I didn't have any plans on informing you of any of it...but at the same time you really don't fully understand that it's all of the extra shit that most of you tack on to me that makes me feel weak and rather old and decrepit, many of you so called "friends"and don't even understand that I had thoughts of taking my own life because let y'all tell it, it's pretty much worthless anyway, I've even tried to kill myself before thinking, maybe everyone I know or that knows me rather, would be better off if I just wasn't around any more and honestly the only thing that stopped me from completely falling through with those plans, that is before I had my children or course, was the fact that almost left and right many of the people I knew were either getting murdered, dying from ah natural death, or they've actually taken their own lives.
To tell you the truth, I'm tired and have been for ah while now. I guess, actually I know that's solely the reason why I would always keep to myself most times, cause you know what, sometimes "YOU" CAN'T LET "YOU" DOWN! It's only those rare occasions when you have actually let yourself down when your alone and that when you find yourself wanting to be around other people again...if that makes any since at all, I know what I meant though so that's all that matter's LAUGH OUT LOUD...I don't y'all I really needed to clear my chest in ah sense cause sometimes talking aloud doesn't work out as well as I would like it too, I guess that's why I found ah way to get all of my feelings out in ah way case in point, this blog! but hey at the end of the day, I'll be alright and that just is what it is!
I really should smack my damn self for thinking that this feeling would go away at some point but hey, I guess the saying is right, "Stand for something or Fall for anything", LAUGH OUT LOUD...I guess I really must have STUPID written all over my face cause like ah dumb ass I feel for all of the bullshit everyone has through at me over the years. It's kinda sad actually when I think about all the time I've wasted believing the lies of most of my so-called "friends"...Yeah the fuck right I'm ah strong person! Yeah the fuck right people look to me for advise! kill ya self if even you believe that shit. If I'm such ah "strong" person why do I feel weak every minute of every day of my life? I guess this time the questions are rhetorical, cause I'm the only one who can really answer them but dumb ass me I can't even do that If I'm the one asking the questions.
Most of you really don't fully understand that Brittany S. Brooks, has been through ah whole hell of ah lot in this short amount of time that I've been on this earth, and you know what that's fine because I didn't have any plans on informing you of any of it...but at the same time you really don't fully understand that it's all of the extra shit that most of you tack on to me that makes me feel weak and rather old and decrepit, many of you so called "friends"and don't even understand that I had thoughts of taking my own life because let y'all tell it, it's pretty much worthless anyway, I've even tried to kill myself before thinking, maybe everyone I know or that knows me rather, would be better off if I just wasn't around any more and honestly the only thing that stopped me from completely falling through with those plans, that is before I had my children or course, was the fact that almost left and right many of the people I knew were either getting murdered, dying from ah natural death, or they've actually taken their own lives.
To tell you the truth, I'm tired and have been for ah while now. I guess, actually I know that's solely the reason why I would always keep to myself most times, cause you know what, sometimes "YOU" CAN'T LET "YOU" DOWN! It's only those rare occasions when you have actually let yourself down when your alone and that when you find yourself wanting to be around other people again...if that makes any since at all, I know what I meant though so that's all that matter's LAUGH OUT LOUD...I don't y'all I really needed to clear my chest in ah sense cause sometimes talking aloud doesn't work out as well as I would like it too, I guess that's why I found ah way to get all of my feelings out in ah way case in point, this blog! but hey at the end of the day, I'll be alright and that just is what it is!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Just Another Day of Bad News
Once again I wake to find that, we as ah people, can't make it through an entire day without hearing that something horrible has happen to someone in the world or witnessing on the news, that someone has decided to go completely crazy and in doing so has took out most or all of that "Crazy" on the people that they either; know, have lived by at some point, have serious infatuations with, or randoms...(people that were just in the right place at the wrong time) and for what?
Clothes...Shoes...Vehicles...Electronics...Drugs...Money...Power...Control
The fact of the matter is that, while all of these things sound nice, It's all bullshit and none of it can be taken with any of us when the Lord calls us home. So while we're out here committing all these acts of stupidity, not even the devil himself cares about any of it or any of us, because misery loves company! People who are oblivious to that fact are just ignorant pons which even the most intelligent people can be at times. That said, while we, as ah people, fill obligated to fulfill certain goals in our lives that's okay, and well understood by many who have the same requisite about themselves as well. What is not acceptable, is for us to pretend as though our needs should proceed once we've made it to the top, I mean once your there, what then happens? Do you then try to keep reaching/searching for things you already have, or do you take time to realize that you've finally made it and work that much harder to try and give back to those who are not able to be where you are? I completely understand if many of you readers aren't capable of answering my questions right now plus that's really not the issues I want to focus on in the particular post, what I really wanted to focus on is the crime that's been going on over the years, actually the crime in the past year...
WHAT IN THE FUCK is going on in the world when people are finding new/weird ways to get high? I mean are people serious with bath salt? Oh girl I can't go out with you but you can come over and we can get high off this bath salt, then for dinner we can go out and eat someones face! Come on, what's next; cascade dishwasher capsules, dawn dish washing liquid, pine-sol, dirty diapers, printer ink? Yeah it sounds real stupid right? I know, now imagine how stupid you appear to everyone when we here or see on the news that, that is what your out here doing with your self, you honestly couldn't find something better to do with your time, if not that is totally sad. Now, I know that I've previously informed all you readers that I have kids, that said, how in the fuck am I suppose to fill comfortable and safe with taking my kids on field trips to the; movies, park, zoo, water park, grocery store, walks, ect. I'm pretty sure by now you get the point...when I don't even fill safe sending them to school after hearing about that shooting at an elementary school of all places, WHAT THE FUCK! am I now suppose to keep my children under complete solitude and home school them because I can't even walk out my front door an automatically know, that when my children get on that school bus to go to school there going to be just fine where there at. I mean when you have ah child or an abundance of children your brain already begins to go into over load with all types of different worries about what can happen to them just because you know all of the dangers you went through or witnessed throughout your life so to have added stress over things that can be avoided is just down right crazy, It really makes you, after ah while, start to go/ feel crazy. Then to hear that the same type of shooting took place at ah movie theater prior to the shooting at the elementary school smh...both me and my husband make it ah point to take our children to enjoy life and many different things which includes taking them to the movies, I can't believe that this world is so in ruins that we now need security in places we should be able to fill safe and secure in such as; HEAD START, ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS, grocery and corner stores, movie theaters, parks and water parks, the zoo, libraries, shit! at this point every new born, infant, child, pre-teen, teens, and pre-adults, should now come with a body guard, someone other than the parents to jump in front of bullets for them...just saying!
With so many; accidental deaths, suicides, murders, unsuspected deaths, and natural deaths occurring every day, I believe that we as people should, at the very least, try and make an attempt to be more aware of whats going on and maybe figure out what we could do to help avoid them from happening, meaning if I know someone is depressed, maybe I should try talking to them to figure out what I could do to help if anything at all, in most cases just being that person they could come to and know that I'm right there listening will be enough, maybe not but do you not think that we could make ah greater attempt to do better not just for one another but for those who don't have anyone else? It's sad really when you've gotten to the point when you wake up, look around and notice that those; friends, family members, associates, enemies, innocent children, even idols have just disappeared...and what makes it horrible is the fact that once you've opened your eyes and began to pay attention to what has been going on, you have ah moment where the actual realization of, THIS PERSON IS GONE FOREVER, kicks in and you've actually wasted time doing nothing...saying nothing...being something for nothing...what that is called people is, Another Day of Bad News!
And I don't know about you but I'm tired of watching unnecessary things happen... I'm so ready to do something for the protection and safety of my; family, friends, associates, and even my enemies H.A.Y?
By the way, if H.A.Y went over your head...It stands for,"How About You"?
Monday, January 14, 2013
"Hair Baby"
Monee' Pastel "The Acknowledgment"
Ms. Monee' Pastel,
Girl you've done so much in life...very independent and in control with everything you do and have done thus far, to just say that I'm happy for you would be so much of an under-statement but I'll say it anyway, "I'm happy for you!" Congratulations to you Monee' Pastel and although we weren't close friends to begin with...I wish you nothing but the very best in all you future endeavors.
I feel I, at the very least, owe you that much due to me being so overwhelmed with my feelings and in my own way/ mind trying to somewhat hate or down play your success in life by not congratulating you earlier and for that, even though it caused no affect on you, I still want to be women enough to apologize to you as well as take time to acknowledge what you have accomplished on your journey...
Now this blog may be coming as a shock to you but I've grown so much through-out the years that I feel it necessary to speak, I would also like to let you know that I in no way want anything from you nor do I have an ulterior motive behind what I am saying I just really wanted you to know from "ME" that I support you and if I can do anything to help you in anyway I will.
Stay blessed through-out your life Monee' and the whole B.A.E crew and never forget to enjoy the little things in life because they're important too.
Oh yeah and the clothes and fashion shows that I've seen thus far on YouTube are hot as hell and if you haven't done so already girl please pat yourself on the back cause you truly are ah bad bitc- shut yo mouth! lmao
Your associate, friend, whatever...
~Brittany Brooks-Anthony~
Girl you've done so much in life...very independent and in control with everything you do and have done thus far, to just say that I'm happy for you would be so much of an under-statement but I'll say it anyway, "I'm happy for you!" Congratulations to you Monee' Pastel and although we weren't close friends to begin with...I wish you nothing but the very best in all you future endeavors.
I feel I, at the very least, owe you that much due to me being so overwhelmed with my feelings and in my own way/ mind trying to somewhat hate or down play your success in life by not congratulating you earlier and for that, even though it caused no affect on you, I still want to be women enough to apologize to you as well as take time to acknowledge what you have accomplished on your journey...
Now this blog may be coming as a shock to you but I've grown so much through-out the years that I feel it necessary to speak, I would also like to let you know that I in no way want anything from you nor do I have an ulterior motive behind what I am saying I just really wanted you to know from "ME" that I support you and if I can do anything to help you in anyway I will.
Stay blessed through-out your life Monee' and the whole B.A.E crew and never forget to enjoy the little things in life because they're important too.
Oh yeah and the clothes and fashion shows that I've seen thus far on YouTube are hot as hell and if you haven't done so already girl please pat yourself on the back cause you truly are ah bad bitc- shut yo mouth! lmao
Your associate, friend, whatever...
~Brittany Brooks-Anthony~
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The Baby
So...
Today is the first day of the new year, 2013! and with that said, I'm going to start talking about things that might bother some of you readers, such as; Beyonce' and her "baby", Chris Brown and Rihanna, the shooting that happen at that elementary school and so much more. Now...I would like to start off with Beyonce'.
People please lets just be perfectly honest here, I myself might not like the fact that Beyonce' is one of those artist who believes she can only sell music by wearing nothing! but I have to give it to her, she can sing or should I say sang! but that's not the topic I want to discuss at the moment, what I really want to talk about is that fact that she wants everyone to believe that she has actually had ah "baby"yeah right...and I say this only because I have had three children which for the "hard to catch on people" that also means three pregnancies so...come up with something different Beyonce' if you want me to believe that you actually carried that baby for nine or however many months.
I saw the video of her when her stomach folded up as she went to sit down...First off, to all the people who keeps saying, "oh it was just the type of dress she had on that day"BULLSHIT! okay because if you were watching, what I was watching, you would have noticed that her dress was tight fitting and there shouldn't have been any reason for her stomach to have folded as if the dress was loose...I mean come on, in that interview she was supposedly six months pregnant, again yeah right...I have been six months pregnant three times over and this last time after watching her interview, I wanted to prove ah point to my husband, so I put on my tight dress and I sat down in ah chair, as my husband watched, and my stomach didn't fold at any point!
Now, I'm not stupid people I completely understand that everybody is different and so is every pregnancy but please if the truth really was that her dress was loose, why in the hell did she look like ah deer caught in the head lights after her "baby belly" folded? anyone who doesn't believe me go ahead and take another gander at that video, I'll wait...
Did you look or are you going to just continue to take my word for it? if your still reading I'll take that as, you believe that there is some truth to what I am saying. With that said, I'm going to tell you what I think really happen with Beyonce', Jay-Z and that "baby"...
One day Jay-Z said to Beyonce', "B, I'm ready to start having kids, what you think bout that?"
and she said, "That's fine but who's going to carry it? because I don't think i'm ready to stretch out this body yet!"
Then he said, "I'm sure we can figure out something, ha ha...between the two of use we can do anything."
Then she said, "Yeah you right babe, I guess I could always find someone to carry the baby and when she's about ready to have the baby, I will have already put out about three or four new songs and video's as well as do the award show and at that point we'll tell every body and I'll just wear one of those fake baby bumps that they have for movies for ah while so no one will start to question if i'm really pregnant or not, ha ha...then I'll take "ah break" to have "the baby" when really I'm taking ah break to finish my new CD."
Then he replied, "That sounds good B, and we can pay the hospital to keep the whole maternity ward of limits in order for us to have complete privacy while the person, of our choosing, has the baby."
Then she replied, "I'm fine with that, I guess.''
Then he ask, "Are you sure your really prepared for this B? Cus we could always wait until your ready to have my baby ya self."
Then she said, "Yeah baby, lets do it now I can't wait to see what our baby would look like, smile ha ha..."
Then he said, "I hope it's ah girl B."
Where things fucked up with this whole plan was that Beyonce' of course had to tell her family the plan and her loose lips dad, being so excited, let the cat out the bag and then got yelled at by both Beyonce' and Jay-Z for saying anything at all...Then of course they all had to say it was ah "rumor" but in actual reality it was the truth, and that's how we came to see her quick pregnancy, her folded stomach, her three video's and their baby, the beautiful little girl that she "carried" for nine short months and then made ah video for her husband damn near right after. That's what I believed happened, maybe not word for word, play by play, or extremely exact but I honestly just don't believe that Beyonce', her self carried that baby...and just FYI, her not carrying it is not why I'm on it so tough, I'm on it so tough because she felt as though she needed to lie about it, I mean come on now be real about ya shit Beyonce', you didn't want to have ah baby thinking that having one would ruin ya body and so instead of being honest about it you lied, really! In the words of Tamar Braxton, "Get Your Life!" Yes what happens between you and your husband should stay between you and your husband, completely understandable, but if that was the case then yall should have just left it that way instead of bringing the entire world into yall's business or better yet, just be real about what was going on instead of putting on this big show for no reason.
Today is the first day of the new year, 2013! and with that said, I'm going to start talking about things that might bother some of you readers, such as; Beyonce' and her "baby", Chris Brown and Rihanna, the shooting that happen at that elementary school and so much more. Now...I would like to start off with Beyonce'.
People please lets just be perfectly honest here, I myself might not like the fact that Beyonce' is one of those artist who believes she can only sell music by wearing nothing! but I have to give it to her, she can sing or should I say sang! but that's not the topic I want to discuss at the moment, what I really want to talk about is that fact that she wants everyone to believe that she has actually had ah "baby"yeah right...and I say this only because I have had three children which for the "hard to catch on people" that also means three pregnancies so...come up with something different Beyonce' if you want me to believe that you actually carried that baby for nine or however many months.
I saw the video of her when her stomach folded up as she went to sit down...First off, to all the people who keeps saying, "oh it was just the type of dress she had on that day"BULLSHIT! okay because if you were watching, what I was watching, you would have noticed that her dress was tight fitting and there shouldn't have been any reason for her stomach to have folded as if the dress was loose...I mean come on, in that interview she was supposedly six months pregnant, again yeah right...I have been six months pregnant three times over and this last time after watching her interview, I wanted to prove ah point to my husband, so I put on my tight dress and I sat down in ah chair, as my husband watched, and my stomach didn't fold at any point!
Now, I'm not stupid people I completely understand that everybody is different and so is every pregnancy but please if the truth really was that her dress was loose, why in the hell did she look like ah deer caught in the head lights after her "baby belly" folded? anyone who doesn't believe me go ahead and take another gander at that video, I'll wait...
Did you look or are you going to just continue to take my word for it? if your still reading I'll take that as, you believe that there is some truth to what I am saying. With that said, I'm going to tell you what I think really happen with Beyonce', Jay-Z and that "baby"...
One day Jay-Z said to Beyonce', "B, I'm ready to start having kids, what you think bout that?"
and she said, "That's fine but who's going to carry it? because I don't think i'm ready to stretch out this body yet!"
Then he said, "I'm sure we can figure out something, ha ha...between the two of use we can do anything."
Then she said, "Yeah you right babe, I guess I could always find someone to carry the baby and when she's about ready to have the baby, I will have already put out about three or four new songs and video's as well as do the award show and at that point we'll tell every body and I'll just wear one of those fake baby bumps that they have for movies for ah while so no one will start to question if i'm really pregnant or not, ha ha...then I'll take "ah break" to have "the baby" when really I'm taking ah break to finish my new CD."
Then he replied, "That sounds good B, and we can pay the hospital to keep the whole maternity ward of limits in order for us to have complete privacy while the person, of our choosing, has the baby."
Then she replied, "I'm fine with that, I guess.''
Then he ask, "Are you sure your really prepared for this B? Cus we could always wait until your ready to have my baby ya self."
Then she said, "Yeah baby, lets do it now I can't wait to see what our baby would look like, smile ha ha..."
Then he said, "I hope it's ah girl B."
Where things fucked up with this whole plan was that Beyonce' of course had to tell her family the plan and her loose lips dad, being so excited, let the cat out the bag and then got yelled at by both Beyonce' and Jay-Z for saying anything at all...Then of course they all had to say it was ah "rumor" but in actual reality it was the truth, and that's how we came to see her quick pregnancy, her folded stomach, her three video's and their baby, the beautiful little girl that she "carried" for nine short months and then made ah video for her husband damn near right after. That's what I believed happened, maybe not word for word, play by play, or extremely exact but I honestly just don't believe that Beyonce', her self carried that baby...and just FYI, her not carrying it is not why I'm on it so tough, I'm on it so tough because she felt as though she needed to lie about it, I mean come on now be real about ya shit Beyonce', you didn't want to have ah baby thinking that having one would ruin ya body and so instead of being honest about it you lied, really! In the words of Tamar Braxton, "Get Your Life!" Yes what happens between you and your husband should stay between you and your husband, completely understandable, but if that was the case then yall should have just left it that way instead of bringing the entire world into yall's business or better yet, just be real about what was going on instead of putting on this big show for no reason.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
You People You!!
You people get on my nerves, I mean every since I was in high school all I wanted to do was fit in with the crowd, so when I made the cheer leading team I was excited of course but then again "you people" knew exactly how to break other people down...
You people with your words, your judgement, your back-handed compliments, your fake smile, and your fake friendship to me and everyone except to those just like you...
You backstabbers you! I can't believe I wanted to change myself to be like the crew, I mean I did things I wouldn't normally do and for what? because you damn sure used it against me all the time, every time and then...
Sophomore year happen and none of you so called friends gave ah flying pig shit about what really happen nor did any of you care to ask either and why would you? I mean why believe me over someone like you even if they are lying there ass off just to have something to talk about...
You people kill me because not only have I been over thinking the past so much so that I still find myself trying get approval from you and I'm ah grown ass women, married to a wonderful man who loves the shit out of me and all my flaws, and I have three beautiful children who feel the same but to get back on subject,
You people kill me because I would have been able to let this go years back if I thought that all of the things most of you put me through for no good reason were just high school girls being high school bitches but of course not, "you people" grew up and unfortunately for some of you maturity didn't follow because if it had, I think many of you should have at least tried to send out an apology my way just to forgive and forget, if nothing else, I mean geesh "you people" act as if, if you give me an apology we have to be life long friends and we don't but do you not feel as though if you've done something blatantly wrong to someone else you shouldn't have to apologize for your wrong doing?
You people really just get under my skin not only for your vainness but your inability to admit when your wrong about something I mean, it's obvious that you never really knew me because if you did, if any of you were really friends of mine or so called family! you would have known that I would have been the last person to;
kick you while your down
snitch on you, for something you did
talk shit about your mistakes
tell everyone personal business of yours
laugh behind your back but smile in your face knowing I don't like you
SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT YOU!
So with that being said let me just clear the air now about everything and if you don't like it, just think of it as your personal dose of karma!!
Freshman Year
I had three best friends whom I'd known since middle school, one of which I joined the cheer leading team with and all of you people thought we were gay right...wrong! she is my lil sis never nothing sexual!
can't say the same for some of you though who were clearly in LIKE with other "same sex" people, most of which were on the team with us
Sophomore Year
I had one high school boyfriend after "Nate" and I really like him but of course "you people" and Nate had to mess that up when you started that rumor about me and Nate having sex in the locker room....Now I will admit that yes we were in the locker room, and yes he and I planned to get it in and for that reason alone I took my punishment! can't say the same for some of you, but when he tried to play me, of all people when I was one of the only people who had truly befriended him, by treating me like I owed him some ass just cause he was Nathaniel! and then anal sex out of all places...Please! and my husband will contest to that, I don't do ass...
More power to the people that do but I'm not one of them and yes maybe Nate did ejaculate but it was from all that huffing and puffing he did trying to put it in and then he ejaculated on him self not in, on, or even close to me at all, that's why when Paris walked in and seen us, she saw him in the bathroom area trying to wipe semen off of his clothes and me tying my shoes getting ready to leave from the locker room all together...
When she asked what was going on, with ah nasty lil grin on her face, that is why I told her nothing but she still took what she saw and her thoughts and ran with it and all of you people just believed it because you wanted to...next to me and him being suspended for being in the girls locker room together not because we had actually had sex with one another
But hey at the time who gave ah shit about the truth no matter how many times I told it, except the three friends I had freshman year...Thanks Destiny, Danielle, and Fantasia
Junior Year
I did me and found new friends like Kara, and I started career center and went through the same thing all because all of the girls in the program liked the same guy but when that guy liked just me, that was the biggest problem in the world all of "you people" tried to make that hell for not only me but him as well...that's when most of "you people" in high school were calling me gay yet again due to me hanging out with Kara! and then people in the career center, or should I say person in the career center told the guy, who is now my husband so lots of good your lies did, that I was a nasty diseased hoe that slept with every dude I met...
by this time I really started to say fuck y'all and all the unfair treatment I got that played heavenly on my mind and gave me realistic thoughts of ended it all..."you people" played with the depression I had instead of leaving it alone to die down some of "you people" really just didn't give ah damn and thankfully be this time I had ah place where I could let go...Thanks Kara, and Luana, Kara's mom, y'all are really family to me
But no you idiots I was not nor am I having an type of sexual relationship with Kara!
Any and everything after this point is in ah since, Casper! because I was trying my hardest to not think or give ah damn about anything or anybody but my man and graduating!
But that still didn't work due to the fact that whenever I turned around I saw or heard about "you fucking people" I mean even after we graduated some of you still didn't /couldn't leave well enough alone
Why in the hell couldn't "you people" have just done y'all and let me do me?
Do you people really not have an answer?
Well I'll answer for you then...
The answer is because "you people" have nothing else better to do but keep fucking with me, because ain't shit else important, long lasting or constant happening in you people's lives!
You people need to really grow the hell up and leave well enough alone mainly because I've been at ah place in my life for almost five years now that some of you are just now getting to and the truth is, when "you people" were talking about me having children and ah husband and now ah house, y'all were really light weight envious because y'all weren't at that place in y'all's life yet...
And if I'm not speaking the truth, answer me this then...
How many of you people who always, since you met me, have children now?
Now how many of you people have ah man that wants to start ah family with you and buy houses and give you any and everything he can just to see you happy?
Let me guess...None of you people right!
Yeah you have children and ah baby daddy but when will "you people" stop being nothing more than the tired, childish, vain, devious, almost hoe baby mother who he can't do anything more then argue with they man cause they can't get him to take care of his baby or them?
That's right some of you love the way I taste so much that you can't manage to keep my name or what I do out y'all's mouth and for what... because of some shit you people heard and never bothered to find out if there was truth behind it!
Huh...that shit's crazy
Now that I've released the weight off my chest, cleared my mind of all the thoughts I've had about "you people" and finally let y'all know, three words...
Fuck You People!!
You people with your words, your judgement, your back-handed compliments, your fake smile, and your fake friendship to me and everyone except to those just like you...
You backstabbers you! I can't believe I wanted to change myself to be like the crew, I mean I did things I wouldn't normally do and for what? because you damn sure used it against me all the time, every time and then...
Sophomore year happen and none of you so called friends gave ah flying pig shit about what really happen nor did any of you care to ask either and why would you? I mean why believe me over someone like you even if they are lying there ass off just to have something to talk about...
You people kill me because not only have I been over thinking the past so much so that I still find myself trying get approval from you and I'm ah grown ass women, married to a wonderful man who loves the shit out of me and all my flaws, and I have three beautiful children who feel the same but to get back on subject,
You people kill me because I would have been able to let this go years back if I thought that all of the things most of you put me through for no good reason were just high school girls being high school bitches but of course not, "you people" grew up and unfortunately for some of you maturity didn't follow because if it had, I think many of you should have at least tried to send out an apology my way just to forgive and forget, if nothing else, I mean geesh "you people" act as if, if you give me an apology we have to be life long friends and we don't but do you not feel as though if you've done something blatantly wrong to someone else you shouldn't have to apologize for your wrong doing?
You people really just get under my skin not only for your vainness but your inability to admit when your wrong about something I mean, it's obvious that you never really knew me because if you did, if any of you were really friends of mine or so called family! you would have known that I would have been the last person to;
kick you while your down
snitch on you, for something you did
talk shit about your mistakes
tell everyone personal business of yours
laugh behind your back but smile in your face knowing I don't like you
SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT YOU!
So with that being said let me just clear the air now about everything and if you don't like it, just think of it as your personal dose of karma!!
Freshman Year
I had three best friends whom I'd known since middle school, one of which I joined the cheer leading team with and all of you people thought we were gay right...wrong! she is my lil sis never nothing sexual!
can't say the same for some of you though who were clearly in LIKE with other "same sex" people, most of which were on the team with us
Sophomore Year
I had one high school boyfriend after "Nate" and I really like him but of course "you people" and Nate had to mess that up when you started that rumor about me and Nate having sex in the locker room....Now I will admit that yes we were in the locker room, and yes he and I planned to get it in and for that reason alone I took my punishment! can't say the same for some of you, but when he tried to play me, of all people when I was one of the only people who had truly befriended him, by treating me like I owed him some ass just cause he was Nathaniel! and then anal sex out of all places...Please! and my husband will contest to that, I don't do ass...
More power to the people that do but I'm not one of them and yes maybe Nate did ejaculate but it was from all that huffing and puffing he did trying to put it in and then he ejaculated on him self not in, on, or even close to me at all, that's why when Paris walked in and seen us, she saw him in the bathroom area trying to wipe semen off of his clothes and me tying my shoes getting ready to leave from the locker room all together...
When she asked what was going on, with ah nasty lil grin on her face, that is why I told her nothing but she still took what she saw and her thoughts and ran with it and all of you people just believed it because you wanted to...next to me and him being suspended for being in the girls locker room together not because we had actually had sex with one another
But hey at the time who gave ah shit about the truth no matter how many times I told it, except the three friends I had freshman year...Thanks Destiny, Danielle, and Fantasia
Junior Year
I did me and found new friends like Kara, and I started career center and went through the same thing all because all of the girls in the program liked the same guy but when that guy liked just me, that was the biggest problem in the world all of "you people" tried to make that hell for not only me but him as well...that's when most of "you people" in high school were calling me gay yet again due to me hanging out with Kara! and then people in the career center, or should I say person in the career center told the guy, who is now my husband so lots of good your lies did, that I was a nasty diseased hoe that slept with every dude I met...
by this time I really started to say fuck y'all and all the unfair treatment I got that played heavenly on my mind and gave me realistic thoughts of ended it all..."you people" played with the depression I had instead of leaving it alone to die down some of "you people" really just didn't give ah damn and thankfully be this time I had ah place where I could let go...Thanks Kara, and Luana, Kara's mom, y'all are really family to me
But no you idiots I was not nor am I having an type of sexual relationship with Kara!
Any and everything after this point is in ah since, Casper! because I was trying my hardest to not think or give ah damn about anything or anybody but my man and graduating!
But that still didn't work due to the fact that whenever I turned around I saw or heard about "you fucking people" I mean even after we graduated some of you still didn't /couldn't leave well enough alone
Why in the hell couldn't "you people" have just done y'all and let me do me?
Do you people really not have an answer?
Well I'll answer for you then...
The answer is because "you people" have nothing else better to do but keep fucking with me, because ain't shit else important, long lasting or constant happening in you people's lives!
You people need to really grow the hell up and leave well enough alone mainly because I've been at ah place in my life for almost five years now that some of you are just now getting to and the truth is, when "you people" were talking about me having children and ah husband and now ah house, y'all were really light weight envious because y'all weren't at that place in y'all's life yet...
And if I'm not speaking the truth, answer me this then...
How many of you people who always, since you met me, have children now?
Now how many of you people have ah man that wants to start ah family with you and buy houses and give you any and everything he can just to see you happy?
Let me guess...None of you people right!
Yeah you have children and ah baby daddy but when will "you people" stop being nothing more than the tired, childish, vain, devious, almost hoe baby mother who he can't do anything more then argue with they man cause they can't get him to take care of his baby or them?
That's right some of you love the way I taste so much that you can't manage to keep my name or what I do out y'all's mouth and for what... because of some shit you people heard and never bothered to find out if there was truth behind it!
Huh...that shit's crazy
Now that I've released the weight off my chest, cleared my mind of all the thoughts I've had about "you people" and finally let y'all know, three words...
Fuck You People!!
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