When people think about African Americans, their face becomes distressed, as if we're aliens from a different planet, we're even classified differently when it comes to applying for jobs, during award shows, even commercials. Come on...On one hand, we're asking for those of different races to except us, Black-African Americans, as their equals and on the completely other hand we're separating ourselves. Now, that's not to say that Americans aren't trying to separate us either but my question is...How can we, as the African Americans, complain if we, ourselves, are falling in line or back in formation of separating our own selves?
My opinion is that, we as people can not keep complaining about change expecting a change to come all while doing and or not doing anything different ourselves, in doing so we're driving ourselves insane literally by definition, because only insane people continue to do the same things over and over again, expecting different outcomes each and every time! If we, as Black-African Americans really wanted a change to come, we would make the first steps forward to allow a change to come and WAIT for the progress. The problem then becomes the fact that our race, is so fucking impatient, that we get tired of waiting on Americans to move at our pace instead of their own. So we then start a movement of our own, not realizing that our moves aren't actually in a forward motion but in a backward one instead!
We're segregating our own race from those of other races, all the while asking why White, Hispanic, Latino and Chinese people don't understand us but want to be like us? When the question should be why don't we rather why can't we, Black- African Americans understand ourselves enough to not get so mad/ angry, at the fact that other races want to imitate us because, if we had more sense or if we used our heads, calmed down and really sat back to realize that imitation is the highest form of flattery, then it would finally dawn on us that they (Americans/ other races) don't hate us intentionally, they actually dislike, with a passion, what they wish they could be themselves...
Maybe they feel like the people who are transgender, who we're born in the wrong body, except they were born in the wrong skin! Same could be said about us Black-African Americans, with all the changes we keep trying to make to our physical appearance. Example being the slanted eyes we try to give ourselves with make-up (Chinese) or the waist trainers/ tummy tucks/ lipo-suction for a skinny body that we weren't born with but (white people) were or, the way we like to dress with our mid-drifts out/uncovered (Latinos) or getting super long ass weave down our backs (Hispanics).
We as people imitate things we've grown fond of, from the clothes on our backs, to the shoes on our feet, to the hair down our backs or lack there of. The difference is, we as African Americans choose to take offense when others "treat" us a certain way, not fully realizing that we "treat" others in that same manner but for some reason it's justified in our minds! Because of what, I mean why? Because of slavery? Well guess what, there was also genocide to other specific races not just ours. Slavery doesn't make us different nor does it keep us stagnate, it actually makes us strong willed, which allows us to give testimonials throughout our life, to create change and trying to create change, is a process and having the ability to be PATIENT through that process, allows room for PROGRESS! It's a step by step flow/reaction just like when a baby learns to walk, they must first learn to sit, then crawl, then walk allowing them to one day run! It's all movement but, we have to remember is that even movement takes time...It has to first start with us but, that can not happen if we're constantly going insane dancing back-in-forth, we have got to learn a new dance.
- lets salsa!
Monday, April 27, 2015
Can I Get Personal?
Do you know what it feels like to be broken? To wake up every day with the feeling that, there's no one who completely understands you. To constantly have in your mind, no matter what you do, when you do it - what you say and how you say it, no one will believe you or have the knowledge to know where you're coming from or where you've been and through all the drama, there's no one who knows and gets where you're trying to go in your life. Hell, that being said, do you even know or understand yourself!?
Some days I wake up and wonder, is this really my life? I honestly spend hours in my head, trying to figure out how I can possibly fix it, my life that is. Could I have done or said something different? What if I never had kids, would they be better off without me? Would I be better off without them? Where would my husband and I be, if we never got married? Would we even still be together? What if I had a better relationship with my mother, way back before now, would it have changed my out look on life or my personality at all? What if I was passive aggressive, instead of; Bipolar, crazy aggressive, the way I am or the way people seem to think I am now?
Honestly...I'm sitting up, after having took four sleeping pills, restless because my mind has told my body, "there's a problem." Only trouble is, I can't seem to pin point the problem! Am I too mean?...Am I too bod?...Am I too real?...Or is my problem the fact that I want to make sure everyone I know is alright, happy and likes me?
I honestly have no explanation for wanting to do that, mainly because I always place my emotions, needs, wants, likes and dislikes on the back burner like recycled grease. I will even think I'm complaining about consistently doing this to myself and how I never get any free time to just take care of me and worry about my happiness, only to always repeat this shit...Talking about how tired of going through this and caring on about being done! When the sad, horrible reality is that, in some weird, crazy fucked up way...I kind of like it! It actually gives me something to do because I will literally go crazy - deranged, if I was completely alone.
In this moment, I feel tons of emotions, I didn't bother to realize I would ever feel. I never really considered my own children, the ones that I grew on the inside of me and were cut out of me, would be taken from me because I yell at them, because I teach them manners, because they get disciplined for doing bad things, because I make them do their homework, because I make them clean up after themselves, because they cry like someone has taken a shot gun to the face of their imaginary pet dog, because we blast music and have dance sessions, because I let them help me cook on occasion, because I make them wash their ass and brush their teeth every day, because we (mom & dad) play tag, hide & seek, toy war, phase ten, cops and the occasional hide and scare the shit out of somebody and like most kids do when playing they fall, they yell, they fake cry, they run, THEY GET HURT! I'm the bad guy who must be abusing my children...GTFOH!!
That's called being a damn good mother okay, that's called teaching your children responsibility okay, that's called the exchange of respect from child to parent and parent to child okay, that's called kids being kids okay, that's called try it sometime and stop trying to single my family out for not allowing my children to run around the city of Griffin GA like mini thots, shaking their ass and giving off the notion that their grown when really their only 7 months, 2, 6 and 7 years old okay!
I've tried to continue praying to God about my situation, trying to avoid asking, "why me Lord?" But, I feel as though it's not the right time to ask HIM to return my heavy load back to me yet, mainly because I need to breath and take in this entire situation so that my brain recognizes that this is very real and it is something that I can not control what so ever. A part of me really wish I had the ability to see into the future, to know when my four hearts will return home...Back in my chest, so that I might live again.
I don't have many regrets in my life, but I do regret putting myself in this type of situation. Basically, I regret leaving a window open for someones doubt of me being a good parent to come in. I miss my children being at home day-in and day-out, every time someone comes up to me asking, "where are the kids?", My first thought is always their faces and what their doing when their not with me! And getting supervised visits with them, Sunday's, isn't enough. If it were good enough I would be the type of person the state is trying to make me out to be. Hell the day I get my kids back, I'm going...Scratch that, we're going to have a mini party at home and there will be games and staying up late and just all out fun because this is where they need to be, forever and ALWAYS. I can honestly and whole heartily say, "A change is gonna come when my kids come home and maybe not on that day but soon after, we're getting the hell outta Griffin, where everybody knows not just your name, but your business and think that knowing all that entitles them to being apart of your life, to that I say...NOT ME, NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY LIFE, I'M GOOD!
Some days I wake up and wonder, is this really my life? I honestly spend hours in my head, trying to figure out how I can possibly fix it, my life that is. Could I have done or said something different? What if I never had kids, would they be better off without me? Would I be better off without them? Where would my husband and I be, if we never got married? Would we even still be together? What if I had a better relationship with my mother, way back before now, would it have changed my out look on life or my personality at all? What if I was passive aggressive, instead of; Bipolar, crazy aggressive, the way I am or the way people seem to think I am now?
Honestly...I'm sitting up, after having took four sleeping pills, restless because my mind has told my body, "there's a problem." Only trouble is, I can't seem to pin point the problem! Am I too mean?...Am I too bod?...Am I too real?...Or is my problem the fact that I want to make sure everyone I know is alright, happy and likes me?
I honestly have no explanation for wanting to do that, mainly because I always place my emotions, needs, wants, likes and dislikes on the back burner like recycled grease. I will even think I'm complaining about consistently doing this to myself and how I never get any free time to just take care of me and worry about my happiness, only to always repeat this shit...Talking about how tired of going through this and caring on about being done! When the sad, horrible reality is that, in some weird, crazy fucked up way...I kind of like it! It actually gives me something to do because I will literally go crazy - deranged, if I was completely alone.
In this moment, I feel tons of emotions, I didn't bother to realize I would ever feel. I never really considered my own children, the ones that I grew on the inside of me and were cut out of me, would be taken from me because I yell at them, because I teach them manners, because they get disciplined for doing bad things, because I make them do their homework, because I make them clean up after themselves, because they cry like someone has taken a shot gun to the face of their imaginary pet dog, because we blast music and have dance sessions, because I let them help me cook on occasion, because I make them wash their ass and brush their teeth every day, because we (mom & dad) play tag, hide & seek, toy war, phase ten, cops and the occasional hide and scare the shit out of somebody and like most kids do when playing they fall, they yell, they fake cry, they run, THEY GET HURT! I'm the bad guy who must be abusing my children...GTFOH!!
That's called being a damn good mother okay, that's called teaching your children responsibility okay, that's called the exchange of respect from child to parent and parent to child okay, that's called kids being kids okay, that's called try it sometime and stop trying to single my family out for not allowing my children to run around the city of Griffin GA like mini thots, shaking their ass and giving off the notion that their grown when really their only 7 months, 2, 6 and 7 years old okay!
I've tried to continue praying to God about my situation, trying to avoid asking, "why me Lord?" But, I feel as though it's not the right time to ask HIM to return my heavy load back to me yet, mainly because I need to breath and take in this entire situation so that my brain recognizes that this is very real and it is something that I can not control what so ever. A part of me really wish I had the ability to see into the future, to know when my four hearts will return home...Back in my chest, so that I might live again.
I don't have many regrets in my life, but I do regret putting myself in this type of situation. Basically, I regret leaving a window open for someones doubt of me being a good parent to come in. I miss my children being at home day-in and day-out, every time someone comes up to me asking, "where are the kids?", My first thought is always their faces and what their doing when their not with me! And getting supervised visits with them, Sunday's, isn't enough. If it were good enough I would be the type of person the state is trying to make me out to be. Hell the day I get my kids back, I'm going...Scratch that, we're going to have a mini party at home and there will be games and staying up late and just all out fun because this is where they need to be, forever and ALWAYS. I can honestly and whole heartily say, "A change is gonna come when my kids come home and maybe not on that day but soon after, we're getting the hell outta Griffin, where everybody knows not just your name, but your business and think that knowing all that entitles them to being apart of your life, to that I say...NOT ME, NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY LIFE, I'M GOOD!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
The Polygamist Playa
Does one man really need fifty-two cards in his deck, or can he play with just one?
Okay...Truth, a man will find love in a woman in due time, what's unknown to the woman he fell in love with is that the man actually was in love with her!
I know that the last statement you just read was a bit cconfusing so I'll do my best to explain...
Men are a "keep to themselves" kind of breed, which basically means they'll hold all their sensitive emotions one the inside to keep from showing their girl; their lady, their woman, their baby mama, their fiance, their wife or their niggas their volunerablilty. Feelings of being deamed a punk or mitch! Tends to make them a little afraid or for the lack of a better word hesitent. Now hold up fellas don't sop reading because I'm in no way trying or intending to bad mouth or throw y'all under the bus, I'm just gone write...can a write for a bit and y'all just hang in there with me for a while?
Okay - ugh, back to the fact that men don't tap into their emotions to women as much as they should, I misspoke just then, men definitley share feelings but only to their mothers!
- Yeah she did!
So with that being said, Ma'am always knows, so she'll know that the man your so in love with actually loves you, yeah he feels a lil somethin' somthin' for you, get yo smile on. But how the hell does that help you or even benefit you? Since you don't know that he cares? You'll start and continually do and say dumb, weird, malicious, ratchet, just plain stupid ass shit that will piss him off on a daily, which will eventually turn him off of you, oh but he won't leave you, even though now, he's kind of looking at you like, "I got to much luv for shorty now, to just say fuck her. Yeah she now more like a little sis to me!" At least thats what he'll be saying to all his friends.
NO ladies the sad thing or truth of the matter is that he'll not only stay with you but he'll be just beginning a new relationship with somone else which he'll then do two things with her. He'll one, get involved with the chick, tell his mother about how in love he is with her and how she might be the one. Two, he'll eventually find something she did or didn't do to piss him over, grow tried of her in some way then stay but leave her too. All the while talking to you, laughing with her and just beginning to love on someone else.
Honestly, in my opinion, I feel as though the type of man who does this to a woman either really hates his mother or is such a mama's boy, that he wants to be in a relationship with her and is out looking for someone just like her so that he can feel safe enough to open up to, emotionally, and be in love with all at the same time. I say this because if you think about it, a man like this would go out picking up chicks, that in someway resembels their mother, find someone else and someone else and someone else, did I say and someone else? Damn if he through a party and the guest list contain just him, you and about three other chicks and he's enjoying himself, he's probably dating you, her and that girl over there. Seriously, what if itakes for him to be with three different women for him to actually say or be really in love with just the ONE!?
In short, this nigga has found the one within three different relationships and has no plains of ending any of the three. Hood break for a secend, "That nigga is seriously loney toones, his hamster has just stop spinning in his head." My quetion now is, How many women out there would actually be okay and want to spend the rest of their lives with a man who has two, three, four other women, wives, babymamas, fiances? I ask that because some of you women out there want to be in a relationship so bad that as soon as a man smiles at you, y'all ready for a relationship. Now weather y'all do this because of your age or because of the desperate desire of not wanting to sleep alone, hell maybe y'all do it cause y'all just want a man and wanna have fun and don't care, In short the need to have a title.
I'll apologize because yes, I straid from the original topic at hand but I just couldn't resist the urge to ask my question. Back to the reason why I'm writing this post actually lets just say, back to the topic of this post, like I said before, polygamist are people who seek comfort in many spouses, I honestly don't know if spouses is a word or not but, it'll be one today! Men seek comfort in many different relationships, people, you happy now? I don't know why they do it I've made some hypothosis but tuthfully,I don't think many polygamist even know why they do it or for that matter what, exactlly, their looking for.
The only thing I can say about this topic, would be to give my answer, to the question I asked when I started. Do men really need fifty- two cards in their deck or can they play with just one? I beleive they can, I think this world and they way it operates is basied off of choices and we as people choose to do things we want to do, we choose say what we wanna say, we choose to leave and we choose to stay. We choose to work or not, we choose to have or get into or out of a relationship, we choose to then marry that person and raise babies with them or not and we damn well choose who we will be in this life. So being that life is a choice, those who are polygmist choose to be, they could very easily be with one and only one person not only that but to have one and only spouse.
When someone chooses to be a polygamist, they have choosen to be a selfish person who solely cares and worries about themselves. They don't love other people the way they should be loved not because they can't but because they don't understand the meaning, they only understand the meaning of their own hearts and happiness because if that were not true they would understand moreover sympathize with the person they CHOSE to string along wasting valuable time in their life thinking they've found the one. Polygamist would relize that when women find out or surcome to the relization that they (the polygamist playas) have always been in several different relationships all the while being in one with them, they (the polygamist playas) come across to the women as a heartless sons of a bitch that just broke their hearts and has now made them want to give up on looking for love.
Polygamy to me is just a fancy word for men or women (for that matter) cheating. It, to me, feels as though men and women out there are saying to themselves, "sense there's a fancy name for it, it must be okay!"
-Thats what I think, say it with me "polygamy is good, that's right" (Eddie Murphy voice in Vampire In Brooklin)
Well ladies and gentalmen it's not okay, polygamy is a joke and futher more it is an excuse for not wanting to grow the hell up and get knocked down in life a few times, hell relationships are hard people, but so is life and there is no sense in trying make sense in why it's hard or feeling as though getting to close to a person will be the end to the world. Sometimes when you're trying out new relationships you have to test drive a few maybe even get in a few accidents in order to come out stronger, more aware and knowlegable of things you blind to when you first got in it but that's good because when you're finally prepared for what comes out of that, you're truly blessed with the one who will and can be your every thing, If that's what you need cause in the words of Alicia Keys,
"A woman ain't a woman if she ain't women enough, to love you when your wrong, love you when your right, love you when your weak, love you when your strong, take you higher when the world got you feeling low, giving you her best even when your at your worst, giving comfort when she thinking that your hurt, that's what's done when you really love someone."
MEN...Y'all just have to trust that we women know, can and will do that for y'all and at that point know how to give it to us in return stop all this nonsense with this damn polygamy, y'all missing your woman you know, the one y'all out searching for!
#yolives #getitcatchitgotitgood
Okay...Truth, a man will find love in a woman in due time, what's unknown to the woman he fell in love with is that the man actually was in love with her!
I know that the last statement you just read was a bit cconfusing so I'll do my best to explain...
Men are a "keep to themselves" kind of breed, which basically means they'll hold all their sensitive emotions one the inside to keep from showing their girl; their lady, their woman, their baby mama, their fiance, their wife or their niggas their volunerablilty. Feelings of being deamed a punk or mitch! Tends to make them a little afraid or for the lack of a better word hesitent. Now hold up fellas don't sop reading because I'm in no way trying or intending to bad mouth or throw y'all under the bus, I'm just gone write...can a write for a bit and y'all just hang in there with me for a while?
Okay - ugh, back to the fact that men don't tap into their emotions to women as much as they should, I misspoke just then, men definitley share feelings but only to their mothers!
- Yeah she did!
So with that being said, Ma'am always knows, so she'll know that the man your so in love with actually loves you, yeah he feels a lil somethin' somthin' for you, get yo smile on. But how the hell does that help you or even benefit you? Since you don't know that he cares? You'll start and continually do and say dumb, weird, malicious, ratchet, just plain stupid ass shit that will piss him off on a daily, which will eventually turn him off of you, oh but he won't leave you, even though now, he's kind of looking at you like, "I got to much luv for shorty now, to just say fuck her. Yeah she now more like a little sis to me!" At least thats what he'll be saying to all his friends.
NO ladies the sad thing or truth of the matter is that he'll not only stay with you but he'll be just beginning a new relationship with somone else which he'll then do two things with her. He'll one, get involved with the chick, tell his mother about how in love he is with her and how she might be the one. Two, he'll eventually find something she did or didn't do to piss him over, grow tried of her in some way then stay but leave her too. All the while talking to you, laughing with her and just beginning to love on someone else.
Honestly, in my opinion, I feel as though the type of man who does this to a woman either really hates his mother or is such a mama's boy, that he wants to be in a relationship with her and is out looking for someone just like her so that he can feel safe enough to open up to, emotionally, and be in love with all at the same time. I say this because if you think about it, a man like this would go out picking up chicks, that in someway resembels their mother, find someone else and someone else and someone else, did I say and someone else? Damn if he through a party and the guest list contain just him, you and about three other chicks and he's enjoying himself, he's probably dating you, her and that girl over there. Seriously, what if itakes for him to be with three different women for him to actually say or be really in love with just the ONE!?
In short, this nigga has found the one within three different relationships and has no plains of ending any of the three. Hood break for a secend, "That nigga is seriously loney toones, his hamster has just stop spinning in his head." My quetion now is, How many women out there would actually be okay and want to spend the rest of their lives with a man who has two, three, four other women, wives, babymamas, fiances? I ask that because some of you women out there want to be in a relationship so bad that as soon as a man smiles at you, y'all ready for a relationship. Now weather y'all do this because of your age or because of the desperate desire of not wanting to sleep alone, hell maybe y'all do it cause y'all just want a man and wanna have fun and don't care, In short the need to have a title.
I'll apologize because yes, I straid from the original topic at hand but I just couldn't resist the urge to ask my question. Back to the reason why I'm writing this post actually lets just say, back to the topic of this post, like I said before, polygamist are people who seek comfort in many spouses, I honestly don't know if spouses is a word or not but, it'll be one today! Men seek comfort in many different relationships, people, you happy now? I don't know why they do it I've made some hypothosis but tuthfully,I don't think many polygamist even know why they do it or for that matter what, exactlly, their looking for.
The only thing I can say about this topic, would be to give my answer, to the question I asked when I started. Do men really need fifty- two cards in their deck or can they play with just one? I beleive they can, I think this world and they way it operates is basied off of choices and we as people choose to do things we want to do, we choose say what we wanna say, we choose to leave and we choose to stay. We choose to work or not, we choose to have or get into or out of a relationship, we choose to then marry that person and raise babies with them or not and we damn well choose who we will be in this life. So being that life is a choice, those who are polygmist choose to be, they could very easily be with one and only one person not only that but to have one and only spouse.
When someone chooses to be a polygamist, they have choosen to be a selfish person who solely cares and worries about themselves. They don't love other people the way they should be loved not because they can't but because they don't understand the meaning, they only understand the meaning of their own hearts and happiness because if that were not true they would understand moreover sympathize with the person they CHOSE to string along wasting valuable time in their life thinking they've found the one. Polygamist would relize that when women find out or surcome to the relization that they (the polygamist playas) have always been in several different relationships all the while being in one with them, they (the polygamist playas) come across to the women as a heartless sons of a bitch that just broke their hearts and has now made them want to give up on looking for love.
Polygamy to me is just a fancy word for men or women (for that matter) cheating. It, to me, feels as though men and women out there are saying to themselves, "sense there's a fancy name for it, it must be okay!"
-Thats what I think, say it with me "polygamy is good, that's right" (Eddie Murphy voice in Vampire In Brooklin)
Well ladies and gentalmen it's not okay, polygamy is a joke and futher more it is an excuse for not wanting to grow the hell up and get knocked down in life a few times, hell relationships are hard people, but so is life and there is no sense in trying make sense in why it's hard or feeling as though getting to close to a person will be the end to the world. Sometimes when you're trying out new relationships you have to test drive a few maybe even get in a few accidents in order to come out stronger, more aware and knowlegable of things you blind to when you first got in it but that's good because when you're finally prepared for what comes out of that, you're truly blessed with the one who will and can be your every thing, If that's what you need cause in the words of Alicia Keys,
"A woman ain't a woman if she ain't women enough, to love you when your wrong, love you when your right, love you when your weak, love you when your strong, take you higher when the world got you feeling low, giving you her best even when your at your worst, giving comfort when she thinking that your hurt, that's what's done when you really love someone."
MEN...Y'all just have to trust that we women know, can and will do that for y'all and at that point know how to give it to us in return stop all this nonsense with this damn polygamy, y'all missing your woman you know, the one y'all out searching for!
#yolives #getitcatchitgotitgood
Friday, January 30, 2015
Hats Off To The Single Mothers
Miss independent, the mom who also wears the pants in the household! She who has no choice but to play daddy to her child or children, in most instances, is much like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.
On the phone one hand, this woman is nurturing, sensitive, the kisser of all those little boo-boos and the homemaker! On the other hand, this woman is the bread winner, the head of the household, he no-shit taker and the one who has to teach her son how to be a man, a better man then his sperm donner whose mastered the art of disappearing.
This lady has to be strong at heart because, any sign of weakness will give her child or children, the ammunition to gun her down and take over the thrown because as we all know, to be a woman means, to be a queen but what men fail to realize, is that when they relinquish their title as king, the queen now has double the power she already had in the first place and once a WOMAN has had a taste of complete power in her home, it's going to be hard for her to give that up.
Note to men: When y'all get women pregnant, you guys are the only ones who are capable if leaving the situation. If a woman were to leave, they'd be judged, hearing things such as, what kind of mother just leaves their child? Or what was she thinking? She must be crazy! But if a man leaves, people give all kinds of excuses like, maybe he wasn't ready! Or maybe he was scared! My question is, what kind of bullshit us that? I mean can a woman not be scared? Can she not be ready? So why isn't she justified in walking out but a man is!?
I, much like many of you readers, was raised by a single mother. She carried all of the weight and worked her ass off ( almost all of the time) trying to provide for us, us being me and my three siblings, the best way she knew how and we appreciated her for that. Showering her with double everything, especially love but we, as little girls, don't really appreciate our single mothers, until we become ones our selves and then, it's as if we see just how much our own mothers struggled.
Throughout your life of course there are struggles...Financial, mental and emotional but, that struggle is vastly doubled when you have a child. I wonder if a man has ever tried to consider our struggle and if so, did he just not give a damn because he was FREE!
Lets, for a minute, discuss the job description of a homemaker/ single mother...A typical week includes; waking up, getting the kids feed and bathed. Doing your daughters hair or going to get your sons hair cut. Sending them off to school - daycare or headstart, of course you'll have to wash your own ass and get yourself ready for the day. Then you'll head off to work - to make the money. At some point you'll have to go to the grocery store ( if you qualify for foodstamps, BONUS! ) If your job is working from home ( stay - at - home parent ) then you'll have to get your hustle on just to make/ get your money. Then it's time to clean house i.e, washing dishes and clothes, taking out the trash and cleaning that out, mowing the lawn on the weekend and damn if your car needs to be fixed. By the time you get a chance to sit down, its time to pick up the kids, do homework, start dinner, get the kids ready for school in the morning and yourself for the new day and then off to bed, only to get up and do it all over again, ALL BY YOURSELF.
I don't know about y'all but, I need a blunt, a drink or a cigarette after just listing the typical day of a single mother. Where's your FREEDOM single moms? Mothers day and if your lucky fathers day!
What bothers me is that single mothers will do all the work, for years sometimes, then one day - out of nowhere - the "fathers" will just pop up like...Okay, tag me in! As if he called time out for a while to catch his breath or something but will expect you to still be in the game. My feeling towards that is, okay since you've tagged back in ( I say back in because, you were in the game to create the child ) do I now get a time out, a chance to relax and catch my breath! But no, sometimes that single mom winds up taking care of not only their baby/ babies but, that nigga too. Lets face it, we as mothers will always carry the weight of all that happens in their homes. The sad part about that is, they/ we will always be under-appreciated by the men who should be on their knees, bowing down to pucker up and do some major ass kissing.
So right now, in this moment of reading this post, I ask that all the strong, independent, single, queens of their castle, women/ mothers, do this one thing...Close your eyes, lift your heads up, take a deep breath, relax and just be in this moment. Thinking only, to yourselves, this...
" I will make it through these times of dark feelings about when my time will come. My time is now, I have been blessed with children who will always love, respect and appreciate me. They have my back at all times and they'll never forget all the wonderful - as well as not so wonderful times we've had and will have together. No one can take that away from me, even if they try."
Remember this, a man is nothing without a strong woman beside him and he left you, which means he will continue to be NOTHING and miss out on all the joys a child can bring. When you move on and y'all will...It'll be his lost completely, y'all are queens in your own right and a king shall come, until then...Take a bow ladies cause all hats are off for all you single mothers.
On the phone one hand, this woman is nurturing, sensitive, the kisser of all those little boo-boos and the homemaker! On the other hand, this woman is the bread winner, the head of the household, he no-shit taker and the one who has to teach her son how to be a man, a better man then his sperm donner whose mastered the art of disappearing.
This lady has to be strong at heart because, any sign of weakness will give her child or children, the ammunition to gun her down and take over the thrown because as we all know, to be a woman means, to be a queen but what men fail to realize, is that when they relinquish their title as king, the queen now has double the power she already had in the first place and once a WOMAN has had a taste of complete power in her home, it's going to be hard for her to give that up.
Note to men: When y'all get women pregnant, you guys are the only ones who are capable if leaving the situation. If a woman were to leave, they'd be judged, hearing things such as, what kind of mother just leaves their child? Or what was she thinking? She must be crazy! But if a man leaves, people give all kinds of excuses like, maybe he wasn't ready! Or maybe he was scared! My question is, what kind of bullshit us that? I mean can a woman not be scared? Can she not be ready? So why isn't she justified in walking out but a man is!?
I, much like many of you readers, was raised by a single mother. She carried all of the weight and worked her ass off ( almost all of the time) trying to provide for us, us being me and my three siblings, the best way she knew how and we appreciated her for that. Showering her with double everything, especially love but we, as little girls, don't really appreciate our single mothers, until we become ones our selves and then, it's as if we see just how much our own mothers struggled.
Throughout your life of course there are struggles...Financial, mental and emotional but, that struggle is vastly doubled when you have a child. I wonder if a man has ever tried to consider our struggle and if so, did he just not give a damn because he was FREE!
Lets, for a minute, discuss the job description of a homemaker/ single mother...A typical week includes; waking up, getting the kids feed and bathed. Doing your daughters hair or going to get your sons hair cut. Sending them off to school - daycare or headstart, of course you'll have to wash your own ass and get yourself ready for the day. Then you'll head off to work - to make the money. At some point you'll have to go to the grocery store ( if you qualify for foodstamps, BONUS! ) If your job is working from home ( stay - at - home parent ) then you'll have to get your hustle on just to make/ get your money. Then it's time to clean house i.e, washing dishes and clothes, taking out the trash and cleaning that out, mowing the lawn on the weekend and damn if your car needs to be fixed. By the time you get a chance to sit down, its time to pick up the kids, do homework, start dinner, get the kids ready for school in the morning and yourself for the new day and then off to bed, only to get up and do it all over again, ALL BY YOURSELF.
I don't know about y'all but, I need a blunt, a drink or a cigarette after just listing the typical day of a single mother. Where's your FREEDOM single moms? Mothers day and if your lucky fathers day!
What bothers me is that single mothers will do all the work, for years sometimes, then one day - out of nowhere - the "fathers" will just pop up like...Okay, tag me in! As if he called time out for a while to catch his breath or something but will expect you to still be in the game. My feeling towards that is, okay since you've tagged back in ( I say back in because, you were in the game to create the child ) do I now get a time out, a chance to relax and catch my breath! But no, sometimes that single mom winds up taking care of not only their baby/ babies but, that nigga too. Lets face it, we as mothers will always carry the weight of all that happens in their homes. The sad part about that is, they/ we will always be under-appreciated by the men who should be on their knees, bowing down to pucker up and do some major ass kissing.
So right now, in this moment of reading this post, I ask that all the strong, independent, single, queens of their castle, women/ mothers, do this one thing...Close your eyes, lift your heads up, take a deep breath, relax and just be in this moment. Thinking only, to yourselves, this...
" I will make it through these times of dark feelings about when my time will come. My time is now, I have been blessed with children who will always love, respect and appreciate me. They have my back at all times and they'll never forget all the wonderful - as well as not so wonderful times we've had and will have together. No one can take that away from me, even if they try."
Remember this, a man is nothing without a strong woman beside him and he left you, which means he will continue to be NOTHING and miss out on all the joys a child can bring. When you move on and y'all will...It'll be his lost completely, y'all are queens in your own right and a king shall come, until then...Take a bow ladies cause all hats are off for all you single mothers.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
You Love Them Now Leave Them...Or Maybe Just Stay
Have you heard the expression, once a cheater, always a cheater? What about this statement, cheaters never change? If so you believed it didn't you? You've probably thought to yourselves, "I could never cheat on someone, or even stay with someone who's cheated on me!" Well guess what, everyone has had that same thought once or twice, until it happens...You cheat on your mate or your mate cheats on you.
The truth is, you can never really mean that statement because, you can't control two things, one being life and the other being your mate. When you're in a deeply committed relationship, things happen or they don't. What I mean by that is, people change, they tend to stop doing certain things their partner once was fond of or they start doing things their partner grows tried of.
Now, hold on a sec. I am in no way placing blame on which ever person did the cheating, what I am saying however, is that the art of cheating is much like the art of dancing or making a baby, it takes two! Which simply means the so called "victim" isn't really so innocent on their part. They don't really hold all the blame but they can't necessarily cry "wolf" either.
For a moment, lets focus on the cheater. Make no mistake about it, YOU ARE WRONG! But what was your reason for cheating in the first place? Did she/he not give you enough attention? Did he/she stop giving up the booty? Did you need someone to talk to and she/he didn't make the time to listen or support or acknowledge you? Were you board, so you sought out some man/woman to fulfill the element of surprise, as a way of keeping you on your toes, much like your mate once did when y'all first began dating?
Whatever the reason, something began to change in your relationship or maybe just in you so you went for what you thought was a quick fix, something to do to make your mate take notice and either reprimand you or throw in the towel all together. Now before I completely blow yawls mind with my theory on this tragic sometimes fatal end to many relationships, lets discuss the "victim" better known as the one who got cheated on. The reason I said you can't really cry "wolf" or place blame is because you've had to have done something, lets face it, men/women don't just cheat for no reason, unless their polygamist!
So what did you start or stop doing? Did you loose confidence in yourself or - in a womans' case - Did you loose confidence or gain way too much confidence about yourself? Did you start worrying about your needs only and stopped caring about his/hers? Did you become even more lazy (come on, everyone can be lazy) like some kind of couch potato? Did you change your mind about having children, knowing your mate desperately wanted them? Did you loose your attraction for your mate and stopped wanting to have sex with him/her? Did you work all the time, so ultimately that's all you began to care about? Did you mistakenly ask for a threesome, in hopes of spicing things up as way of fixing whatever was broken, in your relationship? If so that was like placing a band-aid on a cut, eventually the bandage gets wet and falls off! Did you want out but waited for your partner to throw in the towel, so you wouldn't have too? Whatever you did or didn't do, I'm sorry to say, might have played a part in why he/she cheated on you in the first place. So again you can't cry "wolf" cause, in my opinion, you knew something like this was coming! So forgive me if I don't but into the talk about you being a "VICTIM", hell for all I know, you could have been getting yourself a little booty on the side, while your mate was cheating.
Okay, ready for my mind blowing theory? Here it is...The reason men/women cheat, in my opinion, is because of the lack of COMMUNICATION!! There's a lot of things that can go missing in a relationship, before it completely falls apart, Trust, sex, and compassion. Then there's COMMUNICATION, respect and love. All these things tend to go in order, much like the stages of grief but once the communication dies, you have two options...Stay with them or leave them! If you decide to stay, be very clear that you're choosing to work - bust yo ass - to rebuild the lose of trust, sex and compassion. You will have to be vulnerable with your mate and COMMUNICATE with them about everything that went wrong between the two of you, what you want out of the relationship now and where to go from here - the next step. Understand, this process will be hard, very hard but worth it if you still love your mate. But should you choose to leave, don't wait until the love and respect is gone, especially if y'all have children, just put your big boy draws/big girl panties on and as I like to say, "CUT THE CORD." Be honest with him/her and tell them out right, the relationship isn't working for you anymore, otherwise you'd be playing a game that both of you will loose especially if there's still love between both or you. Lets be honest, if y'all were to stay together just for the sake of not wanting to be the first one to throw in the towel, would you really be cool with seeing the man/woman, you still love, with a different woman/man?
Now, I'm no expert, I could very well be wrong, I'm just speaking on behalf of things I know to be true but if that's not good enough for you readers...Well I don't know, I guess you'll have to experience cheating or being cheated on for yourself!
The truth is, you can never really mean that statement because, you can't control two things, one being life and the other being your mate. When you're in a deeply committed relationship, things happen or they don't. What I mean by that is, people change, they tend to stop doing certain things their partner once was fond of or they start doing things their partner grows tried of.
Now, hold on a sec. I am in no way placing blame on which ever person did the cheating, what I am saying however, is that the art of cheating is much like the art of dancing or making a baby, it takes two! Which simply means the so called "victim" isn't really so innocent on their part. They don't really hold all the blame but they can't necessarily cry "wolf" either.
For a moment, lets focus on the cheater. Make no mistake about it, YOU ARE WRONG! But what was your reason for cheating in the first place? Did she/he not give you enough attention? Did he/she stop giving up the booty? Did you need someone to talk to and she/he didn't make the time to listen or support or acknowledge you? Were you board, so you sought out some man/woman to fulfill the element of surprise, as a way of keeping you on your toes, much like your mate once did when y'all first began dating?
Whatever the reason, something began to change in your relationship or maybe just in you so you went for what you thought was a quick fix, something to do to make your mate take notice and either reprimand you or throw in the towel all together. Now before I completely blow yawls mind with my theory on this tragic sometimes fatal end to many relationships, lets discuss the "victim" better known as the one who got cheated on. The reason I said you can't really cry "wolf" or place blame is because you've had to have done something, lets face it, men/women don't just cheat for no reason, unless their polygamist!
So what did you start or stop doing? Did you loose confidence in yourself or - in a womans' case - Did you loose confidence or gain way too much confidence about yourself? Did you start worrying about your needs only and stopped caring about his/hers? Did you become even more lazy (come on, everyone can be lazy) like some kind of couch potato? Did you change your mind about having children, knowing your mate desperately wanted them? Did you loose your attraction for your mate and stopped wanting to have sex with him/her? Did you work all the time, so ultimately that's all you began to care about? Did you mistakenly ask for a threesome, in hopes of spicing things up as way of fixing whatever was broken, in your relationship? If so that was like placing a band-aid on a cut, eventually the bandage gets wet and falls off! Did you want out but waited for your partner to throw in the towel, so you wouldn't have too? Whatever you did or didn't do, I'm sorry to say, might have played a part in why he/she cheated on you in the first place. So again you can't cry "wolf" cause, in my opinion, you knew something like this was coming! So forgive me if I don't but into the talk about you being a "VICTIM", hell for all I know, you could have been getting yourself a little booty on the side, while your mate was cheating.
Okay, ready for my mind blowing theory? Here it is...The reason men/women cheat, in my opinion, is because of the lack of COMMUNICATION!! There's a lot of things that can go missing in a relationship, before it completely falls apart, Trust, sex, and compassion. Then there's COMMUNICATION, respect and love. All these things tend to go in order, much like the stages of grief but once the communication dies, you have two options...Stay with them or leave them! If you decide to stay, be very clear that you're choosing to work - bust yo ass - to rebuild the lose of trust, sex and compassion. You will have to be vulnerable with your mate and COMMUNICATE with them about everything that went wrong between the two of you, what you want out of the relationship now and where to go from here - the next step. Understand, this process will be hard, very hard but worth it if you still love your mate. But should you choose to leave, don't wait until the love and respect is gone, especially if y'all have children, just put your big boy draws/big girl panties on and as I like to say, "CUT THE CORD." Be honest with him/her and tell them out right, the relationship isn't working for you anymore, otherwise you'd be playing a game that both of you will loose especially if there's still love between both or you. Lets be honest, if y'all were to stay together just for the sake of not wanting to be the first one to throw in the towel, would you really be cool with seeing the man/woman, you still love, with a different woman/man?
Now, I'm no expert, I could very well be wrong, I'm just speaking on behalf of things I know to be true but if that's not good enough for you readers...Well I don't know, I guess you'll have to experience cheating or being cheated on for yourself!
Sex...M.I.A
Ah the teenage years, the years where if you are engaging in any sexual activities, it is the best activity in your life! It beats playing football, basketball, soccer, track/cross country running. It beats cheer-leading, dance, acting, and poetry, but don't get me wrong, theses activities are great to participate in, I like to think of them as...Foreplay! Something that will eventually lead to - getting it on, doing the "do," the "grown-up," or as Snoop would call it, sexual seduction. Which makes this activity awesome!!
Now before I go any deeper, pun intended! When you're young, parents are absolutely accurate in saying things such as, "Sex is not something for KIDS" or "Wait until you're old enough." They tell/warn you about sex before you have it because, while they already know you're thinking about it, they want you to THINK about it. Did you know, each time you have sex, you give that person (or people, no judgement) a part of you and the part you give is whatever your partner chooses to remember about yawls, very personal, very private encounter? The memory will never go away, weather it's very good or very - very bad, and I should know, (just take a look/ read at my old post entitled You People You). So if you do nothing else do these four things before you have sex;
Sex is like a bear in hibernation, it's as if you're lying dormant from birth to the age when you first loose your virginity and once you do, it's as if the only thing on your mind is, when can I do it again? I don't know or can't speak for on behalf of all women but I can speak for me...Sex is like a bowel of frosted flakes, it's GRRREAT! Especially if you or at the very least your partner knows what to do and how to do it. To quote Bruce Leroy, in one of my favorite movies, "The Last Dragon" you'll need someone who can, "SHOW YOU SOME MOVES!" At least until you - yourself get into the swing of things. Once you do though, get ready, cause you'll be in for the time of your life!
There's literally so many different positions to try and ways to be bent that your teenage years are really the best years to engage in sexual activities such as, the stand up sixty-nine, the downward facing dog ( that's not just a yoga pose people), some back seat, or if you're like me, front seat action! Everyone loves getting it from the back (not in the ass!), but if you're into that go for it! Getting and giving head isn't to bad either, especially getting! I mean really, who doesn't enjoy waking up to some tongue action in between the streets of right and left leg? Hell any action in between those "streets" is ridiculous in the am!
One of my reasons for liking sex at this stage is because of the sneaking, the fear of almost getting caught, in the bathroom, in the living-room, in the closet of your bedroom, shit pulling an R-Kelly and enjoying a little quickie in the kitchen ( on the table, over by the stove, or on the counter, by the buttered rolls). Anyone up for a little game of don't get caught outside also revered to as a quick game of hide and go get some, between you and your "lova man" or "lova girl." That thrill I get of can/did you see me ? Gets me going every time.
Love making is cool, when you find the love of your life but in my opinion, making love should be made when you really love or are in love with someone, not just love making with the one you're with...That's why that category is restricted, and the only one who has access to that area is my husband. But before I was married, I explored the area of fucking! Rough sex is in a word...Amazing. Having, in your mind, the unlimited use of come get some baby, take me - it's yours, tie me up, smack my ass, leave me a few "love" tags, as known as hickeys, pull my hair, bite me, slam me into the wall and have your way with me was amazing because, if you did get bruised, you could always blame it on whatever sport you were into.Yeah, the teenage years where there was a lot of action, especially on the weekends, when you'd be held up in your very own little piece of "sex heaven" with your boyfriend/girlfriend, fuck buddy or maybe lying about where you were going to be, in order to go sneak a quick session in over their house. Shit those were the days!
Then somewhere along the lines all that sex STOPS! Not because you've gotten board but because you've gotten busy, busy working, busy graduating and heading to college, busy having children and careers and through all that busy business, your sex life went from being very popular to very smokers and goths only. And then you're married and you're children require food, time, attention, doctor visits, oh and that house isn't going to clean its self! You'd be lucky to get a babysitter, just to get some alone time with your man (or woman) and when you do, you're tired or arguing about why y'all haven't had sex in a while, instead of actually having sex while y'all have the time to do so.
Conversations that once began with the sentence, "How do you want it?" Now begin with the sentence, "When do you want to?" Before you know or realize that sex has went ROGUE, it's been an entire month and you've only had sex maybe once but that time doesn't really count cause it was some finger or hand action and nobody came or maybe you did cum but were too upset, from the non-penetration to give a shit.
Then one day when you're watching Showtime movies and a sex scene pops up, you look at your man or woman and y'all realize y'all remember now whats missing in yawls relationship, marriage or partnership...The sex has been M.I.A! You both say, "DAMN" with your eyes and then quickly realize your next order of business, to get butt naked and have some Marvin Gay,"sexual healing" finally satisfying the urge of having sex, remembering the feeling of deep penetration in a cozy, wet, warm, place of pure goodness, wanting to keep yawls sex record on repeat, stopping only to smoke y'all a cigarette and take a cat nap in order to recoup for another round of good old fashioned SEX.
Now before I go any deeper, pun intended! When you're young, parents are absolutely accurate in saying things such as, "Sex is not something for KIDS" or "Wait until you're old enough." They tell/warn you about sex before you have it because, while they already know you're thinking about it, they want you to THINK about it. Did you know, each time you have sex, you give that person (or people, no judgement) a part of you and the part you give is whatever your partner chooses to remember about yawls, very personal, very private encounter? The memory will never go away, weather it's very good or very - very bad, and I should know, (just take a look/ read at my old post entitled You People You). So if you do nothing else do these four things before you have sex;
- Get birth control and have it, at all times, cause there is no such thing as, "Well I wasn't trying to get pregnant!"
- Know the person you want to have sex with because, he could be crazy, deranged, dumb as a box of rocks, gay (it happens, not to me, but hey you never know) or he/she could be related to you and that will fuck you up mentally.
- Wear a condom! Even if he says he's allergic! Hell he doesn't know your allergies, you could be allergic to pregnancy...the very thought about having a baby to soon, might make you break out in hives.
- Go get checked up - out - around even under, regularly, just in case you say he's clean or she says she is, you'll never know how clean if you don't take "YO" ass to the doctor!! Had to get ghetto for a sec.
Sex is like a bear in hibernation, it's as if you're lying dormant from birth to the age when you first loose your virginity and once you do, it's as if the only thing on your mind is, when can I do it again? I don't know or can't speak for on behalf of all women but I can speak for me...Sex is like a bowel of frosted flakes, it's GRRREAT! Especially if you or at the very least your partner knows what to do and how to do it. To quote Bruce Leroy, in one of my favorite movies, "The Last Dragon" you'll need someone who can, "SHOW YOU SOME MOVES!" At least until you - yourself get into the swing of things. Once you do though, get ready, cause you'll be in for the time of your life!
There's literally so many different positions to try and ways to be bent that your teenage years are really the best years to engage in sexual activities such as, the stand up sixty-nine, the downward facing dog ( that's not just a yoga pose people), some back seat, or if you're like me, front seat action! Everyone loves getting it from the back (not in the ass!), but if you're into that go for it! Getting and giving head isn't to bad either, especially getting! I mean really, who doesn't enjoy waking up to some tongue action in between the streets of right and left leg? Hell any action in between those "streets" is ridiculous in the am!
One of my reasons for liking sex at this stage is because of the sneaking, the fear of almost getting caught, in the bathroom, in the living-room, in the closet of your bedroom, shit pulling an R-Kelly and enjoying a little quickie in the kitchen ( on the table, over by the stove, or on the counter, by the buttered rolls). Anyone up for a little game of don't get caught outside also revered to as a quick game of hide and go get some, between you and your "lova man" or "lova girl." That thrill I get of can/did you see me ? Gets me going every time.
Love making is cool, when you find the love of your life but in my opinion, making love should be made when you really love or are in love with someone, not just love making with the one you're with...That's why that category is restricted, and the only one who has access to that area is my husband. But before I was married, I explored the area of fucking! Rough sex is in a word...Amazing. Having, in your mind, the unlimited use of come get some baby, take me - it's yours, tie me up, smack my ass, leave me a few "love" tags, as known as hickeys, pull my hair, bite me, slam me into the wall and have your way with me was amazing because, if you did get bruised, you could always blame it on whatever sport you were into.Yeah, the teenage years where there was a lot of action, especially on the weekends, when you'd be held up in your very own little piece of "sex heaven" with your boyfriend/girlfriend, fuck buddy or maybe lying about where you were going to be, in order to go sneak a quick session in over their house. Shit those were the days!
Then somewhere along the lines all that sex STOPS! Not because you've gotten board but because you've gotten busy, busy working, busy graduating and heading to college, busy having children and careers and through all that busy business, your sex life went from being very popular to very smokers and goths only. And then you're married and you're children require food, time, attention, doctor visits, oh and that house isn't going to clean its self! You'd be lucky to get a babysitter, just to get some alone time with your man (or woman) and when you do, you're tired or arguing about why y'all haven't had sex in a while, instead of actually having sex while y'all have the time to do so.
Conversations that once began with the sentence, "How do you want it?" Now begin with the sentence, "When do you want to?" Before you know or realize that sex has went ROGUE, it's been an entire month and you've only had sex maybe once but that time doesn't really count cause it was some finger or hand action and nobody came or maybe you did cum but were too upset, from the non-penetration to give a shit.
Then one day when you're watching Showtime movies and a sex scene pops up, you look at your man or woman and y'all realize y'all remember now whats missing in yawls relationship, marriage or partnership...The sex has been M.I.A! You both say, "DAMN" with your eyes and then quickly realize your next order of business, to get butt naked and have some Marvin Gay,"sexual healing" finally satisfying the urge of having sex, remembering the feeling of deep penetration in a cozy, wet, warm, place of pure goodness, wanting to keep yawls sex record on repeat, stopping only to smoke y'all a cigarette and take a cat nap in order to recoup for another round of good old fashioned SEX.
Friday, January 16, 2015
...Kids
First off let me just start by saying children are a blessing from God and I am so greatfull to have been blessed with four of my own. That being said, kids are weird, crazy, wonderful, sometimes defiant/ bad little "adults," who crack the hell out of me! The shit they say and do is so ridiculous...Take for instance my four, I'll start with the most recent child of mine Breaija.
Breaija or as I like to call her my baby suga mama! She likes to try and be a big girl, she'll be sitting down somewhere and will damn near break her neck trying to sit all the way up - the struggle is real in the that one because she really wants to not only sit up like she's able to do so but she will try to pull on her shirt to get out of her swing, her car seat, even her bed! She's mastered the art of yelling now too, so when she's lonely, she talks to herself (quietly at first), then she yelaks - yell talks - probably thinking to herself the whole time, "I know somebody hears me!" Then she'll wanna talk at the wrong time...I breastfeed, so while she has the boob, in her mouth, this chick will start engaging in conversation with me all to, two seconds later, get mad at me. Not because I'm not talking to her but because she is no longer getting any boob milk!
Which brings me to diaper changing time or as Breaija would lie to make it, peek-a-boo! Her little game of legs down, legs up, where she will literally get her laugh on as her dad attempts to change her butt...He'll go to unstrap the diaper - legs down, then he'll attempt to pull the diaper down to wipe her butt - legs up and that will go on for the entire three minutes it takes to change her butt, all the while she is smiling and laughing at him. Don't let her yawn because within that moment Barack Obama has just sent the troops to war and they lost. She flips out! I guess it's because of all the wind that she swallows or something and then she'll have the nerve to look at us like, "How dare you make me yawn!" Or my baby suga will fight herself and if not herself, then she'll fight her stuffed bear. little boo-boo and when we go to check on her she'll have little boo-boo in a chock hold with the covers pulled over both their heads, can you say DANGEROUS? Better yet CRAZY! But you gotta love that girl, especially when she smiles at you, looking like some little baby doll.
Next there's Alijah a.k.a fat dude, a.k.a little A.R and here lately we've been addressing him as "girly dude!" This little boy is so smart - so smart that it's funny just listening and watching him. He will mimic everything, the first time he mimicked me cursing, it blew my mind, cause it came from outta nowhere. I do this thing where I start singing the clean up song, "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," well this time I decided to say, "everybody clean the fuck up," at the end of the song and Alijah, who was only one at the time, repeated me and it started out so cute...Then out of nowhere this dude says, "bean the fuck up!" Mind you back then bean was how he said clean but when he said, "bean the fuck up," It came out all demonic and weird that I just couldn't stop laughing. All the while he was looking at me like, yay I just did something good, that made mom laugh and his dad was looking at him like no! What? Where did that come from?
The first time he used the big toilet was so funny because, this little boy would act as if the toilet was going to come alive and eat him. He was good when we sat him on it but as soon as we let go...This dude went from smiling, with security and comfort, to stop the presses, hold up - wait a minute, what happen to your hands? His eyes got so big and then he began to panic, probably thinking, "Oh my Lord, their feeding me to this thing, what do I do? How do I get off?" Next thing I know, this little boy starts trying to get up and ends up falling in! Can you say Terrified? He started screaming and looking around for help as if he was two seconds away from the end of his life. When I got him out, he was shacking, his booty was dripping wet and he had this look about that said, "Where the hell have you been mom? I almost did't make it!" From then on, whenever we'd put him on the toilet, he screamed murder, murder she wrote.
We call him fat dude cause this little n-word, can eat! I would fix him his plate and I swear you would hear a countdown in his head...3.2.1 attack! And he would. One night, I made spaghetti and then gave him a piece of bread and a cup of milk. This guy fucked up that spaghetti so tough, that when it was gone he must have licked the bowl to get all the excess sauce, swallowed that piece of bread and I honestly think that milk evaporated! That's how fast he drank it. When he was finished, he busted up in my room, spaghetti sauce all on his forehead, spaghetti noodles, with bits of meat on them, hanging off his chin, bread crumbs on his fingers, which were covered in spaghetti sauce too and a milk mustache, talking bout, "I'm done eating my food mom!" My only thought was...Well, at least I know he likes spaghetti!
He loves his sisters but he's not one to let them bully him. My five year old Jhayanna would always mess with him when they'd play, she would snatch shit from him and push him off the bed and tell him no whenever he'd go to do something. I guess he had been keeping track to all the shit she would do to him cause, one day she went to grab his blocks from him and all we heard was, "NO!" In this little baby voice, a loud knock, followed by a, "Ouch lijah, don't hit me with that - that hurt." I ran up, to see what happen and Jhayanna was holding her forehead telling me Alijah had just hit her in the head, with his block. Of course Alijah got yelled at for hitting on her because, she is a girl and boys don't hit girls, which crushed his little spirit but I told Jhayanna, that's what she gets for fucking with him...He was getting older and he was going to start returning the favor of being mean.
He is now in this girly stage of his life, where he wants to either cry about everything, say okay all the damn time, say yes for and to every damn thing or say some crap about he's not or as he would say, "I'm not!" Now, him saying yes to everything or I'm not, isn't so bad because, well...Who cares? For example, we'll say, "Alijah, do you wanna eat some boo-boo?" Just playing with him and he'll say yes mom-dad or I'm not and then look all evil or his version of evil cause, he's handsome as all get out. But that crying b.s and that okay shit, is why he's earned the name "girly dude." This girly n-word will start crying cause he has to use the bathroom, which is crazy, seeing as how he is now fully potty trained and isn't afraid of the toilet anymore. He cries cause he doesn't want to be alone or cause his dad plays with him or cause he doesn't want to ride in the stroller or cause he doesn't wanna walk or cause he'll see me making his food and isn't able to get it yet because it's hot...He just cries! And Lord forbid we say anything to him when he's in the crying mood cause then he'll be in the screaming and making weird ass faces mood or he'll hit us with an okay. But this okay is the girly-est okay you've ever heard from a boy, it lingers...For example, we'll tell him to do something like put his pajamas on and he'll move slow as hell, put his thumb in his mouth and then stare at us, like he forgot what we just told him to do, then when we repeat the direction to him, he'll say, "Ohh-kaayy!! What the hell is that? I mean, this dude sounds like the nigga from school dance...Ohh-kaayy! But you gotta love him.
Then there's Jhayanna, whose in a class all by herself and she gets there riding a short bus with two seats, the drivers seat and hers. Can you say mood disorder? This little five year, fifty year old cries at everything and she's the biggest bully, in the house, at school and outside. This girl starts her day off crying, she wakes up and it's sunny - she cries, it's raining - she cries, she's sad - she cries, she's happy - she cries, she farts - she cries, we ask her how school was today or what's wrong, hell we ask he any damn thing and wait for it....SHE CRIES!
She's the one that, to ask her a question of any kind, is like waiting on the return of Jesus, cause that's how long it'll take her to answer. One day we asked her what her problem was because, she was being so mean to everybody and for about thirty minutes she stood there making this weird ass noise, "a-a-a, because - be-be-be- cause"...When she finally answered me I promise you, I had cleaned up the entire kitchen and started dinner all for her to say, "Y'all don't treat me like an adult!" My first thought was, bitch you're not an adult! But of course you can't say that to a child, instead I said, "Because you're not an adult!" Only after laughing at her. I then said, "I'll treat you like an adult but first I need to make sure you meet the criteria...Do you have a job, that we don't know about? Can you cook or wash clothes or go to the Walmart to get the groceries for this month? No! Okay, well can you at least find your own clothes everyday, wash your butt, without me or your dad telling you to? Can you do your own hair or at least have the funds to go get it done? Can you wash the dishes, change Breaijas' diaper or brush your teeth, without someone telling you to do so? No! Well halla at me when you can okay and then we'll talk, you know what she did then? CRIED!! That girl is something else, as a matter of fact, I'm going to move on cause, in the words of my husband, "You can write a horror novel, when it comes to her"...Stay Tuned!
Moving on to Imonne (Imani), this girl can be so blank at times, sort of like a dial tone or when someone dies at the hospital and they flat line - that's what she puts us through at homework time. Other times, she can't help but be weird or make weird faces...One day I watched this girl run to the chair but before she sat down, she broke out in some robotic, stiff neck movement like she had to auto program sitting down, then when she took her seat and realized I had be watching her, she quickly said, "what?" With this big ol' smile on her face, showing nothing but gums cause she grinds her teeth so much, that she literally has to open wide, just for you to notice she actually has teeth in there.
She is so energetic too, our very own energizer bunny, that one. Actually, the next time I have some almost dead batteries, I think I'll give them to her and have her rub them together while doing her favorite activity...running! That girl can go. One day she literally woke up and ran around the house for everything, it didn't matter if she was using the bathroom - her legs would be moving while sitting down on the toilet. If she was cleaning her room - she'd run, Imonne can't even sit still long enough to watch t.v.
She's so nosy too, she has to know everything your doing before, during and after you do it, so to watch a new movie with her is so annoying cause she'll ask all those questions about the characters in there. Then if we tell her to be quite, her face drops to her toe nails and...flat line! Like we took her heart out of her chest cavity, did the heel-toe on it and then blew it up! Her feelings would be hurt for all of two seconds until, you've guessed it, she's back up bopping around.
Yeah she's a weird one too. The weekends are like a game show in her mind cause she doesn't play twenty-one questions, it's more like forty-eight. She'll have a new question every minute of the entire day...Her favorite question is, "Do we have school in the morning?" She will ask that question like Nelly, over and over again, even if their own break! It all starts on the last day of the school week, as soon as her dad picks her up, "Dad, do we have school in the morning?" As if she didn't already know that it was Friday, so the answer was no.
But over all, through all the weird craziness, those kids are all kinds of caring and compassionate. They can be bad but each one of them have qualities that couldn't be bought, just taught over time and honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. Having them is like having my own special deluxe pizza and I love everything about them.
Breaija or as I like to call her my baby suga mama! She likes to try and be a big girl, she'll be sitting down somewhere and will damn near break her neck trying to sit all the way up - the struggle is real in the that one because she really wants to not only sit up like she's able to do so but she will try to pull on her shirt to get out of her swing, her car seat, even her bed! She's mastered the art of yelling now too, so when she's lonely, she talks to herself (quietly at first), then she yelaks - yell talks - probably thinking to herself the whole time, "I know somebody hears me!" Then she'll wanna talk at the wrong time...I breastfeed, so while she has the boob, in her mouth, this chick will start engaging in conversation with me all to, two seconds later, get mad at me. Not because I'm not talking to her but because she is no longer getting any boob milk!
Which brings me to diaper changing time or as Breaija would lie to make it, peek-a-boo! Her little game of legs down, legs up, where she will literally get her laugh on as her dad attempts to change her butt...He'll go to unstrap the diaper - legs down, then he'll attempt to pull the diaper down to wipe her butt - legs up and that will go on for the entire three minutes it takes to change her butt, all the while she is smiling and laughing at him. Don't let her yawn because within that moment Barack Obama has just sent the troops to war and they lost. She flips out! I guess it's because of all the wind that she swallows or something and then she'll have the nerve to look at us like, "How dare you make me yawn!" Or my baby suga will fight herself and if not herself, then she'll fight her stuffed bear. little boo-boo and when we go to check on her she'll have little boo-boo in a chock hold with the covers pulled over both their heads, can you say DANGEROUS? Better yet CRAZY! But you gotta love that girl, especially when she smiles at you, looking like some little baby doll.
Next there's Alijah a.k.a fat dude, a.k.a little A.R and here lately we've been addressing him as "girly dude!" This little boy is so smart - so smart that it's funny just listening and watching him. He will mimic everything, the first time he mimicked me cursing, it blew my mind, cause it came from outta nowhere. I do this thing where I start singing the clean up song, "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," well this time I decided to say, "everybody clean the fuck up," at the end of the song and Alijah, who was only one at the time, repeated me and it started out so cute...Then out of nowhere this dude says, "bean the fuck up!" Mind you back then bean was how he said clean but when he said, "bean the fuck up," It came out all demonic and weird that I just couldn't stop laughing. All the while he was looking at me like, yay I just did something good, that made mom laugh and his dad was looking at him like no! What? Where did that come from?
The first time he used the big toilet was so funny because, this little boy would act as if the toilet was going to come alive and eat him. He was good when we sat him on it but as soon as we let go...This dude went from smiling, with security and comfort, to stop the presses, hold up - wait a minute, what happen to your hands? His eyes got so big and then he began to panic, probably thinking, "Oh my Lord, their feeding me to this thing, what do I do? How do I get off?" Next thing I know, this little boy starts trying to get up and ends up falling in! Can you say Terrified? He started screaming and looking around for help as if he was two seconds away from the end of his life. When I got him out, he was shacking, his booty was dripping wet and he had this look about that said, "Where the hell have you been mom? I almost did't make it!" From then on, whenever we'd put him on the toilet, he screamed murder, murder she wrote.
We call him fat dude cause this little n-word, can eat! I would fix him his plate and I swear you would hear a countdown in his head...3.2.1 attack! And he would. One night, I made spaghetti and then gave him a piece of bread and a cup of milk. This guy fucked up that spaghetti so tough, that when it was gone he must have licked the bowl to get all the excess sauce, swallowed that piece of bread and I honestly think that milk evaporated! That's how fast he drank it. When he was finished, he busted up in my room, spaghetti sauce all on his forehead, spaghetti noodles, with bits of meat on them, hanging off his chin, bread crumbs on his fingers, which were covered in spaghetti sauce too and a milk mustache, talking bout, "I'm done eating my food mom!" My only thought was...Well, at least I know he likes spaghetti!
He loves his sisters but he's not one to let them bully him. My five year old Jhayanna would always mess with him when they'd play, she would snatch shit from him and push him off the bed and tell him no whenever he'd go to do something. I guess he had been keeping track to all the shit she would do to him cause, one day she went to grab his blocks from him and all we heard was, "NO!" In this little baby voice, a loud knock, followed by a, "Ouch lijah, don't hit me with that - that hurt." I ran up, to see what happen and Jhayanna was holding her forehead telling me Alijah had just hit her in the head, with his block. Of course Alijah got yelled at for hitting on her because, she is a girl and boys don't hit girls, which crushed his little spirit but I told Jhayanna, that's what she gets for fucking with him...He was getting older and he was going to start returning the favor of being mean.
He is now in this girly stage of his life, where he wants to either cry about everything, say okay all the damn time, say yes for and to every damn thing or say some crap about he's not or as he would say, "I'm not!" Now, him saying yes to everything or I'm not, isn't so bad because, well...Who cares? For example, we'll say, "Alijah, do you wanna eat some boo-boo?" Just playing with him and he'll say yes mom-dad or I'm not and then look all evil or his version of evil cause, he's handsome as all get out. But that crying b.s and that okay shit, is why he's earned the name "girly dude." This girly n-word will start crying cause he has to use the bathroom, which is crazy, seeing as how he is now fully potty trained and isn't afraid of the toilet anymore. He cries cause he doesn't want to be alone or cause his dad plays with him or cause he doesn't want to ride in the stroller or cause he doesn't wanna walk or cause he'll see me making his food and isn't able to get it yet because it's hot...He just cries! And Lord forbid we say anything to him when he's in the crying mood cause then he'll be in the screaming and making weird ass faces mood or he'll hit us with an okay. But this okay is the girly-est okay you've ever heard from a boy, it lingers...For example, we'll tell him to do something like put his pajamas on and he'll move slow as hell, put his thumb in his mouth and then stare at us, like he forgot what we just told him to do, then when we repeat the direction to him, he'll say, "Ohh-kaayy!! What the hell is that? I mean, this dude sounds like the nigga from school dance...Ohh-kaayy! But you gotta love him.
Then there's Jhayanna, whose in a class all by herself and she gets there riding a short bus with two seats, the drivers seat and hers. Can you say mood disorder? This little five year, fifty year old cries at everything and she's the biggest bully, in the house, at school and outside. This girl starts her day off crying, she wakes up and it's sunny - she cries, it's raining - she cries, she's sad - she cries, she's happy - she cries, she farts - she cries, we ask her how school was today or what's wrong, hell we ask he any damn thing and wait for it....SHE CRIES!
Moving on to Imonne (Imani), this girl can be so blank at times, sort of like a dial tone or when someone dies at the hospital and they flat line - that's what she puts us through at homework time. Other times, she can't help but be weird or make weird faces...One day I watched this girl run to the chair but before she sat down, she broke out in some robotic, stiff neck movement like she had to auto program sitting down, then when she took her seat and realized I had be watching her, she quickly said, "what?" With this big ol' smile on her face, showing nothing but gums cause she grinds her teeth so much, that she literally has to open wide, just for you to notice she actually has teeth in there.
She is so energetic too, our very own energizer bunny, that one. Actually, the next time I have some almost dead batteries, I think I'll give them to her and have her rub them together while doing her favorite activity...running! That girl can go. One day she literally woke up and ran around the house for everything, it didn't matter if she was using the bathroom - her legs would be moving while sitting down on the toilet. If she was cleaning her room - she'd run, Imonne can't even sit still long enough to watch t.v.
She's so nosy too, she has to know everything your doing before, during and after you do it, so to watch a new movie with her is so annoying cause she'll ask all those questions about the characters in there. Then if we tell her to be quite, her face drops to her toe nails and...flat line! Like we took her heart out of her chest cavity, did the heel-toe on it and then blew it up! Her feelings would be hurt for all of two seconds until, you've guessed it, she's back up bopping around.
Yeah she's a weird one too. The weekends are like a game show in her mind cause she doesn't play twenty-one questions, it's more like forty-eight. She'll have a new question every minute of the entire day...Her favorite question is, "Do we have school in the morning?" She will ask that question like Nelly, over and over again, even if their own break! It all starts on the last day of the school week, as soon as her dad picks her up, "Dad, do we have school in the morning?" As if she didn't already know that it was Friday, so the answer was no.
But over all, through all the weird craziness, those kids are all kinds of caring and compassionate. They can be bad but each one of them have qualities that couldn't be bought, just taught over time and honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. Having them is like having my own special deluxe pizza and I love everything about them. Monday, January 12, 2015
Untitled Love Story
Its dark but not so dark that I can not see light of day but dark enough to make me drift into a deep sleep.
It's warm but not so warm that I will sweat from a sea of heat but enough to make me comfortable and safe.
I'm alone but not so alone that I am lonely but enough to allow me time to think.
I've cried in silence but somehow I know I've been heard.
My head is full but I'm not sure of what yet, It might be knowledge but if so, why do I feel as ignorant as the moon?
My eyes are wide open but some how slammed shut with a feeling of being sewed closed in the mist of me still trying to see.
My ears pick up the sound of a stranger but he is indistant of me although it sounds as though he maybe getting closer.
I'm yelling in a room that should echo but instead there is no sound.
My arms are running steal as though movement has escaped me, while my legs are as rapid as ever but haven't made it to their destination.
My bones have gone numb but still solid enough to be hard as rocks, though tough as armor.
I've swam deep, long and far in my blood and yet somehow I don't believe I'm in my own body anymore, I feel as though I've traveled to your and am now sinking in your heart.
I'm drowning in a tube now, full of shallow trust.
I'm paralyzed from all the the love I get from you, It's almost as if that was your plan all along.
Our eyes melted with so much passion at our first introduction, that we would have done anything for one another or I for you.
That place called misery, I've met you there on so many timeless occasions though we've not occupied this space for a while since.
Longing for you to notice my vulnerable, sensitive side and let loose with me.
Needing you to dive in with both feet and maybe two arms already.
Please! Close thyn eyes and see what you've done to me.
Close thyn mouth and utter the words - adore.
I'm standing here floating, watching you lie on your knees, bleeding the truth from your chest to which I had to stab you to obtain.
Feel me with your senses and I'll let your words taste me in truth.
Then we'll dance on a vanished stage together, see life together finally with four eyes open.
Live together as if we're our very own Bonnie and Romeo.
Lets sink together in this river of darkness we've created letting stars be our light as we take pictures of our prayers of a longevity life together as one.
It's warm but not so warm that I will sweat from a sea of heat but enough to make me comfortable and safe.
I'm alone but not so alone that I am lonely but enough to allow me time to think.
I've cried in silence but somehow I know I've been heard.
My head is full but I'm not sure of what yet, It might be knowledge but if so, why do I feel as ignorant as the moon?
My eyes are wide open but some how slammed shut with a feeling of being sewed closed in the mist of me still trying to see.
My ears pick up the sound of a stranger but he is indistant of me although it sounds as though he maybe getting closer.
I'm yelling in a room that should echo but instead there is no sound.
My arms are running steal as though movement has escaped me, while my legs are as rapid as ever but haven't made it to their destination.
My bones have gone numb but still solid enough to be hard as rocks, though tough as armor.
I've swam deep, long and far in my blood and yet somehow I don't believe I'm in my own body anymore, I feel as though I've traveled to your and am now sinking in your heart.
I'm drowning in a tube now, full of shallow trust.
I'm paralyzed from all the the love I get from you, It's almost as if that was your plan all along.
Our eyes melted with so much passion at our first introduction, that we would have done anything for one another or I for you.
That place called misery, I've met you there on so many timeless occasions though we've not occupied this space for a while since.
Longing for you to notice my vulnerable, sensitive side and let loose with me.
Needing you to dive in with both feet and maybe two arms already.
Please! Close thyn eyes and see what you've done to me.
Close thyn mouth and utter the words - adore.
I'm standing here floating, watching you lie on your knees, bleeding the truth from your chest to which I had to stab you to obtain.
Feel me with your senses and I'll let your words taste me in truth.
Then we'll dance on a vanished stage together, see life together finally with four eyes open.
Live together as if we're our very own Bonnie and Romeo.
Lets sink together in this river of darkness we've created letting stars be our light as we take pictures of our prayers of a longevity life together as one.
Childhood Before Time
Micheal Jackson said it best, do you remember the time? It starts with being born into this small, innocent, somewhat foreign little creature, that no-one can keep their hands off of. Then somewhere between the ages thirteen and sixteen, it happens, we as children start yearning to become an adult. Why? For the ability to do what we want! Say what we want! Have what we want and for some...To be on our own! What's not explained, rather what goes unheard to those who really want this ability, is that becoming an adult is not without strings attached! You'll have to get a job - work for the right to do, say, have, and be on your own. Okay, I'll be the first to say it, that part is the strings, it's also the hard part and among other things it's the part that SUCKS because, after you get the job, which you'll have to bust your ass to get! You're tired - to tired to do all that shit you wanted to do once you got to this stage in your life. If you add your own child or children into the equation, you'll be between the ages thirty-five and forty-five before you get a chance to really be an adult, with all the perks! Of course this part isn't intended for those of you without children! So lets, for a moment, go back - back to the days where you had nap time and the only job you had was those dumb ass chores, homework and to go outside to play. Everyone has heard their guardian, of some sort, say this, "Go outside and don;t come back until the street lights come on." On a school night, that was our time to catch up and recap the school day we had just endured with our friends over a game of curb ball, double dutch, tag/ hide and seek or hand games...Y'all remember this train goes, Miss Marry Mack, and shame shame shame! In the summer though, "don't come back til the street lights come on,"was code for...It's about to go down! We woke up at the butt crack, to get the day started. Broke out the bikes, the swim suits, water guns or balloons and you made sure you called all your friends to meet up with you at "the spot" (the play ground), only after asking somebody for some money to be able to attack the store or the ice cream truck when it jiggled down the block! The outside was our club/bar scene back then and even when those street lights cut on, as long as you were home on time, we had porch nights! listening to the radio, talking to your cousins, siblings or whoever was over your house. Riffin' on one another, trying to rap/sing and being just a little too loud, so you could let your mom, dad, whoever, know just how much fun you were having outside while trying to cuss on the low, over some, little kid - childish b.s hoping no one inside heard you and no one outside got mad enough to yell, "AWE!" triggering a reaction from the parents that would make everyone have to come in. Yeah summer was the time to let your hair down or put your weave in and take trips to...WYANDOTTELAKE! Y'all remember the wave pool and cunnoci creek! Getting pissed cause there were times you thought you were going, only to find out you'll have to wait til next year. Which brings me back to the now, when you've finally got what you want, your an adult but you pretty much have to schedule time to kick it with your friends and family. Looking at your kids enjoy their "street light" days and "porch night" nights, listening to them have conversations with their friends about being grown cause mom and dad is getting on their nerves, never letting them do things they want to do. Complaining about them having to clean their room, do homework and the entire time your watching them you're laughing on the inside, while thinking, "I remember that." Sitting them down trying to explain to them the joy of being a child, asking them to stay in a child's place, just as your -parents did to you and then you, for a split second stop and say to yourself, "where did the time go?" The truth is we rushed our time, longing for something that would happen eventually, hoping to get to the place your at right now and for what? Oh yeah I remember...That wonderful capability to do and say what you want while having your own without having to ask for any ones permission but your own and that makes being an adult worth it!
Final Words To Dontae
I guess it's time to lay you to rest, just put it to bed
I guess you wound up creating your own pool huh?
To which you continuously poured your sorrows into
With so many cries out, you would've had to shed many tears huh dude!
I guess you ended up taking a dive in it huh?
To which all the luggage you were carrying finally out weighed you dude
I guess we didn't realize how much you were suffering
Or how it over powered you dude
I guess the question you had on your mind was...where did we go?
The family you had just vanished on you dude
I guess it's pointless now, to wonder about the what ifs huh?
I guess if you had done that you wouldn't be missed!
I guess just caring for you now has made us all a bit crazy, to say the least
The sad thing is that, had we'd known what you'd eventually do...
I don't think the outcome for many of us would be any different dude!
I guess it's just like Wayne said, " whats misunderstood doesn't have to be explained."
This family has been beaten down cous'
I guess you noticed that huh?
It's sad for you to have come to this realization cous'
I guess you couldn't face it or maybe just couldn't handle it anymore
It's sad to not have a chance to see you dude
To talk to you!
To listen to you!
You were always missed by many and continuously loved by most cous'
I guess you got tired of waiting for our mimes to actually speak and say the words to you huh?
Yeah that happens sometimes
So I guess I don't really blame you dude
It's sad to not have had super powers to have heard you cous'
I wish there had been more time to tell you face to face what you needed to hear
We all love you Tae and we wish you were here!
I guess it's really time for us to lay you to rest now, just put you to bed...
What's done is done and all that needed to be said, has been said!
I guess you wound up creating your own pool huh?
To which you continuously poured your sorrows into
With so many cries out, you would've had to shed many tears huh dude!
I guess you ended up taking a dive in it huh?
To which all the luggage you were carrying finally out weighed you dude
I guess we didn't realize how much you were suffering
Or how it over powered you dude
I guess the question you had on your mind was...where did we go?
The family you had just vanished on you dude
I guess it's pointless now, to wonder about the what ifs huh?
I guess if you had done that you wouldn't be missed!
I guess just caring for you now has made us all a bit crazy, to say the least
The sad thing is that, had we'd known what you'd eventually do...
I don't think the outcome for many of us would be any different dude!
I guess it's just like Wayne said, " whats misunderstood doesn't have to be explained."
This family has been beaten down cous'
I guess you noticed that huh?
It's sad for you to have come to this realization cous'
I guess you couldn't face it or maybe just couldn't handle it anymore
It's sad to not have a chance to see you dude
To talk to you!
To listen to you!
You were always missed by many and continuously loved by most cous'
I guess you got tired of waiting for our mimes to actually speak and say the words to you huh?
Yeah that happens sometimes
So I guess I don't really blame you dude
It's sad to not have had super powers to have heard you cous'
I wish there had been more time to tell you face to face what you needed to hear
We all love you Tae and we wish you were here!
I guess it's really time for us to lay you to rest now, just put you to bed...
What's done is done and all that needed to be said, has been said!
Friday, January 9, 2015
They Live As They Come
They come while your waiting to dream and bound you in their arms in hopes of protecting you through the night
They live to slither around you as you lye dormant through the night
They come to relieve pain, stress and panic throughout your day
They live to toast your fears as they trickle down your face
They come to guard your spiritual being while you rest your physical body
They live to party while you suffer from mental, spiritual and physical pain
They come to extend a chalice to those whose cup has run over
They live to keep shackles on the ones who've stepped into the bad side
They come to dance on the sun to protect the heavenly gates
Their decrepit bodies live to dance, with excitement, at the death of our departed loved ones
They come while you morn to place a gentile kiss on your cheek and a quite whisper in your ear
They live for the serenade of your sorrowful screams
They come to place halos on the ones who've lived a life of fellowship
They live in anticipation in hopes of feeding off your inevitable demise
They will come to complete the destruction of you when they think you are beaten and broken down, the demons will always come for you!
They will always live to uplift and create a better you when you feel as though all is lost and you can't go on, the angels will always live for you!
They live to slither around you as you lye dormant through the night
They come to relieve pain, stress and panic throughout your day
They live to toast your fears as they trickle down your face
They come to guard your spiritual being while you rest your physical body
They live to party while you suffer from mental, spiritual and physical pain
They come to extend a chalice to those whose cup has run over
They live to keep shackles on the ones who've stepped into the bad side
They come to dance on the sun to protect the heavenly gates
Their decrepit bodies live to dance, with excitement, at the death of our departed loved ones
They come while you morn to place a gentile kiss on your cheek and a quite whisper in your ear
They live for the serenade of your sorrowful screams
They come to place halos on the ones who've lived a life of fellowship
They live in anticipation in hopes of feeding off your inevitable demise
They will come to complete the destruction of you when they think you are beaten and broken down, the demons will always come for you!
They will always live to uplift and create a better you when you feel as though all is lost and you can't go on, the angels will always live for you!
She Is...
She Is...
Ambitious, artistic, annoying but only towards loved ones and apologetic, when necessary.
Bipolar on occasion! Brave, when she has to be, beautiful, bold, bossy and black.
Emotional, when she cares for you, empathetic towards everyone, enthusiastic, energetic, when motivated and easy-going when she is relaxed.
Happy, honorable, honest, hot-headed, for good reason and can be a hard-ass, if for no other reason but to make you tough!
Interesting, imaginative, intelligent and quit intuitive.
Kind-hearted and has a kindred spirit to her friends.
Naughty, when it matters, neat and nurturing to her family.
Outstanding, always observant and sometimes old-school.
Radiant, in the eyes of her husband, respectful of others, responsible, real, rugite and a bit reluctant at times.
Seductive, when the mood is right! Sweet, sympathetic to peoples problems, sincere, spiritual, soulful and very strong.
Trustworthy, talented, thoughtful and talkative, more so when she gets intoxicated!
Youthful through it all because while she maybe; Annoying, Bipolar, Emotional, Hot-headed, Kind-hearted, Naughty, Observant, Real, Strong, Talkative and have and old soul...These are only words, they don't define her! She is just a person, with a big heart, in a young body, who knows exactly where she is going and acts her age while still never loosing sight of who?
Ambitious, artistic, annoying but only towards loved ones and apologetic, when necessary.
Bipolar on occasion! Brave, when she has to be, beautiful, bold, bossy and black.
Emotional, when she cares for you, empathetic towards everyone, enthusiastic, energetic, when motivated and easy-going when she is relaxed.
Happy, honorable, honest, hot-headed, for good reason and can be a hard-ass, if for no other reason but to make you tough!
Interesting, imaginative, intelligent and quit intuitive.
Kind-hearted and has a kindred spirit to her friends.
Naughty, when it matters, neat and nurturing to her family.
Outstanding, always observant and sometimes old-school.
Radiant, in the eyes of her husband, respectful of others, responsible, real, rugite and a bit reluctant at times.
Seductive, when the mood is right! Sweet, sympathetic to peoples problems, sincere, spiritual, soulful and very strong.
Trustworthy, talented, thoughtful and talkative, more so when she gets intoxicated!
Youthful through it all because while she maybe; Annoying, Bipolar, Emotional, Hot-headed, Kind-hearted, Naughty, Observant, Real, Strong, Talkative and have and old soul...These are only words, they don't define her! She is just a person, with a big heart, in a young body, who knows exactly where she is going and acts her age while still never loosing sight of who?
SHE IS...
Brittany - Shontae - Brooks
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
See No...Hear No...Speak ? Part III
Oh yeah there had to be ah part three...I wouldn't dare forget about my young women out there! Why in the hell are so many of you in ah rush to grow up? Do y'all not see yawls older sisters', cousins, aunties, even MOTHERS? Come the fuck on! Now ah days y'all have been out here doing way to much at such ah young age and I so badly want to yell at yawls mothers but the fact is when you became old enough to talk smart, curse, drink, smoke and have SEX!! You became old enough to get your ass beat, get kicked out, and take responsibility for your faults...Which means, once you have ah child, YOU are no longer one your self! I'mma repeat that for those of you who would like to forget that I just said it....ONCE YOU HAVE AH CHILD, UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER ONE YOUR SELF!
I'm am so tired of shows such as, TEEN MOM and so called role models like, NICKI MINAJ UGH REALLY! Come on people, first off there's obviously something in the water any way, that's allowing these young girls to have such big breast and gluts, that now there are eleven year old's out her looking all of sixteen and these sixteen year old's are looking all of twenty-one, it ridiculous! What's worse is that most of you adults are okay with letting these KIDS get by on the shit y'all can control; Clothing (what they wear), music (what they listen to) and television (what they're watching). I actually have ah question for all of you...Do/did any of you have ah grandmother, na'na, big momma, hell even ah madea? What about ah mom! That statement is given to the young mothers out here.
I asked that question because I really wanna know if any of you were raised the way your children are being raised now? Okay, I'll ask that same question again but in ah different way, for those of you who didn't catch it!...When y'all were growing up, were y'all able to do most of the shit yawls children, sisters, cousins or nieces are doing now? My guess is that more than seventy percent of y'all were not! So my follow up question is, why not teach your children the right way of making mistakes if they must make them? Basically, what I am saying to y'all it this...Look at your selves clearly and not through ah fogged glass, did the way yawls parents raised y'all really fuck y'all up so bad? If the answer is NO, then why not take some of what yawls parents taught y'all and teach it to your children! Do they not deserve that? What kills me is that most of you are walking around trying to get people to feel sympathy for y'all because yawls children are horrible, possible TEEN MINAJ MOMS, using drugs and telling y'all to go fuck your selves because they know y'all won't do shit to them...So what do y'all do? Drink, snort, smoke or throw yawls hands up by just not paying attention to them! Now before I get so pissed that I begin to ramble on, let me just leave you readers with this...
Realize that we (WOMEN) are what keeps the cycle of the world repeating. It is our job to; raise, nurture, teach and reproduce the children of this world, so when we fall short on our job as WOMEN, we're not just falling short on that job but that of which makes us MOTHERS in the first place and when that happens, we fuck up the process at the starting gate, which basically means we're not giving our children any hope of making it to the finish line. So my biggest question in this entire post is, How can we expect our young men and women, especially the African American ones, to grow up and progress if we can't provide them with the most basic needs to guide them along the way? #MILEY CYRUS!
I'm am so tired of shows such as, TEEN MOM and so called role models like, NICKI MINAJ UGH REALLY! Come on people, first off there's obviously something in the water any way, that's allowing these young girls to have such big breast and gluts, that now there are eleven year old's out her looking all of sixteen and these sixteen year old's are looking all of twenty-one, it ridiculous! What's worse is that most of you adults are okay with letting these KIDS get by on the shit y'all can control; Clothing (what they wear), music (what they listen to) and television (what they're watching). I actually have ah question for all of you...Do/did any of you have ah grandmother, na'na, big momma, hell even ah madea? What about ah mom! That statement is given to the young mothers out here.
I asked that question because I really wanna know if any of you were raised the way your children are being raised now? Okay, I'll ask that same question again but in ah different way, for those of you who didn't catch it!...When y'all were growing up, were y'all able to do most of the shit yawls children, sisters, cousins or nieces are doing now? My guess is that more than seventy percent of y'all were not! So my follow up question is, why not teach your children the right way of making mistakes if they must make them? Basically, what I am saying to y'all it this...Look at your selves clearly and not through ah fogged glass, did the way yawls parents raised y'all really fuck y'all up so bad? If the answer is NO, then why not take some of what yawls parents taught y'all and teach it to your children! Do they not deserve that? What kills me is that most of you are walking around trying to get people to feel sympathy for y'all because yawls children are horrible, possible TEEN MINAJ MOMS, using drugs and telling y'all to go fuck your selves because they know y'all won't do shit to them...So what do y'all do? Drink, snort, smoke or throw yawls hands up by just not paying attention to them! Now before I get so pissed that I begin to ramble on, let me just leave you readers with this...
Realize that we (WOMEN) are what keeps the cycle of the world repeating. It is our job to; raise, nurture, teach and reproduce the children of this world, so when we fall short on our job as WOMEN, we're not just falling short on that job but that of which makes us MOTHERS in the first place and when that happens, we fuck up the process at the starting gate, which basically means we're not giving our children any hope of making it to the finish line. So my biggest question in this entire post is, How can we expect our young men and women, especially the African American ones, to grow up and progress if we can't provide them with the most basic needs to guide them along the way? #MILEY CYRUS!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
See No...Hear No...Speak ? Part II
I wonder how many of you are really enraged about what happen to Treyvon Martin! The shit is crazy and yeah / so the fuck what, so many of you have reposted pictures of him and made comments about the issue. I wonder how many of you have children? Actually how many of you have young boys? Do y'all not realize that those young boys will grow into young men that will eventually become grown ass men (if they make it that far!) Now how many of you don't have children but have young male cousins, nephews' or brothers? Take ah moment and just picture Treyvon as your child, your brother, you cousin or your nephew...
Picture him leaving to go chill with his girlfriend; maybe they got high, watched some t.v and then got it in (lol that's usually how young people kick it). Now he's ready to go home, so he probably kisses his girl good night, walks home and in the middle of that walk he has ah high moment and gets hungry...stops at ah store grabs something to quick to munch on and something to wash it down, then continues his walk. He's probable high, alone and ah little lost so he calls his girl just to see if she's up and realizes he's being followed panics, puts his snacks inside his hoodie and takes off running...From there if any of you followed the story, y'all know what happened!
My thing is this, who the fuck cares what he was doing before he got shot down! I would like to know why he got shot down in the first place! I mean I actually want the truth (Its never going to happen) but that's what I want because George Zimmerman or anyone else for that matter, could never tell me that he believed Treyvon was ah threat, Nor could anyone including Zimmerman say, "well he came after me and I had to defend myself"...That boy was not armed, unless skittles and watermelon flavored Arizona juice are weapons, I mean really! come the fuck on. Then for the police to have told Zimmerman during the 911 call, not to chase after him and he did it anyway, He should have been locked up just for that off rip! Not to mention, during that call Zimmerman may have (which I believe after listening to it myself, that he did) said ah racial remark about Treyvon and on ah second call to 911 you hear someone (Treyvon) yelling out for help ah good four to five times then right after the last time you hear ah gun shot...You tell me NO BULLSHIT! what I'm suppose to think?
Think people...If Zimmerman has ah weapon on him, why in the hell would it be him calling out for help? Wouldn't it make more sense for the person yelling to have been Treyvon? So I ask you two things...One, why in the hell is Zimmerman not in jail for murder? Two, what would you do if this was your cousin, nephew, brother or SON? I capitalized the word son because although my son is only one years old, he is still going to grow up and become ah man someday and what if Treyvon was my Alijah?
My point is this, NO I don't intend for every African American in the world to stop their lives because one little boy lost his life. But DO SOMETHING MORE THAN AH POST OF AH PICTURE, THE TYPE OF AH STATEMENT, GIVING AN APOLOGY OR TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK ( WHICH IS BASICALLY AH FUCK YOU BTW!!) Because the reality of the situation is, although your world didn't stop, Treyvons' did...His family's did and most importantly his MOTHER'S DID! An African American Women who lost her son due to ah racial ( I don't care who wants to believe that it wasn't racial because it was) problem that still exists in the world today and we as African Americans especially us who have children have to become more aware as well as knowledgeable of the issues around us in order to educate our African American children especially the MEN! Because we are loosing more and more of them every day. In fact I live on the north side of town, right across the street from an elementary school and ah young man (SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!) got shot and killed right in the front of my house...I have three babies who were outside that day but through the grace of God and the fact that my husband brought them into the house to play while he exercised just five minutes before the shooting began! What if he didn't come in to exercise that day? What if he took them him just one second to late? Just what if? There wouldn't have been ah damn thing I would have been able to do if either my children or my husband would have gotten hit by just one of those bullets, all because If we're not out here killing each other (BLACK ON BLACK) we're getting killed (WHITE ON BLACK) and the most fucked up part is that, most of you dummies think the shit's okay! WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE, when will y'all realize that it's been about that time to SEE, HEAR & SPEAK and no one has gotten up yet!
I'm so over it at this point and I'm not quite sure of how or where to start but someone has to do something to raise awareness and get more people to understand that this has to stop in order for there to ever be PROGRESS.
Picture him leaving to go chill with his girlfriend; maybe they got high, watched some t.v and then got it in (lol that's usually how young people kick it). Now he's ready to go home, so he probably kisses his girl good night, walks home and in the middle of that walk he has ah high moment and gets hungry...stops at ah store grabs something to quick to munch on and something to wash it down, then continues his walk. He's probable high, alone and ah little lost so he calls his girl just to see if she's up and realizes he's being followed panics, puts his snacks inside his hoodie and takes off running...From there if any of you followed the story, y'all know what happened!
My thing is this, who the fuck cares what he was doing before he got shot down! I would like to know why he got shot down in the first place! I mean I actually want the truth (Its never going to happen) but that's what I want because George Zimmerman or anyone else for that matter, could never tell me that he believed Treyvon was ah threat, Nor could anyone including Zimmerman say, "well he came after me and I had to defend myself"...That boy was not armed, unless skittles and watermelon flavored Arizona juice are weapons, I mean really! come the fuck on. Then for the police to have told Zimmerman during the 911 call, not to chase after him and he did it anyway, He should have been locked up just for that off rip! Not to mention, during that call Zimmerman may have (which I believe after listening to it myself, that he did) said ah racial remark about Treyvon and on ah second call to 911 you hear someone (Treyvon) yelling out for help ah good four to five times then right after the last time you hear ah gun shot...You tell me NO BULLSHIT! what I'm suppose to think?
Think people...If Zimmerman has ah weapon on him, why in the hell would it be him calling out for help? Wouldn't it make more sense for the person yelling to have been Treyvon? So I ask you two things...One, why in the hell is Zimmerman not in jail for murder? Two, what would you do if this was your cousin, nephew, brother or SON? I capitalized the word son because although my son is only one years old, he is still going to grow up and become ah man someday and what if Treyvon was my Alijah?
My point is this, NO I don't intend for every African American in the world to stop their lives because one little boy lost his life. But DO SOMETHING MORE THAN AH POST OF AH PICTURE, THE TYPE OF AH STATEMENT, GIVING AN APOLOGY OR TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK ( WHICH IS BASICALLY AH FUCK YOU BTW!!) Because the reality of the situation is, although your world didn't stop, Treyvons' did...His family's did and most importantly his MOTHER'S DID! An African American Women who lost her son due to ah racial ( I don't care who wants to believe that it wasn't racial because it was) problem that still exists in the world today and we as African Americans especially us who have children have to become more aware as well as knowledgeable of the issues around us in order to educate our African American children especially the MEN! Because we are loosing more and more of them every day. In fact I live on the north side of town, right across the street from an elementary school and ah young man (SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!) got shot and killed right in the front of my house...I have three babies who were outside that day but through the grace of God and the fact that my husband brought them into the house to play while he exercised just five minutes before the shooting began! What if he didn't come in to exercise that day? What if he took them him just one second to late? Just what if? There wouldn't have been ah damn thing I would have been able to do if either my children or my husband would have gotten hit by just one of those bullets, all because If we're not out here killing each other (BLACK ON BLACK) we're getting killed (WHITE ON BLACK) and the most fucked up part is that, most of you dummies think the shit's okay! WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE, when will y'all realize that it's been about that time to SEE, HEAR & SPEAK and no one has gotten up yet!
I'm so over it at this point and I'm not quite sure of how or where to start but someone has to do something to raise awareness and get more people to understand that this has to stop in order for there to ever be PROGRESS.
Friday, August 23, 2013
See No...Hear No...Speak ? Part I
So many things come to mind when I think of the phrase "Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil"...
Lately that's all most people in the world are doing right now, I only say that because I wanna know what has to happen before any one person will actually speak out or do something...anything about the issues instead of focusing on useless trinkets that non of us can take with us when the Lord calls us home and for those who don't believe in ah higher power...what I'm saying is that at some point we all will die and on that day, how many of you actually believe that those pair of shoes, that money, that flat screen television, the jewelry or anything else of non-importance in this life can be taken to the next?
So my follow up question is, why in the hell are we out here stealing, killing, lying and cheating for this shit instead of helping out one another? I bet none of you readers have an answer right! Honestly even though in this moment, yes I'm running my mouth asking questions and trying to tell everyone how I believe things are, I can't even answer ah damn thing myself but unlike some of you - I sit at home and get angered about the shit going on in the world we live in because NO ONE is doing ah damn thing to speak out against anything and it's sad.
Actually, sad is the wrong word because things stop being sad in my eyes when someone I know told me about something she seen happen to some kid. Now this was ah while back but even still I think it's ah damn shame about what happen so...I'm gone tell y'all what I know, just to see what some of you have to say about it. She began to vent about the kids today or shall I say, she began to share the so-called "drama" kids have going on today like this...
I wonder did any of you know about the African American lady who died during her 911 call? She was on the phone with an operator letting them know everything that was happening to her, as it was happening! Yeah, that's what I said...She was screaming for the guy not to break into her home and NOTHING...She was screaming for him not to kill her and NOTHING...She said his real (government) name as well as his nick (street) name and NOTHING...The guy was even heard saying, "Bitch I'm gon kill you - I'm gon kill you and NOTHING! Do you know what the outcome was? That lady stayed on the phone for eleven minutes and died before anybody got to her. She was between twenty-five or twenty-six years old with ah little girl about one years old to look after, who thankfully wasn't there at the time but nonetheless, she still had her whole life to look forward to as well as watching her daughter grow up and the police who knew it was an emergency, took there sweet precious time, stopping for doughnuts along the way, to get to her and when they finally did they didn't check the house because of ah small ass ankle bitting dog scaring them while trying to check the back door. Her mom and older sister were the ones who found her dead in her own bath tub! WTF people, now we can't even call 911 which brings me to this...
Lately that's all most people in the world are doing right now, I only say that because I wanna know what has to happen before any one person will actually speak out or do something...anything about the issues instead of focusing on useless trinkets that non of us can take with us when the Lord calls us home and for those who don't believe in ah higher power...what I'm saying is that at some point we all will die and on that day, how many of you actually believe that those pair of shoes, that money, that flat screen television, the jewelry or anything else of non-importance in this life can be taken to the next?
So my follow up question is, why in the hell are we out here stealing, killing, lying and cheating for this shit instead of helping out one another? I bet none of you readers have an answer right! Honestly even though in this moment, yes I'm running my mouth asking questions and trying to tell everyone how I believe things are, I can't even answer ah damn thing myself but unlike some of you - I sit at home and get angered about the shit going on in the world we live in because NO ONE is doing ah damn thing to speak out against anything and it's sad.
Actually, sad is the wrong word because things stop being sad in my eyes when someone I know told me about something she seen happen to some kid. Now this was ah while back but even still I think it's ah damn shame about what happen so...I'm gone tell y'all what I know, just to see what some of you have to say about it. She began to vent about the kids today or shall I say, she began to share the so-called "drama" kids have going on today like this...
"Yeah I have to get my shit together and move from around here cause these kids are so damn bad it's ridiculous, I had just left your house and was walking down Hudson when I seen these two groups of kids that look like they had just got outta school. Both groups was yelling at each other, I guess one of the little girls was trying to fight another little girl from the other group...so any way, the one girl starting screaming BITCH this and BITCH that to the other girl while chasing her down the street, well when she finally got close enough to her they're in the middle of the street fighting and the one girl doing all the yelling is giving it to the other girl so bad that they're actually slowing down traffic and I look over and I see the girl stomping the other girl in the head like she was trying to kill her or something and I JUST KEPT ON WALKING cause I wasn't trying to get into that mess, I guess now ah days people just wanna kill each other and if that's what they wanna do, that's fine I just wanna get way from around it!"
My response was,"Well what in the hell did the other people do? the people driving by that obviously drove slow in order to watch the fight, what did they do? did any body call the police or try to stop the fight at all? I'mma go ahead and let y'all answer to those questions, because many of you probably already know that NO ONE did ah damn thing about anything. But I guess that's how society is today right! We're always seeing things, hearing things or saying things and NEVER doing one thing to help. That's not sad, it pitiful because how many of us able body people can get on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Instagram, or Youtube and post stupid, pointless, useless shit about every and anything possible but how many of those same able body people are posting shit of importance? I mean how many people are actually paying attention to any of the awful things going on in the world now?I wonder did any of you know about the African American lady who died during her 911 call? She was on the phone with an operator letting them know everything that was happening to her, as it was happening! Yeah, that's what I said...She was screaming for the guy not to break into her home and NOTHING...She was screaming for him not to kill her and NOTHING...She said his real (government) name as well as his nick (street) name and NOTHING...The guy was even heard saying, "Bitch I'm gon kill you - I'm gon kill you and NOTHING! Do you know what the outcome was? That lady stayed on the phone for eleven minutes and died before anybody got to her. She was between twenty-five or twenty-six years old with ah little girl about one years old to look after, who thankfully wasn't there at the time but nonetheless, she still had her whole life to look forward to as well as watching her daughter grow up and the police who knew it was an emergency, took there sweet precious time, stopping for doughnuts along the way, to get to her and when they finally did they didn't check the house because of ah small ass ankle bitting dog scaring them while trying to check the back door. Her mom and older sister were the ones who found her dead in her own bath tub! WTF people, now we can't even call 911 which brings me to this...
Friday, February 15, 2013
Full of Shititis
Ah while back I wrote this; "First I was sick of being sick, then I was tired being tired, now I'm sick and tired with a headache on top! shaking my head when will someone make ah cure for FULL OF SHITITIS? someone please hit me up when they do, I'm good for it!" on my Facebook page well people I found it, the book entitled "The Cure" written by one of my favorite authors today, Brittany Anthony. So I began to read this book on the cure for full of shititis and it read...
" don't continue to feed the people with the disease bullshit, it will only indulge their craving thus allow them to remain hindered in their illness and you will forever be entitled to enable the person with such disease. Instead feed them full of knowledge, this will leave them not only speechless but also absent minded to the fact that they are sick. Absent minded because they will be so focused on the fact that you've just proven them to be tediously dull to the point that they're now grasping at ah chance to be different, forgetting that they have been full of shit their entire life."
Now, to those of you dealing with this type of person in your lives right now, don't be mad at them for being this way...it's ah disease! be mad at you for not taking the time to educate yourself on such ah powerful yet easy to cure disease in the first place! I believe that we have ah choice about everyone who enter's into our lives and that choice is weather or not they stay in it long enough to obtain ah good relationship with us or not. But it is the people suffering from shititis that makes our choice harder than it needs to be, I feel like some of the people who enter into my life should come with an expiration date just like food, and on that expired date I can take them out of my life as you would ah stale bag of chips because really, what do you need with ah stale bag of chips in your life? At least with day old bread you can make it into great things such as; french toast or croutons for ah nice salad or something, but what can you do with old chips? Nothing! Then you have days in your life were you would enjoy the company of others for ah long period or time, much like can goods, which still have some form of an expiration date...and when that person is no longer enjoyable, you can get rid of them like you would that old can good. The point is, you should know that you always have ah choice to have full of shititis people in or out of your life and if your not aware of that...then hey, guess what? You've just learned something new today!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
CHRIHANNA
Chris Brown & Rihanna... Yes guys, I'm bringing it up! Let me first start off by saying, "I do not have ah problem nor do I hate either Chris or Rihanna, I do how ever feel entitled to my own opinion on the matter and I've decided to voice that opinion today - That is why you read my blog anyway right? Now, I have been ah Chris Brown fan since the very first time I heard; Ya Man Ain't me, Young Love and Winner, just to name ah few. So I will remain that way, that's what true fans do... I have also been ah slight Rihanna fan for songs like; Pon da Replay and SOS, so please don't think of me as one of those people who are totally for or against either of the two...
Now that, that's out of the way, I wanna be honest with you about them being together. In typical fan mode I was against Chris Brown being with her in the first place solely because, like any other fan of his back in high school when he first came out, In my mind I was gone meet him and we were going to date...and to those of you reading this right now, DON'T JUDGE ME! I mean I was even mad about him dying in the first movie he was ever put in, it went that hard for me!
Any who getting back to the subject, the further the relationship went the more it just started to sound suspect - I mean we never really saw there relationship up close and the pictures of them being spotted together didn't suggest anything wrong but the rumors as well as the music did. There were even rumors about Rihanna and Jay-Z having some type of relationship/affair with one another and the music she made, made me think she was, in ah word, "Crazy." Then You'd see/hear about Chris Brown and he just had that innocent good boy quality about him and his music just verified the thoughts, I mean the worst thing about his music was the fact that as he grew he did what most men do, which was sing songs about getting it in! And really what's the harm in that?...In my opinion the harm came when their lives began to change in the public eye, basically as they became more famous, they seemed to become more blinded at the fact that not just there careers should have grown, but they should have grown as well, and why not? I mean when someone at age eighteen is making music such as "Take you down," we could only hope that the person is on their way to maturity and the same could be said for Rihanna as well, I mean anyone putting music out such as "Unfaithful," and " Disturbia," should not only find their way to maturity but to ah mental clinic as well, just saying. Then the shock happen, The shock that turned heads for both their fans. Chris Brown has just physically assaulted Rihanna, WTF! I mean are you serious? I think everyone at that time had questions about what really happen and definitely wanted to know more about the assault. Well I did and now I do so I'm going to share what I know as well as my opinions' because I can't keep my mouth closed when these crazies have just gotten back together.
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Sources say, "It's despicable. They're blaming the victim. She's not the one prone to that kind of behavior...He's the one who's steppin' out." My question is, she not prone to what kind of behavior? the kind where she's talking about killing someone or herself, "Man Down, Unfaithful, G4L...The kind where she's blacking-out and going crazy,"Disturvia"...Better yet the kind that gets retraining orders out on the person who beat her ass and then goes to basketball games with them, And then to say, "she's not prone," so does that imply that he is? If so, whatever could have happen before this incident...Maybe it was the fact that he was making music about incidents in past relationships where he's cheated, "Damage"...Maybe it was the fact that he was trying to get over/trying to forget about someone he loved and that he hurt physically and mentally, "Deuces"...Better yet, I got it, maybe it was the fact that he had a chance to think about somethings and wanted to try and mend their relationship, "Crawl," Okay your right he's definitely prone to that kind of behavior! And who's to say that she didn't do any steppin' out of her own throughout the relationship? Me or you "sources." When it comes down to the fact of people blaming Rihanna, I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for me and I like to think of all sides of every story and I just don't believe everyone did that in their case - I mean Chris Brown is definitely wrong for putting his hands on her at all, but is she not to be accountable for her faults in the incident as well? If not, it's because of that, that some people may feel as though she's not so much of a victim. In Rihanna's own words she said, "The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally dangerous, because it was a bit of an obsession." I think anyone who makes ah statement such as that one, has to have ah few skeletons in their closet in matters of what happen in their relationship...
Rihanna even stated, "I don't hate him at all, I actually love and care about him. I want him to do well, have a great career, have a great life and grow up. And just take this as something you had to go through to grow up and learn." In that moment she was no longer speaking with the person interviewing her, she was speaking directly to Chris and I say that because who really says something like, what I underlined, and means it as ah life lesson?
Now on to the actual assault, as you finish reading, keep this in mind...Rihanna stated that she had broken up with him before the incident but says this after, "Love doesn't go away right away. He didn't accept that very well. Obviously he didn't want us to be apart. But I had to make a decision for me." The fight started when Chris Brown received a text message from another women while "they" were driving, I put quotations over the word they because I had ah question after reading that...My question is, How, if she had not checked his phone either before or after he did, did she know that the text message came from another women? Did she ask? In my personal opinion, I'm gonna say she checked that phone, and in natural/typical girl friend mode went HAM over what she saw/read...Rihanna then states, "I couldn't take that he kept lying to me, and he couldn't take that I wouldn't drop it...It escalated into "him" being violent towards me. And it was ugly."
Cops responding to a 911 call found her with a split lid and contusions on either side of her forehead...
Actual Police Report: "The victim said she became enraged (after seeing the text message) and slammed both of her fists against the dashboard on the passenger side of the car they were in. The defendant then pulled the vehicle over and reached over her with his right hand. He opened the car door and tried to force (shove) the victim out."
"When he could not force her to exit (due to victim wearing a seat belt), he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the car. The victim then faced the defendant and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then continued driving. As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. This was the first assault after which Rihanna told cops, "I looked in the mirror and saw my eye beginning to swell, she also stated that Chris said, "I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! you wait and see! I tried to call my personal assistant but she didn't pick up (why would she call her personal assistant instead of the police after the first assault raising an eyebrow for me at least) so I pretended to talk to her saying I'm on my way home make sure the cops are there when I get there. Rihanna tells cops, "I pulled the act because I didn't want to get beat anymore," Which raises another eyebrow for me because If you were going to "pull an act" to keep from getting beat, why not pretend to/ actually call the cops?
"The victim stated that after the fake phone conversation the defendant stated you just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you! The defendant then began a second assault during which time the victim interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She bent at the waist placing her elbows and her face near her lap in order to protect herself from the barrage of punches. The defendant continued to punch the victim on her left arm, which caused her to suffer a contusion on her left tricep. When the defendant stopped hitting her the victim again picked up her cell phone and tried to send a text message to another assistant, the defendant snatched the cell phone out of her hand and threw it out the window of the car onto the street. He then stopped the vehicle (why did he stop the car if he was the one still in control?), the victim opened the passenger door and tried to exit in order to get her cell phone back (why would she try to exit just to get her phone, why not exit to get away from the man abusing her) before she could get out the defendant sped off, causing the door to close.
As the defendant was driving the victim saw his cell phone sitting in his lap, she took the cell phone with her left hand and tried to make a call. Before she could, the defendant placed the victims head in headlock while he continued to drive. He pulled the victim close and bit her on her left ear (didn't know Chris Brown was Mike Tyson but alright), the victim told police she could feel the victim (did Ri-Ri just have ah slip in the story!) swerving from left to right as the defendant was speeding away. The defendant stopped the vehicle in front of 333 North June St. (a local residence) and the victim was able to remove the keys, she sat on the keys. The defendant did not know what the victim did with the keys (question, if he knew when she took the phone off his lap, in what direction was his head for him to not see/know where she put the keys?) and started punching her again in the face and arms. He placed her in a headlock, positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm, he then started applying pressure to her carotid artery, which made her unable to breathe she told police she started to loose consciousness she reached up with her left hand and started gouging at the defendant's face and eyes (how she was able to do that with her basically almost passing out I'll never know) in order to free herself, the defendant bit the victims left ring and middle fingers and then released her. The victim told police she then took off her shoe and tried to break the passenger window. The defendant continued to punch her and she turned around and placed her back against the passenger door, she brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet against the defendant's body to push away from him ( Now if your reading the report instead of scheming through it, you know that Rihanna told police that she took the keys and sat on them, so wouldn't Chris Brown have been able to retrieve the keys once she turned around to put her feet on him in order to push away?) The defendant punched the victim on her legs and feet causing several contusions, the defendant then ceased his assault and the victim opened the passenger door and started screaming for help. The defendant exited from his side of the car and walked around to the passenger side and force the door shut. The victim again opened the door and continued screaming. The defendant looked for the keys outside the vehicle when he could not find them he removed several compact discs that were inside the car and walked away.
When Rihanna was later interviewed she said, "All I kept thinking was, when is it going to stop? When is it going to stop? He had no soul in his eyes just blank. He was clearly blacked-out. There was no person when I looked at him." Ah few things I have to say about that statement is, if that's what you honestly felt and saw from the man you loved so much...I mean if he was unrecognizable to that extent, why not get out of the vehicle before it got that bad? I mean it was you Rihanna, that stated to the police that before it got physical he pulled over and tried to force you out the car, yeah his approach was physical but again if he wasn't recognizable at that moment you should have gotten out of the car regardless. Even though I do blame your actions I in no way condone what Chris Brown has done either, what I am saying is that I believe that everyone should at some point own their own faults in their life and I just don't think you Rihanna, did that in that situation - Say what you will readers but through the research I did today and finding out more to the story (without Chris Brown's side of course) I do think there were definitely other events that lead to him blacking-out the way that he did that night. I mean lets retract for ah minute...This entire incident started over ah text message that you shouldn't have even seen in the first place, so your first fault in my opinion was being nosy, I mean there's ah time and ah place for everything and that is true where Chris Brown is concerned as well because he has the power to pick and choose his battles and side note - relationship 101 Chris fighting women is never okay in any case. I still feel as though if he is going to be penalized for beating you, you should be penalized for hitting him as well, and yes people I know he is ah man and can clearly over power her but he was behind the wheel of ah vehicle...so how do we know that everything he did to her that night wasn't in self defense? That said how do we know everything that allegedly happen that night actually happen? I only ask because Chris Brown supposedly did all of these things to her while driving, i'd think that it would be extremely difficult to put someone in ah serious (lose of consciousness) headlock while driving among other things, like pulling her close enough to bite her on her left ear hard enough to break skin or even bruise it - THE POINT IS, wouldn't her head be in the way of him actually driving, like in motion, just saying! Before this starts to seem as though I don't find anything wrong with what happen or like I am pro-beating women...All I am getting at is, they were both wrong in that situation and so was the media for not paying enough attention to that fact, if you were going to punish one I feel you should punish the other too mainly because again THEY WERE BOTH IN THE WRONG!
Do I feel like they should be together now? Hell no because there poison together apparently neither of them have any sense when there together...actually that's partly true Rihanna seems to always rise to the top of any situation while Chris Brown has just became ah fallen angel his self, WTF! Chris Brown, do you not want to have ah career anymore? Because all of this acting out and yes I said acting out, cause that's what I say when my kids have tantrums and that's what I think you've been having every since you've gotten back with Rihanna. Really it doesn't matter if you have all the money in the world Chris Brown at the end of the day what truly matters is, if when you look up you know you didn't come all this way and accomplish so much to have it be for nothing and to really have Nothing but money! What your doing and have previously done is just, in ah word, stupid! I mean seriously do you not realize that just ah few years ago you were pretty much ah nobody and where was Rihanna then? And Rihanna, girl you just did all of this shit to Chris Brown, getting retraining orders and almost ruining his career saying you were so scared and feared for your life but it doesn't seem as though you were that scared when it was you who broke the arrangements of said order to be with/around the man who beat your ass and scared you oh so bad and wow, when it looks as though he has finally moved on you want him back completely - and you still claim that, that is Chris Browns' fault! saying, "well Chris is in the wrong for pursuing me while he was in a relationship,"Do you not understand that if you kept the retraining order in play he wouldn't have been around you at all! that was your choice not his, that just makes no sense at all to me. The reality is that you Rihanna, in one way or another enjoy the drama that both you and Chris Brown are creating and the question I have for you is, how many times are you going to cry wolf before no one comes to your rescue? At some point enough has just got to be enough.
Here's what I predict...
Rihanna,"I'm bout to take some of this food Chris"
Chris Brown, "What, I asked you if you wanted some when we were getting the food"
Rihanna, "Don't go crazy it's just ah pinch of it"
Chris Brown,"Why do I have to be crazy because I didn't want to share my food? that's the problem in this relationship"
Rihanna, "No the problem is that you don't act like your in ah relationship with me, are you fucking this food?
Chris Brown, "LoL what?
Rihanna, "What nothing Chris, why can't you answer the question?
Chris Brown,"Cause it's ah stupid question"
Rihanna, "Now I'm stupid?
Chris Brown, "What man no...just get in the car"
Rihanna,"Now i'm ah man? And don't tell me what to do Chris, I will G4L your ass"
Chris Brown, "This shit here man I can't deal wit, I can't believe you going there"
Rihanna, "Cause I don't know why you won't tell me if you fucking your food or not! Your going to make me get my vaseline "
Chris Brown, "Ri fuck your vaseline, I got shit too"
Rihanna, "Well you know how it's gone go down so I hope your ready to go through that again!"
Chris Brown, "I hate that I'm so stuck on stupid for you Ri"
Rihanna, "You hate it, but I love that your so stupid in love for me ha ha"
The scene will play out just like it did above and Jay-Z will get mad and they'll eventually get back together, but only after she files a retraining order because she fears for her life and Chris Brown will cry and leave ah snot trail from his fingers to his shoulders on the BET awards and it just is what it is and they'll be spotted some where in the world representing their love saying, "Fuck every body at least were together!
Now that, that's out of the way, I wanna be honest with you about them being together. In typical fan mode I was against Chris Brown being with her in the first place solely because, like any other fan of his back in high school when he first came out, In my mind I was gone meet him and we were going to date...and to those of you reading this right now, DON'T JUDGE ME! I mean I was even mad about him dying in the first movie he was ever put in, it went that hard for me!
Any who getting back to the subject, the further the relationship went the more it just started to sound suspect - I mean we never really saw there relationship up close and the pictures of them being spotted together didn't suggest anything wrong but the rumors as well as the music did. There were even rumors about Rihanna and Jay-Z having some type of relationship/affair with one another and the music she made, made me think she was, in ah word, "Crazy." Then You'd see/hear about Chris Brown and he just had that innocent good boy quality about him and his music just verified the thoughts, I mean the worst thing about his music was the fact that as he grew he did what most men do, which was sing songs about getting it in! And really what's the harm in that?...In my opinion the harm came when their lives began to change in the public eye, basically as they became more famous, they seemed to become more blinded at the fact that not just there careers should have grown, but they should have grown as well, and why not? I mean when someone at age eighteen is making music such as "Take you down," we could only hope that the person is on their way to maturity and the same could be said for Rihanna as well, I mean anyone putting music out such as "Unfaithful," and " Disturbia," should not only find their way to maturity but to ah mental clinic as well, just saying. Then the shock happen, The shock that turned heads for both their fans. Chris Brown has just physically assaulted Rihanna, WTF! I mean are you serious? I think everyone at that time had questions about what really happen and definitely wanted to know more about the assault. Well I did and now I do so I'm going to share what I know as well as my opinions' because I can't keep my mouth closed when these crazies have just gotten back together.
.jpg)
Sources say, "It's despicable. They're blaming the victim. She's not the one prone to that kind of behavior...He's the one who's steppin' out." My question is, she not prone to what kind of behavior? the kind where she's talking about killing someone or herself, "Man Down, Unfaithful, G4L...The kind where she's blacking-out and going crazy,"Disturvia"...Better yet the kind that gets retraining orders out on the person who beat her ass and then goes to basketball games with them, And then to say, "she's not prone," so does that imply that he is? If so, whatever could have happen before this incident...Maybe it was the fact that he was making music about incidents in past relationships where he's cheated, "Damage"...Maybe it was the fact that he was trying to get over/trying to forget about someone he loved and that he hurt physically and mentally, "Deuces"...Better yet, I got it, maybe it was the fact that he had a chance to think about somethings and wanted to try and mend their relationship, "Crawl," Okay your right he's definitely prone to that kind of behavior! And who's to say that she didn't do any steppin' out of her own throughout the relationship? Me or you "sources." When it comes down to the fact of people blaming Rihanna, I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for me and I like to think of all sides of every story and I just don't believe everyone did that in their case - I mean Chris Brown is definitely wrong for putting his hands on her at all, but is she not to be accountable for her faults in the incident as well? If not, it's because of that, that some people may feel as though she's not so much of a victim. In Rihanna's own words she said, "The more in love we became, the more dangerous we became for each other, equally dangerous, because it was a bit of an obsession." I think anyone who makes ah statement such as that one, has to have ah few skeletons in their closet in matters of what happen in their relationship...Now on to the actual assault, as you finish reading, keep this in mind...Rihanna stated that she had broken up with him before the incident but says this after, "Love doesn't go away right away. He didn't accept that very well. Obviously he didn't want us to be apart. But I had to make a decision for me." The fight started when Chris Brown received a text message from another women while "they" were driving, I put quotations over the word they because I had ah question after reading that...My question is, How, if she had not checked his phone either before or after he did, did she know that the text message came from another women? Did she ask? In my personal opinion, I'm gonna say she checked that phone, and in natural/typical girl friend mode went HAM over what she saw/read...Rihanna then states, "I couldn't take that he kept lying to me, and he couldn't take that I wouldn't drop it...It escalated into "him" being violent towards me. And it was ugly."
Actual Police Report: "The victim said she became enraged (after seeing the text message) and slammed both of her fists against the dashboard on the passenger side of the car they were in. The defendant then pulled the vehicle over and reached over her with his right hand. He opened the car door and tried to force (shove) the victim out."
"When he could not force her to exit (due to victim wearing a seat belt), he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the car. The victim then faced the defendant and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then continued driving. As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. This was the first assault after which Rihanna told cops, "I looked in the mirror and saw my eye beginning to swell, she also stated that Chris said, "I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! you wait and see! I tried to call my personal assistant but she didn't pick up (why would she call her personal assistant instead of the police after the first assault raising an eyebrow for me at least) so I pretended to talk to her saying I'm on my way home make sure the cops are there when I get there. Rihanna tells cops, "I pulled the act because I didn't want to get beat anymore," Which raises another eyebrow for me because If you were going to "pull an act" to keep from getting beat, why not pretend to/ actually call the cops?
"The victim stated that after the fake phone conversation the defendant stated you just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you! The defendant then began a second assault during which time the victim interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She bent at the waist placing her elbows and her face near her lap in order to protect herself from the barrage of punches. The defendant continued to punch the victim on her left arm, which caused her to suffer a contusion on her left tricep. When the defendant stopped hitting her the victim again picked up her cell phone and tried to send a text message to another assistant, the defendant snatched the cell phone out of her hand and threw it out the window of the car onto the street. He then stopped the vehicle (why did he stop the car if he was the one still in control?), the victim opened the passenger door and tried to exit in order to get her cell phone back (why would she try to exit just to get her phone, why not exit to get away from the man abusing her) before she could get out the defendant sped off, causing the door to close.
As the defendant was driving the victim saw his cell phone sitting in his lap, she took the cell phone with her left hand and tried to make a call. Before she could, the defendant placed the victims head in headlock while he continued to drive. He pulled the victim close and bit her on her left ear (didn't know Chris Brown was Mike Tyson but alright), the victim told police she could feel the victim (did Ri-Ri just have ah slip in the story!) swerving from left to right as the defendant was speeding away. The defendant stopped the vehicle in front of 333 North June St. (a local residence) and the victim was able to remove the keys, she sat on the keys. The defendant did not know what the victim did with the keys (question, if he knew when she took the phone off his lap, in what direction was his head for him to not see/know where she put the keys?) and started punching her again in the face and arms. He placed her in a headlock, positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm, he then started applying pressure to her carotid artery, which made her unable to breathe she told police she started to loose consciousness she reached up with her left hand and started gouging at the defendant's face and eyes (how she was able to do that with her basically almost passing out I'll never know) in order to free herself, the defendant bit the victims left ring and middle fingers and then released her. The victim told police she then took off her shoe and tried to break the passenger window. The defendant continued to punch her and she turned around and placed her back against the passenger door, she brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet against the defendant's body to push away from him ( Now if your reading the report instead of scheming through it, you know that Rihanna told police that she took the keys and sat on them, so wouldn't Chris Brown have been able to retrieve the keys once she turned around to put her feet on him in order to push away?) The defendant punched the victim on her legs and feet causing several contusions, the defendant then ceased his assault and the victim opened the passenger door and started screaming for help. The defendant exited from his side of the car and walked around to the passenger side and force the door shut. The victim again opened the door and continued screaming. The defendant looked for the keys outside the vehicle when he could not find them he removed several compact discs that were inside the car and walked away.When Rihanna was later interviewed she said, "All I kept thinking was, when is it going to stop? When is it going to stop? He had no soul in his eyes just blank. He was clearly blacked-out. There was no person when I looked at him." Ah few things I have to say about that statement is, if that's what you honestly felt and saw from the man you loved so much...I mean if he was unrecognizable to that extent, why not get out of the vehicle before it got that bad? I mean it was you Rihanna, that stated to the police that before it got physical he pulled over and tried to force you out the car, yeah his approach was physical but again if he wasn't recognizable at that moment you should have gotten out of the car regardless. Even though I do blame your actions I in no way condone what Chris Brown has done either, what I am saying is that I believe that everyone should at some point own their own faults in their life and I just don't think you Rihanna, did that in that situation - Say what you will readers but through the research I did today and finding out more to the story (without Chris Brown's side of course) I do think there were definitely other events that lead to him blacking-out the way that he did that night. I mean lets retract for ah minute...This entire incident started over ah text message that you shouldn't have even seen in the first place, so your first fault in my opinion was being nosy, I mean there's ah time and ah place for everything and that is true where Chris Brown is concerned as well because he has the power to pick and choose his battles and side note - relationship 101 Chris fighting women is never okay in any case. I still feel as though if he is going to be penalized for beating you, you should be penalized for hitting him as well, and yes people I know he is ah man and can clearly over power her but he was behind the wheel of ah vehicle...so how do we know that everything he did to her that night wasn't in self defense? That said how do we know everything that allegedly happen that night actually happen? I only ask because Chris Brown supposedly did all of these things to her while driving, i'd think that it would be extremely difficult to put someone in ah serious (lose of consciousness) headlock while driving among other things, like pulling her close enough to bite her on her left ear hard enough to break skin or even bruise it - THE POINT IS, wouldn't her head be in the way of him actually driving, like in motion, just saying! Before this starts to seem as though I don't find anything wrong with what happen or like I am pro-beating women...All I am getting at is, they were both wrong in that situation and so was the media for not paying enough attention to that fact, if you were going to punish one I feel you should punish the other too mainly because again THEY WERE BOTH IN THE WRONG!
Rihanna,"I'm bout to take some of this food Chris"
Chris Brown, "What, I asked you if you wanted some when we were getting the food"
Rihanna, "Don't go crazy it's just ah pinch of it"
Chris Brown,"Why do I have to be crazy because I didn't want to share my food? that's the problem in this relationship"
Rihanna, "No the problem is that you don't act like your in ah relationship with me, are you fucking this food?
Chris Brown, "LoL what?
Rihanna, "What nothing Chris, why can't you answer the question?
Chris Brown,"Cause it's ah stupid question"
Rihanna, "Now I'm stupid?
Chris Brown, "What man no...just get in the car"
Rihanna,"Now i'm ah man? And don't tell me what to do Chris, I will G4L your ass"
Chris Brown, "This shit here man I can't deal wit, I can't believe you going there"
Rihanna, "Cause I don't know why you won't tell me if you fucking your food or not! Your going to make me get my vaseline "
Rihanna, "Well you know how it's gone go down so I hope your ready to go through that again!"
Chris Brown, "I hate that I'm so stuck on stupid for you Ri"
Rihanna, "You hate it, but I love that your so stupid in love for me ha ha"
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