When people think about African Americans, their face becomes distressed, as if we're aliens from a different planet, we're even classified differently when it comes to applying for jobs, during award shows, even commercials. Come on...On one hand, we're asking for those of different races to except us, Black-African Americans, as their equals and on the completely other hand we're separating ourselves. Now, that's not to say that Americans aren't trying to separate us either but my question is...How can we, as the African Americans, complain if we, ourselves, are falling in line or back in formation of separating our own selves?
My opinion is that, we as people can not keep complaining about change expecting a change to come all while doing and or not doing anything different ourselves, in doing so we're driving ourselves insane literally by definition, because only insane people continue to do the same things over and over again, expecting different outcomes each and every time! If we, as Black-African Americans really wanted a change to come, we would make the first steps forward to allow a change to come and WAIT for the progress. The problem then becomes the fact that our race, is so fucking impatient, that we get tired of waiting on Americans to move at our pace instead of their own. So we then start a movement of our own, not realizing that our moves aren't actually in a forward motion but in a backward one instead!
We're segregating our own race from those of other races, all the while asking why White, Hispanic, Latino and Chinese people don't understand us but want to be like us? When the question should be why don't we rather why can't we, Black- African Americans understand ourselves enough to not get so mad/ angry, at the fact that other races want to imitate us because, if we had more sense or if we used our heads, calmed down and really sat back to realize that imitation is the highest form of flattery, then it would finally dawn on us that they (Americans/ other races) don't hate us intentionally, they actually dislike, with a passion, what they wish they could be themselves...
Maybe they feel like the people who are transgender, who we're born in the wrong body, except they were born in the wrong skin! Same could be said about us Black-African Americans, with all the changes we keep trying to make to our physical appearance. Example being the slanted eyes we try to give ourselves with make-up (Chinese) or the waist trainers/ tummy tucks/ lipo-suction for a skinny body that we weren't born with but (white people) were or, the way we like to dress with our mid-drifts out/uncovered (Latinos) or getting super long ass weave down our backs (Hispanics).
We as people imitate things we've grown fond of, from the clothes on our backs, to the shoes on our feet, to the hair down our backs or lack there of. The difference is, we as African Americans choose to take offense when others "treat" us a certain way, not fully realizing that we "treat" others in that same manner but for some reason it's justified in our minds! Because of what, I mean why? Because of slavery? Well guess what, there was also genocide to other specific races not just ours. Slavery doesn't make us different nor does it keep us stagnate, it actually makes us strong willed, which allows us to give testimonials throughout our life, to create change and trying to create change, is a process and having the ability to be PATIENT through that process, allows room for PROGRESS! It's a step by step flow/reaction just like when a baby learns to walk, they must first learn to sit, then crawl, then walk allowing them to one day run! It's all movement but, we have to remember is that even movement takes time...It has to first start with us but, that can not happen if we're constantly going insane dancing back-in-forth, we have got to learn a new dance.
- lets salsa!
Monday, April 27, 2015
Can I Get Personal?
Do you know what it feels like to be broken? To wake up every day with the feeling that, there's no one who completely understands you. To constantly have in your mind, no matter what you do, when you do it - what you say and how you say it, no one will believe you or have the knowledge to know where you're coming from or where you've been and through all the drama, there's no one who knows and gets where you're trying to go in your life. Hell, that being said, do you even know or understand yourself!?
Some days I wake up and wonder, is this really my life? I honestly spend hours in my head, trying to figure out how I can possibly fix it, my life that is. Could I have done or said something different? What if I never had kids, would they be better off without me? Would I be better off without them? Where would my husband and I be, if we never got married? Would we even still be together? What if I had a better relationship with my mother, way back before now, would it have changed my out look on life or my personality at all? What if I was passive aggressive, instead of; Bipolar, crazy aggressive, the way I am or the way people seem to think I am now?
Honestly...I'm sitting up, after having took four sleeping pills, restless because my mind has told my body, "there's a problem." Only trouble is, I can't seem to pin point the problem! Am I too mean?...Am I too bod?...Am I too real?...Or is my problem the fact that I want to make sure everyone I know is alright, happy and likes me?
I honestly have no explanation for wanting to do that, mainly because I always place my emotions, needs, wants, likes and dislikes on the back burner like recycled grease. I will even think I'm complaining about consistently doing this to myself and how I never get any free time to just take care of me and worry about my happiness, only to always repeat this shit...Talking about how tired of going through this and caring on about being done! When the sad, horrible reality is that, in some weird, crazy fucked up way...I kind of like it! It actually gives me something to do because I will literally go crazy - deranged, if I was completely alone.
In this moment, I feel tons of emotions, I didn't bother to realize I would ever feel. I never really considered my own children, the ones that I grew on the inside of me and were cut out of me, would be taken from me because I yell at them, because I teach them manners, because they get disciplined for doing bad things, because I make them do their homework, because I make them clean up after themselves, because they cry like someone has taken a shot gun to the face of their imaginary pet dog, because we blast music and have dance sessions, because I let them help me cook on occasion, because I make them wash their ass and brush their teeth every day, because we (mom & dad) play tag, hide & seek, toy war, phase ten, cops and the occasional hide and scare the shit out of somebody and like most kids do when playing they fall, they yell, they fake cry, they run, THEY GET HURT! I'm the bad guy who must be abusing my children...GTFOH!!
That's called being a damn good mother okay, that's called teaching your children responsibility okay, that's called the exchange of respect from child to parent and parent to child okay, that's called kids being kids okay, that's called try it sometime and stop trying to single my family out for not allowing my children to run around the city of Griffin GA like mini thots, shaking their ass and giving off the notion that their grown when really their only 7 months, 2, 6 and 7 years old okay!
I've tried to continue praying to God about my situation, trying to avoid asking, "why me Lord?" But, I feel as though it's not the right time to ask HIM to return my heavy load back to me yet, mainly because I need to breath and take in this entire situation so that my brain recognizes that this is very real and it is something that I can not control what so ever. A part of me really wish I had the ability to see into the future, to know when my four hearts will return home...Back in my chest, so that I might live again.
I don't have many regrets in my life, but I do regret putting myself in this type of situation. Basically, I regret leaving a window open for someones doubt of me being a good parent to come in. I miss my children being at home day-in and day-out, every time someone comes up to me asking, "where are the kids?", My first thought is always their faces and what their doing when their not with me! And getting supervised visits with them, Sunday's, isn't enough. If it were good enough I would be the type of person the state is trying to make me out to be. Hell the day I get my kids back, I'm going...Scratch that, we're going to have a mini party at home and there will be games and staying up late and just all out fun because this is where they need to be, forever and ALWAYS. I can honestly and whole heartily say, "A change is gonna come when my kids come home and maybe not on that day but soon after, we're getting the hell outta Griffin, where everybody knows not just your name, but your business and think that knowing all that entitles them to being apart of your life, to that I say...NOT ME, NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY LIFE, I'M GOOD!
Some days I wake up and wonder, is this really my life? I honestly spend hours in my head, trying to figure out how I can possibly fix it, my life that is. Could I have done or said something different? What if I never had kids, would they be better off without me? Would I be better off without them? Where would my husband and I be, if we never got married? Would we even still be together? What if I had a better relationship with my mother, way back before now, would it have changed my out look on life or my personality at all? What if I was passive aggressive, instead of; Bipolar, crazy aggressive, the way I am or the way people seem to think I am now?
Honestly...I'm sitting up, after having took four sleeping pills, restless because my mind has told my body, "there's a problem." Only trouble is, I can't seem to pin point the problem! Am I too mean?...Am I too bod?...Am I too real?...Or is my problem the fact that I want to make sure everyone I know is alright, happy and likes me?
I honestly have no explanation for wanting to do that, mainly because I always place my emotions, needs, wants, likes and dislikes on the back burner like recycled grease. I will even think I'm complaining about consistently doing this to myself and how I never get any free time to just take care of me and worry about my happiness, only to always repeat this shit...Talking about how tired of going through this and caring on about being done! When the sad, horrible reality is that, in some weird, crazy fucked up way...I kind of like it! It actually gives me something to do because I will literally go crazy - deranged, if I was completely alone.
In this moment, I feel tons of emotions, I didn't bother to realize I would ever feel. I never really considered my own children, the ones that I grew on the inside of me and were cut out of me, would be taken from me because I yell at them, because I teach them manners, because they get disciplined for doing bad things, because I make them do their homework, because I make them clean up after themselves, because they cry like someone has taken a shot gun to the face of their imaginary pet dog, because we blast music and have dance sessions, because I let them help me cook on occasion, because I make them wash their ass and brush their teeth every day, because we (mom & dad) play tag, hide & seek, toy war, phase ten, cops and the occasional hide and scare the shit out of somebody and like most kids do when playing they fall, they yell, they fake cry, they run, THEY GET HURT! I'm the bad guy who must be abusing my children...GTFOH!!
That's called being a damn good mother okay, that's called teaching your children responsibility okay, that's called the exchange of respect from child to parent and parent to child okay, that's called kids being kids okay, that's called try it sometime and stop trying to single my family out for not allowing my children to run around the city of Griffin GA like mini thots, shaking their ass and giving off the notion that their grown when really their only 7 months, 2, 6 and 7 years old okay!
I've tried to continue praying to God about my situation, trying to avoid asking, "why me Lord?" But, I feel as though it's not the right time to ask HIM to return my heavy load back to me yet, mainly because I need to breath and take in this entire situation so that my brain recognizes that this is very real and it is something that I can not control what so ever. A part of me really wish I had the ability to see into the future, to know when my four hearts will return home...Back in my chest, so that I might live again.
I don't have many regrets in my life, but I do regret putting myself in this type of situation. Basically, I regret leaving a window open for someones doubt of me being a good parent to come in. I miss my children being at home day-in and day-out, every time someone comes up to me asking, "where are the kids?", My first thought is always their faces and what their doing when their not with me! And getting supervised visits with them, Sunday's, isn't enough. If it were good enough I would be the type of person the state is trying to make me out to be. Hell the day I get my kids back, I'm going...Scratch that, we're going to have a mini party at home and there will be games and staying up late and just all out fun because this is where they need to be, forever and ALWAYS. I can honestly and whole heartily say, "A change is gonna come when my kids come home and maybe not on that day but soon after, we're getting the hell outta Griffin, where everybody knows not just your name, but your business and think that knowing all that entitles them to being apart of your life, to that I say...NOT ME, NOT MY FAMILY, NOT MY LIFE, I'M GOOD!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
The Polygamist Playa
Does one man really need fifty-two cards in his deck, or can he play with just one?
Okay...Truth, a man will find love in a woman in due time, what's unknown to the woman he fell in love with is that the man actually was in love with her!
I know that the last statement you just read was a bit cconfusing so I'll do my best to explain...
Men are a "keep to themselves" kind of breed, which basically means they'll hold all their sensitive emotions one the inside to keep from showing their girl; their lady, their woman, their baby mama, their fiance, their wife or their niggas their volunerablilty. Feelings of being deamed a punk or mitch! Tends to make them a little afraid or for the lack of a better word hesitent. Now hold up fellas don't sop reading because I'm in no way trying or intending to bad mouth or throw y'all under the bus, I'm just gone write...can a write for a bit and y'all just hang in there with me for a while?
Okay - ugh, back to the fact that men don't tap into their emotions to women as much as they should, I misspoke just then, men definitley share feelings but only to their mothers!
- Yeah she did!
So with that being said, Ma'am always knows, so she'll know that the man your so in love with actually loves you, yeah he feels a lil somethin' somthin' for you, get yo smile on. But how the hell does that help you or even benefit you? Since you don't know that he cares? You'll start and continually do and say dumb, weird, malicious, ratchet, just plain stupid ass shit that will piss him off on a daily, which will eventually turn him off of you, oh but he won't leave you, even though now, he's kind of looking at you like, "I got to much luv for shorty now, to just say fuck her. Yeah she now more like a little sis to me!" At least thats what he'll be saying to all his friends.
NO ladies the sad thing or truth of the matter is that he'll not only stay with you but he'll be just beginning a new relationship with somone else which he'll then do two things with her. He'll one, get involved with the chick, tell his mother about how in love he is with her and how she might be the one. Two, he'll eventually find something she did or didn't do to piss him over, grow tried of her in some way then stay but leave her too. All the while talking to you, laughing with her and just beginning to love on someone else.
Honestly, in my opinion, I feel as though the type of man who does this to a woman either really hates his mother or is such a mama's boy, that he wants to be in a relationship with her and is out looking for someone just like her so that he can feel safe enough to open up to, emotionally, and be in love with all at the same time. I say this because if you think about it, a man like this would go out picking up chicks, that in someway resembels their mother, find someone else and someone else and someone else, did I say and someone else? Damn if he through a party and the guest list contain just him, you and about three other chicks and he's enjoying himself, he's probably dating you, her and that girl over there. Seriously, what if itakes for him to be with three different women for him to actually say or be really in love with just the ONE!?
In short, this nigga has found the one within three different relationships and has no plains of ending any of the three. Hood break for a secend, "That nigga is seriously loney toones, his hamster has just stop spinning in his head." My quetion now is, How many women out there would actually be okay and want to spend the rest of their lives with a man who has two, three, four other women, wives, babymamas, fiances? I ask that because some of you women out there want to be in a relationship so bad that as soon as a man smiles at you, y'all ready for a relationship. Now weather y'all do this because of your age or because of the desperate desire of not wanting to sleep alone, hell maybe y'all do it cause y'all just want a man and wanna have fun and don't care, In short the need to have a title.
I'll apologize because yes, I straid from the original topic at hand but I just couldn't resist the urge to ask my question. Back to the reason why I'm writing this post actually lets just say, back to the topic of this post, like I said before, polygamist are people who seek comfort in many spouses, I honestly don't know if spouses is a word or not but, it'll be one today! Men seek comfort in many different relationships, people, you happy now? I don't know why they do it I've made some hypothosis but tuthfully,I don't think many polygamist even know why they do it or for that matter what, exactlly, their looking for.
The only thing I can say about this topic, would be to give my answer, to the question I asked when I started. Do men really need fifty- two cards in their deck or can they play with just one? I beleive they can, I think this world and they way it operates is basied off of choices and we as people choose to do things we want to do, we choose say what we wanna say, we choose to leave and we choose to stay. We choose to work or not, we choose to have or get into or out of a relationship, we choose to then marry that person and raise babies with them or not and we damn well choose who we will be in this life. So being that life is a choice, those who are polygmist choose to be, they could very easily be with one and only one person not only that but to have one and only spouse.
When someone chooses to be a polygamist, they have choosen to be a selfish person who solely cares and worries about themselves. They don't love other people the way they should be loved not because they can't but because they don't understand the meaning, they only understand the meaning of their own hearts and happiness because if that were not true they would understand moreover sympathize with the person they CHOSE to string along wasting valuable time in their life thinking they've found the one. Polygamist would relize that when women find out or surcome to the relization that they (the polygamist playas) have always been in several different relationships all the while being in one with them, they (the polygamist playas) come across to the women as a heartless sons of a bitch that just broke their hearts and has now made them want to give up on looking for love.
Polygamy to me is just a fancy word for men or women (for that matter) cheating. It, to me, feels as though men and women out there are saying to themselves, "sense there's a fancy name for it, it must be okay!"
-Thats what I think, say it with me "polygamy is good, that's right" (Eddie Murphy voice in Vampire In Brooklin)
Well ladies and gentalmen it's not okay, polygamy is a joke and futher more it is an excuse for not wanting to grow the hell up and get knocked down in life a few times, hell relationships are hard people, but so is life and there is no sense in trying make sense in why it's hard or feeling as though getting to close to a person will be the end to the world. Sometimes when you're trying out new relationships you have to test drive a few maybe even get in a few accidents in order to come out stronger, more aware and knowlegable of things you blind to when you first got in it but that's good because when you're finally prepared for what comes out of that, you're truly blessed with the one who will and can be your every thing, If that's what you need cause in the words of Alicia Keys,
"A woman ain't a woman if she ain't women enough, to love you when your wrong, love you when your right, love you when your weak, love you when your strong, take you higher when the world got you feeling low, giving you her best even when your at your worst, giving comfort when she thinking that your hurt, that's what's done when you really love someone."
MEN...Y'all just have to trust that we women know, can and will do that for y'all and at that point know how to give it to us in return stop all this nonsense with this damn polygamy, y'all missing your woman you know, the one y'all out searching for!
#yolives #getitcatchitgotitgood
Okay...Truth, a man will find love in a woman in due time, what's unknown to the woman he fell in love with is that the man actually was in love with her!
I know that the last statement you just read was a bit cconfusing so I'll do my best to explain...
Men are a "keep to themselves" kind of breed, which basically means they'll hold all their sensitive emotions one the inside to keep from showing their girl; their lady, their woman, their baby mama, their fiance, their wife or their niggas their volunerablilty. Feelings of being deamed a punk or mitch! Tends to make them a little afraid or for the lack of a better word hesitent. Now hold up fellas don't sop reading because I'm in no way trying or intending to bad mouth or throw y'all under the bus, I'm just gone write...can a write for a bit and y'all just hang in there with me for a while?
Okay - ugh, back to the fact that men don't tap into their emotions to women as much as they should, I misspoke just then, men definitley share feelings but only to their mothers!
- Yeah she did!
So with that being said, Ma'am always knows, so she'll know that the man your so in love with actually loves you, yeah he feels a lil somethin' somthin' for you, get yo smile on. But how the hell does that help you or even benefit you? Since you don't know that he cares? You'll start and continually do and say dumb, weird, malicious, ratchet, just plain stupid ass shit that will piss him off on a daily, which will eventually turn him off of you, oh but he won't leave you, even though now, he's kind of looking at you like, "I got to much luv for shorty now, to just say fuck her. Yeah she now more like a little sis to me!" At least thats what he'll be saying to all his friends.
NO ladies the sad thing or truth of the matter is that he'll not only stay with you but he'll be just beginning a new relationship with somone else which he'll then do two things with her. He'll one, get involved with the chick, tell his mother about how in love he is with her and how she might be the one. Two, he'll eventually find something she did or didn't do to piss him over, grow tried of her in some way then stay but leave her too. All the while talking to you, laughing with her and just beginning to love on someone else.
Honestly, in my opinion, I feel as though the type of man who does this to a woman either really hates his mother or is such a mama's boy, that he wants to be in a relationship with her and is out looking for someone just like her so that he can feel safe enough to open up to, emotionally, and be in love with all at the same time. I say this because if you think about it, a man like this would go out picking up chicks, that in someway resembels their mother, find someone else and someone else and someone else, did I say and someone else? Damn if he through a party and the guest list contain just him, you and about three other chicks and he's enjoying himself, he's probably dating you, her and that girl over there. Seriously, what if itakes for him to be with three different women for him to actually say or be really in love with just the ONE!?
In short, this nigga has found the one within three different relationships and has no plains of ending any of the three. Hood break for a secend, "That nigga is seriously loney toones, his hamster has just stop spinning in his head." My quetion now is, How many women out there would actually be okay and want to spend the rest of their lives with a man who has two, three, four other women, wives, babymamas, fiances? I ask that because some of you women out there want to be in a relationship so bad that as soon as a man smiles at you, y'all ready for a relationship. Now weather y'all do this because of your age or because of the desperate desire of not wanting to sleep alone, hell maybe y'all do it cause y'all just want a man and wanna have fun and don't care, In short the need to have a title.
I'll apologize because yes, I straid from the original topic at hand but I just couldn't resist the urge to ask my question. Back to the reason why I'm writing this post actually lets just say, back to the topic of this post, like I said before, polygamist are people who seek comfort in many spouses, I honestly don't know if spouses is a word or not but, it'll be one today! Men seek comfort in many different relationships, people, you happy now? I don't know why they do it I've made some hypothosis but tuthfully,I don't think many polygamist even know why they do it or for that matter what, exactlly, their looking for.
The only thing I can say about this topic, would be to give my answer, to the question I asked when I started. Do men really need fifty- two cards in their deck or can they play with just one? I beleive they can, I think this world and they way it operates is basied off of choices and we as people choose to do things we want to do, we choose say what we wanna say, we choose to leave and we choose to stay. We choose to work or not, we choose to have or get into or out of a relationship, we choose to then marry that person and raise babies with them or not and we damn well choose who we will be in this life. So being that life is a choice, those who are polygmist choose to be, they could very easily be with one and only one person not only that but to have one and only spouse.
When someone chooses to be a polygamist, they have choosen to be a selfish person who solely cares and worries about themselves. They don't love other people the way they should be loved not because they can't but because they don't understand the meaning, they only understand the meaning of their own hearts and happiness because if that were not true they would understand moreover sympathize with the person they CHOSE to string along wasting valuable time in their life thinking they've found the one. Polygamist would relize that when women find out or surcome to the relization that they (the polygamist playas) have always been in several different relationships all the while being in one with them, they (the polygamist playas) come across to the women as a heartless sons of a bitch that just broke their hearts and has now made them want to give up on looking for love.
Polygamy to me is just a fancy word for men or women (for that matter) cheating. It, to me, feels as though men and women out there are saying to themselves, "sense there's a fancy name for it, it must be okay!"
-Thats what I think, say it with me "polygamy is good, that's right" (Eddie Murphy voice in Vampire In Brooklin)
Well ladies and gentalmen it's not okay, polygamy is a joke and futher more it is an excuse for not wanting to grow the hell up and get knocked down in life a few times, hell relationships are hard people, but so is life and there is no sense in trying make sense in why it's hard or feeling as though getting to close to a person will be the end to the world. Sometimes when you're trying out new relationships you have to test drive a few maybe even get in a few accidents in order to come out stronger, more aware and knowlegable of things you blind to when you first got in it but that's good because when you're finally prepared for what comes out of that, you're truly blessed with the one who will and can be your every thing, If that's what you need cause in the words of Alicia Keys,
"A woman ain't a woman if she ain't women enough, to love you when your wrong, love you when your right, love you when your weak, love you when your strong, take you higher when the world got you feeling low, giving you her best even when your at your worst, giving comfort when she thinking that your hurt, that's what's done when you really love someone."
MEN...Y'all just have to trust that we women know, can and will do that for y'all and at that point know how to give it to us in return stop all this nonsense with this damn polygamy, y'all missing your woman you know, the one y'all out searching for!
#yolives #getitcatchitgotitgood
Friday, January 30, 2015
Hats Off To The Single Mothers
Miss independent, the mom who also wears the pants in the household! She who has no choice but to play daddy to her child or children, in most instances, is much like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.
On the phone one hand, this woman is nurturing, sensitive, the kisser of all those little boo-boos and the homemaker! On the other hand, this woman is the bread winner, the head of the household, he no-shit taker and the one who has to teach her son how to be a man, a better man then his sperm donner whose mastered the art of disappearing.
This lady has to be strong at heart because, any sign of weakness will give her child or children, the ammunition to gun her down and take over the thrown because as we all know, to be a woman means, to be a queen but what men fail to realize, is that when they relinquish their title as king, the queen now has double the power she already had in the first place and once a WOMAN has had a taste of complete power in her home, it's going to be hard for her to give that up.
Note to men: When y'all get women pregnant, you guys are the only ones who are capable if leaving the situation. If a woman were to leave, they'd be judged, hearing things such as, what kind of mother just leaves their child? Or what was she thinking? She must be crazy! But if a man leaves, people give all kinds of excuses like, maybe he wasn't ready! Or maybe he was scared! My question is, what kind of bullshit us that? I mean can a woman not be scared? Can she not be ready? So why isn't she justified in walking out but a man is!?
I, much like many of you readers, was raised by a single mother. She carried all of the weight and worked her ass off ( almost all of the time) trying to provide for us, us being me and my three siblings, the best way she knew how and we appreciated her for that. Showering her with double everything, especially love but we, as little girls, don't really appreciate our single mothers, until we become ones our selves and then, it's as if we see just how much our own mothers struggled.
Throughout your life of course there are struggles...Financial, mental and emotional but, that struggle is vastly doubled when you have a child. I wonder if a man has ever tried to consider our struggle and if so, did he just not give a damn because he was FREE!
Lets, for a minute, discuss the job description of a homemaker/ single mother...A typical week includes; waking up, getting the kids feed and bathed. Doing your daughters hair or going to get your sons hair cut. Sending them off to school - daycare or headstart, of course you'll have to wash your own ass and get yourself ready for the day. Then you'll head off to work - to make the money. At some point you'll have to go to the grocery store ( if you qualify for foodstamps, BONUS! ) If your job is working from home ( stay - at - home parent ) then you'll have to get your hustle on just to make/ get your money. Then it's time to clean house i.e, washing dishes and clothes, taking out the trash and cleaning that out, mowing the lawn on the weekend and damn if your car needs to be fixed. By the time you get a chance to sit down, its time to pick up the kids, do homework, start dinner, get the kids ready for school in the morning and yourself for the new day and then off to bed, only to get up and do it all over again, ALL BY YOURSELF.
I don't know about y'all but, I need a blunt, a drink or a cigarette after just listing the typical day of a single mother. Where's your FREEDOM single moms? Mothers day and if your lucky fathers day!
What bothers me is that single mothers will do all the work, for years sometimes, then one day - out of nowhere - the "fathers" will just pop up like...Okay, tag me in! As if he called time out for a while to catch his breath or something but will expect you to still be in the game. My feeling towards that is, okay since you've tagged back in ( I say back in because, you were in the game to create the child ) do I now get a time out, a chance to relax and catch my breath! But no, sometimes that single mom winds up taking care of not only their baby/ babies but, that nigga too. Lets face it, we as mothers will always carry the weight of all that happens in their homes. The sad part about that is, they/ we will always be under-appreciated by the men who should be on their knees, bowing down to pucker up and do some major ass kissing.
So right now, in this moment of reading this post, I ask that all the strong, independent, single, queens of their castle, women/ mothers, do this one thing...Close your eyes, lift your heads up, take a deep breath, relax and just be in this moment. Thinking only, to yourselves, this...
" I will make it through these times of dark feelings about when my time will come. My time is now, I have been blessed with children who will always love, respect and appreciate me. They have my back at all times and they'll never forget all the wonderful - as well as not so wonderful times we've had and will have together. No one can take that away from me, even if they try."
Remember this, a man is nothing without a strong woman beside him and he left you, which means he will continue to be NOTHING and miss out on all the joys a child can bring. When you move on and y'all will...It'll be his lost completely, y'all are queens in your own right and a king shall come, until then...Take a bow ladies cause all hats are off for all you single mothers.
On the phone one hand, this woman is nurturing, sensitive, the kisser of all those little boo-boos and the homemaker! On the other hand, this woman is the bread winner, the head of the household, he no-shit taker and the one who has to teach her son how to be a man, a better man then his sperm donner whose mastered the art of disappearing.
This lady has to be strong at heart because, any sign of weakness will give her child or children, the ammunition to gun her down and take over the thrown because as we all know, to be a woman means, to be a queen but what men fail to realize, is that when they relinquish their title as king, the queen now has double the power she already had in the first place and once a WOMAN has had a taste of complete power in her home, it's going to be hard for her to give that up.
Note to men: When y'all get women pregnant, you guys are the only ones who are capable if leaving the situation. If a woman were to leave, they'd be judged, hearing things such as, what kind of mother just leaves their child? Or what was she thinking? She must be crazy! But if a man leaves, people give all kinds of excuses like, maybe he wasn't ready! Or maybe he was scared! My question is, what kind of bullshit us that? I mean can a woman not be scared? Can she not be ready? So why isn't she justified in walking out but a man is!?
I, much like many of you readers, was raised by a single mother. She carried all of the weight and worked her ass off ( almost all of the time) trying to provide for us, us being me and my three siblings, the best way she knew how and we appreciated her for that. Showering her with double everything, especially love but we, as little girls, don't really appreciate our single mothers, until we become ones our selves and then, it's as if we see just how much our own mothers struggled.
Throughout your life of course there are struggles...Financial, mental and emotional but, that struggle is vastly doubled when you have a child. I wonder if a man has ever tried to consider our struggle and if so, did he just not give a damn because he was FREE!
Lets, for a minute, discuss the job description of a homemaker/ single mother...A typical week includes; waking up, getting the kids feed and bathed. Doing your daughters hair or going to get your sons hair cut. Sending them off to school - daycare or headstart, of course you'll have to wash your own ass and get yourself ready for the day. Then you'll head off to work - to make the money. At some point you'll have to go to the grocery store ( if you qualify for foodstamps, BONUS! ) If your job is working from home ( stay - at - home parent ) then you'll have to get your hustle on just to make/ get your money. Then it's time to clean house i.e, washing dishes and clothes, taking out the trash and cleaning that out, mowing the lawn on the weekend and damn if your car needs to be fixed. By the time you get a chance to sit down, its time to pick up the kids, do homework, start dinner, get the kids ready for school in the morning and yourself for the new day and then off to bed, only to get up and do it all over again, ALL BY YOURSELF.
I don't know about y'all but, I need a blunt, a drink or a cigarette after just listing the typical day of a single mother. Where's your FREEDOM single moms? Mothers day and if your lucky fathers day!
What bothers me is that single mothers will do all the work, for years sometimes, then one day - out of nowhere - the "fathers" will just pop up like...Okay, tag me in! As if he called time out for a while to catch his breath or something but will expect you to still be in the game. My feeling towards that is, okay since you've tagged back in ( I say back in because, you were in the game to create the child ) do I now get a time out, a chance to relax and catch my breath! But no, sometimes that single mom winds up taking care of not only their baby/ babies but, that nigga too. Lets face it, we as mothers will always carry the weight of all that happens in their homes. The sad part about that is, they/ we will always be under-appreciated by the men who should be on their knees, bowing down to pucker up and do some major ass kissing.
So right now, in this moment of reading this post, I ask that all the strong, independent, single, queens of their castle, women/ mothers, do this one thing...Close your eyes, lift your heads up, take a deep breath, relax and just be in this moment. Thinking only, to yourselves, this...
" I will make it through these times of dark feelings about when my time will come. My time is now, I have been blessed with children who will always love, respect and appreciate me. They have my back at all times and they'll never forget all the wonderful - as well as not so wonderful times we've had and will have together. No one can take that away from me, even if they try."
Remember this, a man is nothing without a strong woman beside him and he left you, which means he will continue to be NOTHING and miss out on all the joys a child can bring. When you move on and y'all will...It'll be his lost completely, y'all are queens in your own right and a king shall come, until then...Take a bow ladies cause all hats are off for all you single mothers.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
You Love Them Now Leave Them...Or Maybe Just Stay
Have you heard the expression, once a cheater, always a cheater? What about this statement, cheaters never change? If so you believed it didn't you? You've probably thought to yourselves, "I could never cheat on someone, or even stay with someone who's cheated on me!" Well guess what, everyone has had that same thought once or twice, until it happens...You cheat on your mate or your mate cheats on you.
The truth is, you can never really mean that statement because, you can't control two things, one being life and the other being your mate. When you're in a deeply committed relationship, things happen or they don't. What I mean by that is, people change, they tend to stop doing certain things their partner once was fond of or they start doing things their partner grows tried of.
Now, hold on a sec. I am in no way placing blame on which ever person did the cheating, what I am saying however, is that the art of cheating is much like the art of dancing or making a baby, it takes two! Which simply means the so called "victim" isn't really so innocent on their part. They don't really hold all the blame but they can't necessarily cry "wolf" either.
For a moment, lets focus on the cheater. Make no mistake about it, YOU ARE WRONG! But what was your reason for cheating in the first place? Did she/he not give you enough attention? Did he/she stop giving up the booty? Did you need someone to talk to and she/he didn't make the time to listen or support or acknowledge you? Were you board, so you sought out some man/woman to fulfill the element of surprise, as a way of keeping you on your toes, much like your mate once did when y'all first began dating?
Whatever the reason, something began to change in your relationship or maybe just in you so you went for what you thought was a quick fix, something to do to make your mate take notice and either reprimand you or throw in the towel all together. Now before I completely blow yawls mind with my theory on this tragic sometimes fatal end to many relationships, lets discuss the "victim" better known as the one who got cheated on. The reason I said you can't really cry "wolf" or place blame is because you've had to have done something, lets face it, men/women don't just cheat for no reason, unless their polygamist!
So what did you start or stop doing? Did you loose confidence in yourself or - in a womans' case - Did you loose confidence or gain way too much confidence about yourself? Did you start worrying about your needs only and stopped caring about his/hers? Did you become even more lazy (come on, everyone can be lazy) like some kind of couch potato? Did you change your mind about having children, knowing your mate desperately wanted them? Did you loose your attraction for your mate and stopped wanting to have sex with him/her? Did you work all the time, so ultimately that's all you began to care about? Did you mistakenly ask for a threesome, in hopes of spicing things up as way of fixing whatever was broken, in your relationship? If so that was like placing a band-aid on a cut, eventually the bandage gets wet and falls off! Did you want out but waited for your partner to throw in the towel, so you wouldn't have too? Whatever you did or didn't do, I'm sorry to say, might have played a part in why he/she cheated on you in the first place. So again you can't cry "wolf" cause, in my opinion, you knew something like this was coming! So forgive me if I don't but into the talk about you being a "VICTIM", hell for all I know, you could have been getting yourself a little booty on the side, while your mate was cheating.
Okay, ready for my mind blowing theory? Here it is...The reason men/women cheat, in my opinion, is because of the lack of COMMUNICATION!! There's a lot of things that can go missing in a relationship, before it completely falls apart, Trust, sex, and compassion. Then there's COMMUNICATION, respect and love. All these things tend to go in order, much like the stages of grief but once the communication dies, you have two options...Stay with them or leave them! If you decide to stay, be very clear that you're choosing to work - bust yo ass - to rebuild the lose of trust, sex and compassion. You will have to be vulnerable with your mate and COMMUNICATE with them about everything that went wrong between the two of you, what you want out of the relationship now and where to go from here - the next step. Understand, this process will be hard, very hard but worth it if you still love your mate. But should you choose to leave, don't wait until the love and respect is gone, especially if y'all have children, just put your big boy draws/big girl panties on and as I like to say, "CUT THE CORD." Be honest with him/her and tell them out right, the relationship isn't working for you anymore, otherwise you'd be playing a game that both of you will loose especially if there's still love between both or you. Lets be honest, if y'all were to stay together just for the sake of not wanting to be the first one to throw in the towel, would you really be cool with seeing the man/woman, you still love, with a different woman/man?
Now, I'm no expert, I could very well be wrong, I'm just speaking on behalf of things I know to be true but if that's not good enough for you readers...Well I don't know, I guess you'll have to experience cheating or being cheated on for yourself!
The truth is, you can never really mean that statement because, you can't control two things, one being life and the other being your mate. When you're in a deeply committed relationship, things happen or they don't. What I mean by that is, people change, they tend to stop doing certain things their partner once was fond of or they start doing things their partner grows tried of.
Now, hold on a sec. I am in no way placing blame on which ever person did the cheating, what I am saying however, is that the art of cheating is much like the art of dancing or making a baby, it takes two! Which simply means the so called "victim" isn't really so innocent on their part. They don't really hold all the blame but they can't necessarily cry "wolf" either.
For a moment, lets focus on the cheater. Make no mistake about it, YOU ARE WRONG! But what was your reason for cheating in the first place? Did she/he not give you enough attention? Did he/she stop giving up the booty? Did you need someone to talk to and she/he didn't make the time to listen or support or acknowledge you? Were you board, so you sought out some man/woman to fulfill the element of surprise, as a way of keeping you on your toes, much like your mate once did when y'all first began dating?
Whatever the reason, something began to change in your relationship or maybe just in you so you went for what you thought was a quick fix, something to do to make your mate take notice and either reprimand you or throw in the towel all together. Now before I completely blow yawls mind with my theory on this tragic sometimes fatal end to many relationships, lets discuss the "victim" better known as the one who got cheated on. The reason I said you can't really cry "wolf" or place blame is because you've had to have done something, lets face it, men/women don't just cheat for no reason, unless their polygamist!
So what did you start or stop doing? Did you loose confidence in yourself or - in a womans' case - Did you loose confidence or gain way too much confidence about yourself? Did you start worrying about your needs only and stopped caring about his/hers? Did you become even more lazy (come on, everyone can be lazy) like some kind of couch potato? Did you change your mind about having children, knowing your mate desperately wanted them? Did you loose your attraction for your mate and stopped wanting to have sex with him/her? Did you work all the time, so ultimately that's all you began to care about? Did you mistakenly ask for a threesome, in hopes of spicing things up as way of fixing whatever was broken, in your relationship? If so that was like placing a band-aid on a cut, eventually the bandage gets wet and falls off! Did you want out but waited for your partner to throw in the towel, so you wouldn't have too? Whatever you did or didn't do, I'm sorry to say, might have played a part in why he/she cheated on you in the first place. So again you can't cry "wolf" cause, in my opinion, you knew something like this was coming! So forgive me if I don't but into the talk about you being a "VICTIM", hell for all I know, you could have been getting yourself a little booty on the side, while your mate was cheating.
Okay, ready for my mind blowing theory? Here it is...The reason men/women cheat, in my opinion, is because of the lack of COMMUNICATION!! There's a lot of things that can go missing in a relationship, before it completely falls apart, Trust, sex, and compassion. Then there's COMMUNICATION, respect and love. All these things tend to go in order, much like the stages of grief but once the communication dies, you have two options...Stay with them or leave them! If you decide to stay, be very clear that you're choosing to work - bust yo ass - to rebuild the lose of trust, sex and compassion. You will have to be vulnerable with your mate and COMMUNICATE with them about everything that went wrong between the two of you, what you want out of the relationship now and where to go from here - the next step. Understand, this process will be hard, very hard but worth it if you still love your mate. But should you choose to leave, don't wait until the love and respect is gone, especially if y'all have children, just put your big boy draws/big girl panties on and as I like to say, "CUT THE CORD." Be honest with him/her and tell them out right, the relationship isn't working for you anymore, otherwise you'd be playing a game that both of you will loose especially if there's still love between both or you. Lets be honest, if y'all were to stay together just for the sake of not wanting to be the first one to throw in the towel, would you really be cool with seeing the man/woman, you still love, with a different woman/man?
Now, I'm no expert, I could very well be wrong, I'm just speaking on behalf of things I know to be true but if that's not good enough for you readers...Well I don't know, I guess you'll have to experience cheating or being cheated on for yourself!
Sex...M.I.A
Ah the teenage years, the years where if you are engaging in any sexual activities, it is the best activity in your life! It beats playing football, basketball, soccer, track/cross country running. It beats cheer-leading, dance, acting, and poetry, but don't get me wrong, theses activities are great to participate in, I like to think of them as...Foreplay! Something that will eventually lead to - getting it on, doing the "do," the "grown-up," or as Snoop would call it, sexual seduction. Which makes this activity awesome!!
Now before I go any deeper, pun intended! When you're young, parents are absolutely accurate in saying things such as, "Sex is not something for KIDS" or "Wait until you're old enough." They tell/warn you about sex before you have it because, while they already know you're thinking about it, they want you to THINK about it. Did you know, each time you have sex, you give that person (or people, no judgement) a part of you and the part you give is whatever your partner chooses to remember about yawls, very personal, very private encounter? The memory will never go away, weather it's very good or very - very bad, and I should know, (just take a look/ read at my old post entitled You People You). So if you do nothing else do these four things before you have sex;
Sex is like a bear in hibernation, it's as if you're lying dormant from birth to the age when you first loose your virginity and once you do, it's as if the only thing on your mind is, when can I do it again? I don't know or can't speak for on behalf of all women but I can speak for me...Sex is like a bowel of frosted flakes, it's GRRREAT! Especially if you or at the very least your partner knows what to do and how to do it. To quote Bruce Leroy, in one of my favorite movies, "The Last Dragon" you'll need someone who can, "SHOW YOU SOME MOVES!" At least until you - yourself get into the swing of things. Once you do though, get ready, cause you'll be in for the time of your life!
There's literally so many different positions to try and ways to be bent that your teenage years are really the best years to engage in sexual activities such as, the stand up sixty-nine, the downward facing dog ( that's not just a yoga pose people), some back seat, or if you're like me, front seat action! Everyone loves getting it from the back (not in the ass!), but if you're into that go for it! Getting and giving head isn't to bad either, especially getting! I mean really, who doesn't enjoy waking up to some tongue action in between the streets of right and left leg? Hell any action in between those "streets" is ridiculous in the am!
One of my reasons for liking sex at this stage is because of the sneaking, the fear of almost getting caught, in the bathroom, in the living-room, in the closet of your bedroom, shit pulling an R-Kelly and enjoying a little quickie in the kitchen ( on the table, over by the stove, or on the counter, by the buttered rolls). Anyone up for a little game of don't get caught outside also revered to as a quick game of hide and go get some, between you and your "lova man" or "lova girl." That thrill I get of can/did you see me ? Gets me going every time.
Love making is cool, when you find the love of your life but in my opinion, making love should be made when you really love or are in love with someone, not just love making with the one you're with...That's why that category is restricted, and the only one who has access to that area is my husband. But before I was married, I explored the area of fucking! Rough sex is in a word...Amazing. Having, in your mind, the unlimited use of come get some baby, take me - it's yours, tie me up, smack my ass, leave me a few "love" tags, as known as hickeys, pull my hair, bite me, slam me into the wall and have your way with me was amazing because, if you did get bruised, you could always blame it on whatever sport you were into.Yeah, the teenage years where there was a lot of action, especially on the weekends, when you'd be held up in your very own little piece of "sex heaven" with your boyfriend/girlfriend, fuck buddy or maybe lying about where you were going to be, in order to go sneak a quick session in over their house. Shit those were the days!
Then somewhere along the lines all that sex STOPS! Not because you've gotten board but because you've gotten busy, busy working, busy graduating and heading to college, busy having children and careers and through all that busy business, your sex life went from being very popular to very smokers and goths only. And then you're married and you're children require food, time, attention, doctor visits, oh and that house isn't going to clean its self! You'd be lucky to get a babysitter, just to get some alone time with your man (or woman) and when you do, you're tired or arguing about why y'all haven't had sex in a while, instead of actually having sex while y'all have the time to do so.
Conversations that once began with the sentence, "How do you want it?" Now begin with the sentence, "When do you want to?" Before you know or realize that sex has went ROGUE, it's been an entire month and you've only had sex maybe once but that time doesn't really count cause it was some finger or hand action and nobody came or maybe you did cum but were too upset, from the non-penetration to give a shit.
Then one day when you're watching Showtime movies and a sex scene pops up, you look at your man or woman and y'all realize y'all remember now whats missing in yawls relationship, marriage or partnership...The sex has been M.I.A! You both say, "DAMN" with your eyes and then quickly realize your next order of business, to get butt naked and have some Marvin Gay,"sexual healing" finally satisfying the urge of having sex, remembering the feeling of deep penetration in a cozy, wet, warm, place of pure goodness, wanting to keep yawls sex record on repeat, stopping only to smoke y'all a cigarette and take a cat nap in order to recoup for another round of good old fashioned SEX.
Now before I go any deeper, pun intended! When you're young, parents are absolutely accurate in saying things such as, "Sex is not something for KIDS" or "Wait until you're old enough." They tell/warn you about sex before you have it because, while they already know you're thinking about it, they want you to THINK about it. Did you know, each time you have sex, you give that person (or people, no judgement) a part of you and the part you give is whatever your partner chooses to remember about yawls, very personal, very private encounter? The memory will never go away, weather it's very good or very - very bad, and I should know, (just take a look/ read at my old post entitled You People You). So if you do nothing else do these four things before you have sex;
- Get birth control and have it, at all times, cause there is no such thing as, "Well I wasn't trying to get pregnant!"
- Know the person you want to have sex with because, he could be crazy, deranged, dumb as a box of rocks, gay (it happens, not to me, but hey you never know) or he/she could be related to you and that will fuck you up mentally.
- Wear a condom! Even if he says he's allergic! Hell he doesn't know your allergies, you could be allergic to pregnancy...the very thought about having a baby to soon, might make you break out in hives.
- Go get checked up - out - around even under, regularly, just in case you say he's clean or she says she is, you'll never know how clean if you don't take "YO" ass to the doctor!! Had to get ghetto for a sec.
Sex is like a bear in hibernation, it's as if you're lying dormant from birth to the age when you first loose your virginity and once you do, it's as if the only thing on your mind is, when can I do it again? I don't know or can't speak for on behalf of all women but I can speak for me...Sex is like a bowel of frosted flakes, it's GRRREAT! Especially if you or at the very least your partner knows what to do and how to do it. To quote Bruce Leroy, in one of my favorite movies, "The Last Dragon" you'll need someone who can, "SHOW YOU SOME MOVES!" At least until you - yourself get into the swing of things. Once you do though, get ready, cause you'll be in for the time of your life!
There's literally so many different positions to try and ways to be bent that your teenage years are really the best years to engage in sexual activities such as, the stand up sixty-nine, the downward facing dog ( that's not just a yoga pose people), some back seat, or if you're like me, front seat action! Everyone loves getting it from the back (not in the ass!), but if you're into that go for it! Getting and giving head isn't to bad either, especially getting! I mean really, who doesn't enjoy waking up to some tongue action in between the streets of right and left leg? Hell any action in between those "streets" is ridiculous in the am!
One of my reasons for liking sex at this stage is because of the sneaking, the fear of almost getting caught, in the bathroom, in the living-room, in the closet of your bedroom, shit pulling an R-Kelly and enjoying a little quickie in the kitchen ( on the table, over by the stove, or on the counter, by the buttered rolls). Anyone up for a little game of don't get caught outside also revered to as a quick game of hide and go get some, between you and your "lova man" or "lova girl." That thrill I get of can/did you see me ? Gets me going every time.
Love making is cool, when you find the love of your life but in my opinion, making love should be made when you really love or are in love with someone, not just love making with the one you're with...That's why that category is restricted, and the only one who has access to that area is my husband. But before I was married, I explored the area of fucking! Rough sex is in a word...Amazing. Having, in your mind, the unlimited use of come get some baby, take me - it's yours, tie me up, smack my ass, leave me a few "love" tags, as known as hickeys, pull my hair, bite me, slam me into the wall and have your way with me was amazing because, if you did get bruised, you could always blame it on whatever sport you were into.Yeah, the teenage years where there was a lot of action, especially on the weekends, when you'd be held up in your very own little piece of "sex heaven" with your boyfriend/girlfriend, fuck buddy or maybe lying about where you were going to be, in order to go sneak a quick session in over their house. Shit those were the days!
Then somewhere along the lines all that sex STOPS! Not because you've gotten board but because you've gotten busy, busy working, busy graduating and heading to college, busy having children and careers and through all that busy business, your sex life went from being very popular to very smokers and goths only. And then you're married and you're children require food, time, attention, doctor visits, oh and that house isn't going to clean its self! You'd be lucky to get a babysitter, just to get some alone time with your man (or woman) and when you do, you're tired or arguing about why y'all haven't had sex in a while, instead of actually having sex while y'all have the time to do so.
Conversations that once began with the sentence, "How do you want it?" Now begin with the sentence, "When do you want to?" Before you know or realize that sex has went ROGUE, it's been an entire month and you've only had sex maybe once but that time doesn't really count cause it was some finger or hand action and nobody came or maybe you did cum but were too upset, from the non-penetration to give a shit.
Then one day when you're watching Showtime movies and a sex scene pops up, you look at your man or woman and y'all realize y'all remember now whats missing in yawls relationship, marriage or partnership...The sex has been M.I.A! You both say, "DAMN" with your eyes and then quickly realize your next order of business, to get butt naked and have some Marvin Gay,"sexual healing" finally satisfying the urge of having sex, remembering the feeling of deep penetration in a cozy, wet, warm, place of pure goodness, wanting to keep yawls sex record on repeat, stopping only to smoke y'all a cigarette and take a cat nap in order to recoup for another round of good old fashioned SEX.
Friday, January 16, 2015
...Kids
First off let me just start by saying children are a blessing from God and I am so greatfull to have been blessed with four of my own. That being said, kids are weird, crazy, wonderful, sometimes defiant/ bad little "adults," who crack the hell out of me! The shit they say and do is so ridiculous...Take for instance my four, I'll start with the most recent child of mine Breaija.
Breaija or as I like to call her my baby suga mama! She likes to try and be a big girl, she'll be sitting down somewhere and will damn near break her neck trying to sit all the way up - the struggle is real in the that one because she really wants to not only sit up like she's able to do so but she will try to pull on her shirt to get out of her swing, her car seat, even her bed! She's mastered the art of yelling now too, so when she's lonely, she talks to herself (quietly at first), then she yelaks - yell talks - probably thinking to herself the whole time, "I know somebody hears me!" Then she'll wanna talk at the wrong time...I breastfeed, so while she has the boob, in her mouth, this chick will start engaging in conversation with me all to, two seconds later, get mad at me. Not because I'm not talking to her but because she is no longer getting any boob milk!
Which brings me to diaper changing time or as Breaija would lie to make it, peek-a-boo! Her little game of legs down, legs up, where she will literally get her laugh on as her dad attempts to change her butt...He'll go to unstrap the diaper - legs down, then he'll attempt to pull the diaper down to wipe her butt - legs up and that will go on for the entire three minutes it takes to change her butt, all the while she is smiling and laughing at him. Don't let her yawn because within that moment Barack Obama has just sent the troops to war and they lost. She flips out! I guess it's because of all the wind that she swallows or something and then she'll have the nerve to look at us like, "How dare you make me yawn!" Or my baby suga will fight herself and if not herself, then she'll fight her stuffed bear. little boo-boo and when we go to check on her she'll have little boo-boo in a chock hold with the covers pulled over both their heads, can you say DANGEROUS? Better yet CRAZY! But you gotta love that girl, especially when she smiles at you, looking like some little baby doll.
Next there's Alijah a.k.a fat dude, a.k.a little A.R and here lately we've been addressing him as "girly dude!" This little boy is so smart - so smart that it's funny just listening and watching him. He will mimic everything, the first time he mimicked me cursing, it blew my mind, cause it came from outta nowhere. I do this thing where I start singing the clean up song, "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," well this time I decided to say, "everybody clean the fuck up," at the end of the song and Alijah, who was only one at the time, repeated me and it started out so cute...Then out of nowhere this dude says, "bean the fuck up!" Mind you back then bean was how he said clean but when he said, "bean the fuck up," It came out all demonic and weird that I just couldn't stop laughing. All the while he was looking at me like, yay I just did something good, that made mom laugh and his dad was looking at him like no! What? Where did that come from?
The first time he used the big toilet was so funny because, this little boy would act as if the toilet was going to come alive and eat him. He was good when we sat him on it but as soon as we let go...This dude went from smiling, with security and comfort, to stop the presses, hold up - wait a minute, what happen to your hands? His eyes got so big and then he began to panic, probably thinking, "Oh my Lord, their feeding me to this thing, what do I do? How do I get off?" Next thing I know, this little boy starts trying to get up and ends up falling in! Can you say Terrified? He started screaming and looking around for help as if he was two seconds away from the end of his life. When I got him out, he was shacking, his booty was dripping wet and he had this look about that said, "Where the hell have you been mom? I almost did't make it!" From then on, whenever we'd put him on the toilet, he screamed murder, murder she wrote.
We call him fat dude cause this little n-word, can eat! I would fix him his plate and I swear you would hear a countdown in his head...3.2.1 attack! And he would. One night, I made spaghetti and then gave him a piece of bread and a cup of milk. This guy fucked up that spaghetti so tough, that when it was gone he must have licked the bowl to get all the excess sauce, swallowed that piece of bread and I honestly think that milk evaporated! That's how fast he drank it. When he was finished, he busted up in my room, spaghetti sauce all on his forehead, spaghetti noodles, with bits of meat on them, hanging off his chin, bread crumbs on his fingers, which were covered in spaghetti sauce too and a milk mustache, talking bout, "I'm done eating my food mom!" My only thought was...Well, at least I know he likes spaghetti!
He loves his sisters but he's not one to let them bully him. My five year old Jhayanna would always mess with him when they'd play, she would snatch shit from him and push him off the bed and tell him no whenever he'd go to do something. I guess he had been keeping track to all the shit she would do to him cause, one day she went to grab his blocks from him and all we heard was, "NO!" In this little baby voice, a loud knock, followed by a, "Ouch lijah, don't hit me with that - that hurt." I ran up, to see what happen and Jhayanna was holding her forehead telling me Alijah had just hit her in the head, with his block. Of course Alijah got yelled at for hitting on her because, she is a girl and boys don't hit girls, which crushed his little spirit but I told Jhayanna, that's what she gets for fucking with him...He was getting older and he was going to start returning the favor of being mean.
He is now in this girly stage of his life, where he wants to either cry about everything, say okay all the damn time, say yes for and to every damn thing or say some crap about he's not or as he would say, "I'm not!" Now, him saying yes to everything or I'm not, isn't so bad because, well...Who cares? For example, we'll say, "Alijah, do you wanna eat some boo-boo?" Just playing with him and he'll say yes mom-dad or I'm not and then look all evil or his version of evil cause, he's handsome as all get out. But that crying b.s and that okay shit, is why he's earned the name "girly dude." This girly n-word will start crying cause he has to use the bathroom, which is crazy, seeing as how he is now fully potty trained and isn't afraid of the toilet anymore. He cries cause he doesn't want to be alone or cause his dad plays with him or cause he doesn't want to ride in the stroller or cause he doesn't wanna walk or cause he'll see me making his food and isn't able to get it yet because it's hot...He just cries! And Lord forbid we say anything to him when he's in the crying mood cause then he'll be in the screaming and making weird ass faces mood or he'll hit us with an okay. But this okay is the girly-est okay you've ever heard from a boy, it lingers...For example, we'll tell him to do something like put his pajamas on and he'll move slow as hell, put his thumb in his mouth and then stare at us, like he forgot what we just told him to do, then when we repeat the direction to him, he'll say, "Ohh-kaayy!! What the hell is that? I mean, this dude sounds like the nigga from school dance...Ohh-kaayy! But you gotta love him.
Then there's Jhayanna, whose in a class all by herself and she gets there riding a short bus with two seats, the drivers seat and hers. Can you say mood disorder? This little five year, fifty year old cries at everything and she's the biggest bully, in the house, at school and outside. This girl starts her day off crying, she wakes up and it's sunny - she cries, it's raining - she cries, she's sad - she cries, she's happy - she cries, she farts - she cries, we ask her how school was today or what's wrong, hell we ask he any damn thing and wait for it....SHE CRIES!
She's the one that, to ask her a question of any kind, is like waiting on the return of Jesus, cause that's how long it'll take her to answer. One day we asked her what her problem was because, she was being so mean to everybody and for about thirty minutes she stood there making this weird ass noise, "a-a-a, because - be-be-be- cause"...When she finally answered me I promise you, I had cleaned up the entire kitchen and started dinner all for her to say, "Y'all don't treat me like an adult!" My first thought was, bitch you're not an adult! But of course you can't say that to a child, instead I said, "Because you're not an adult!" Only after laughing at her. I then said, "I'll treat you like an adult but first I need to make sure you meet the criteria...Do you have a job, that we don't know about? Can you cook or wash clothes or go to the Walmart to get the groceries for this month? No! Okay, well can you at least find your own clothes everyday, wash your butt, without me or your dad telling you to? Can you do your own hair or at least have the funds to go get it done? Can you wash the dishes, change Breaijas' diaper or brush your teeth, without someone telling you to do so? No! Well halla at me when you can okay and then we'll talk, you know what she did then? CRIED!! That girl is something else, as a matter of fact, I'm going to move on cause, in the words of my husband, "You can write a horror novel, when it comes to her"...Stay Tuned!
Moving on to Imonne (Imani), this girl can be so blank at times, sort of like a dial tone or when someone dies at the hospital and they flat line - that's what she puts us through at homework time. Other times, she can't help but be weird or make weird faces...One day I watched this girl run to the chair but before she sat down, she broke out in some robotic, stiff neck movement like she had to auto program sitting down, then when she took her seat and realized I had be watching her, she quickly said, "what?" With this big ol' smile on her face, showing nothing but gums cause she grinds her teeth so much, that she literally has to open wide, just for you to notice she actually has teeth in there.
She is so energetic too, our very own energizer bunny, that one. Actually, the next time I have some almost dead batteries, I think I'll give them to her and have her rub them together while doing her favorite activity...running! That girl can go. One day she literally woke up and ran around the house for everything, it didn't matter if she was using the bathroom - her legs would be moving while sitting down on the toilet. If she was cleaning her room - she'd run, Imonne can't even sit still long enough to watch t.v.
She's so nosy too, she has to know everything your doing before, during and after you do it, so to watch a new movie with her is so annoying cause she'll ask all those questions about the characters in there. Then if we tell her to be quite, her face drops to her toe nails and...flat line! Like we took her heart out of her chest cavity, did the heel-toe on it and then blew it up! Her feelings would be hurt for all of two seconds until, you've guessed it, she's back up bopping around.
Yeah she's a weird one too. The weekends are like a game show in her mind cause she doesn't play twenty-one questions, it's more like forty-eight. She'll have a new question every minute of the entire day...Her favorite question is, "Do we have school in the morning?" She will ask that question like Nelly, over and over again, even if their own break! It all starts on the last day of the school week, as soon as her dad picks her up, "Dad, do we have school in the morning?" As if she didn't already know that it was Friday, so the answer was no.
But over all, through all the weird craziness, those kids are all kinds of caring and compassionate. They can be bad but each one of them have qualities that couldn't be bought, just taught over time and honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. Having them is like having my own special deluxe pizza and I love everything about them.
Breaija or as I like to call her my baby suga mama! She likes to try and be a big girl, she'll be sitting down somewhere and will damn near break her neck trying to sit all the way up - the struggle is real in the that one because she really wants to not only sit up like she's able to do so but she will try to pull on her shirt to get out of her swing, her car seat, even her bed! She's mastered the art of yelling now too, so when she's lonely, she talks to herself (quietly at first), then she yelaks - yell talks - probably thinking to herself the whole time, "I know somebody hears me!" Then she'll wanna talk at the wrong time...I breastfeed, so while she has the boob, in her mouth, this chick will start engaging in conversation with me all to, two seconds later, get mad at me. Not because I'm not talking to her but because she is no longer getting any boob milk!
Which brings me to diaper changing time or as Breaija would lie to make it, peek-a-boo! Her little game of legs down, legs up, where she will literally get her laugh on as her dad attempts to change her butt...He'll go to unstrap the diaper - legs down, then he'll attempt to pull the diaper down to wipe her butt - legs up and that will go on for the entire three minutes it takes to change her butt, all the while she is smiling and laughing at him. Don't let her yawn because within that moment Barack Obama has just sent the troops to war and they lost. She flips out! I guess it's because of all the wind that she swallows or something and then she'll have the nerve to look at us like, "How dare you make me yawn!" Or my baby suga will fight herself and if not herself, then she'll fight her stuffed bear. little boo-boo and when we go to check on her she'll have little boo-boo in a chock hold with the covers pulled over both their heads, can you say DANGEROUS? Better yet CRAZY! But you gotta love that girl, especially when she smiles at you, looking like some little baby doll.
Next there's Alijah a.k.a fat dude, a.k.a little A.R and here lately we've been addressing him as "girly dude!" This little boy is so smart - so smart that it's funny just listening and watching him. He will mimic everything, the first time he mimicked me cursing, it blew my mind, cause it came from outta nowhere. I do this thing where I start singing the clean up song, "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," well this time I decided to say, "everybody clean the fuck up," at the end of the song and Alijah, who was only one at the time, repeated me and it started out so cute...Then out of nowhere this dude says, "bean the fuck up!" Mind you back then bean was how he said clean but when he said, "bean the fuck up," It came out all demonic and weird that I just couldn't stop laughing. All the while he was looking at me like, yay I just did something good, that made mom laugh and his dad was looking at him like no! What? Where did that come from?
The first time he used the big toilet was so funny because, this little boy would act as if the toilet was going to come alive and eat him. He was good when we sat him on it but as soon as we let go...This dude went from smiling, with security and comfort, to stop the presses, hold up - wait a minute, what happen to your hands? His eyes got so big and then he began to panic, probably thinking, "Oh my Lord, their feeding me to this thing, what do I do? How do I get off?" Next thing I know, this little boy starts trying to get up and ends up falling in! Can you say Terrified? He started screaming and looking around for help as if he was two seconds away from the end of his life. When I got him out, he was shacking, his booty was dripping wet and he had this look about that said, "Where the hell have you been mom? I almost did't make it!" From then on, whenever we'd put him on the toilet, he screamed murder, murder she wrote.
We call him fat dude cause this little n-word, can eat! I would fix him his plate and I swear you would hear a countdown in his head...3.2.1 attack! And he would. One night, I made spaghetti and then gave him a piece of bread and a cup of milk. This guy fucked up that spaghetti so tough, that when it was gone he must have licked the bowl to get all the excess sauce, swallowed that piece of bread and I honestly think that milk evaporated! That's how fast he drank it. When he was finished, he busted up in my room, spaghetti sauce all on his forehead, spaghetti noodles, with bits of meat on them, hanging off his chin, bread crumbs on his fingers, which were covered in spaghetti sauce too and a milk mustache, talking bout, "I'm done eating my food mom!" My only thought was...Well, at least I know he likes spaghetti!
He loves his sisters but he's not one to let them bully him. My five year old Jhayanna would always mess with him when they'd play, she would snatch shit from him and push him off the bed and tell him no whenever he'd go to do something. I guess he had been keeping track to all the shit she would do to him cause, one day she went to grab his blocks from him and all we heard was, "NO!" In this little baby voice, a loud knock, followed by a, "Ouch lijah, don't hit me with that - that hurt." I ran up, to see what happen and Jhayanna was holding her forehead telling me Alijah had just hit her in the head, with his block. Of course Alijah got yelled at for hitting on her because, she is a girl and boys don't hit girls, which crushed his little spirit but I told Jhayanna, that's what she gets for fucking with him...He was getting older and he was going to start returning the favor of being mean.
He is now in this girly stage of his life, where he wants to either cry about everything, say okay all the damn time, say yes for and to every damn thing or say some crap about he's not or as he would say, "I'm not!" Now, him saying yes to everything or I'm not, isn't so bad because, well...Who cares? For example, we'll say, "Alijah, do you wanna eat some boo-boo?" Just playing with him and he'll say yes mom-dad or I'm not and then look all evil or his version of evil cause, he's handsome as all get out. But that crying b.s and that okay shit, is why he's earned the name "girly dude." This girly n-word will start crying cause he has to use the bathroom, which is crazy, seeing as how he is now fully potty trained and isn't afraid of the toilet anymore. He cries cause he doesn't want to be alone or cause his dad plays with him or cause he doesn't want to ride in the stroller or cause he doesn't wanna walk or cause he'll see me making his food and isn't able to get it yet because it's hot...He just cries! And Lord forbid we say anything to him when he's in the crying mood cause then he'll be in the screaming and making weird ass faces mood or he'll hit us with an okay. But this okay is the girly-est okay you've ever heard from a boy, it lingers...For example, we'll tell him to do something like put his pajamas on and he'll move slow as hell, put his thumb in his mouth and then stare at us, like he forgot what we just told him to do, then when we repeat the direction to him, he'll say, "Ohh-kaayy!! What the hell is that? I mean, this dude sounds like the nigga from school dance...Ohh-kaayy! But you gotta love him.
Then there's Jhayanna, whose in a class all by herself and she gets there riding a short bus with two seats, the drivers seat and hers. Can you say mood disorder? This little five year, fifty year old cries at everything and she's the biggest bully, in the house, at school and outside. This girl starts her day off crying, she wakes up and it's sunny - she cries, it's raining - she cries, she's sad - she cries, she's happy - she cries, she farts - she cries, we ask her how school was today or what's wrong, hell we ask he any damn thing and wait for it....SHE CRIES!
Moving on to Imonne (Imani), this girl can be so blank at times, sort of like a dial tone or when someone dies at the hospital and they flat line - that's what she puts us through at homework time. Other times, she can't help but be weird or make weird faces...One day I watched this girl run to the chair but before she sat down, she broke out in some robotic, stiff neck movement like she had to auto program sitting down, then when she took her seat and realized I had be watching her, she quickly said, "what?" With this big ol' smile on her face, showing nothing but gums cause she grinds her teeth so much, that she literally has to open wide, just for you to notice she actually has teeth in there.
She is so energetic too, our very own energizer bunny, that one. Actually, the next time I have some almost dead batteries, I think I'll give them to her and have her rub them together while doing her favorite activity...running! That girl can go. One day she literally woke up and ran around the house for everything, it didn't matter if she was using the bathroom - her legs would be moving while sitting down on the toilet. If she was cleaning her room - she'd run, Imonne can't even sit still long enough to watch t.v.
She's so nosy too, she has to know everything your doing before, during and after you do it, so to watch a new movie with her is so annoying cause she'll ask all those questions about the characters in there. Then if we tell her to be quite, her face drops to her toe nails and...flat line! Like we took her heart out of her chest cavity, did the heel-toe on it and then blew it up! Her feelings would be hurt for all of two seconds until, you've guessed it, she's back up bopping around.
Yeah she's a weird one too. The weekends are like a game show in her mind cause she doesn't play twenty-one questions, it's more like forty-eight. She'll have a new question every minute of the entire day...Her favorite question is, "Do we have school in the morning?" She will ask that question like Nelly, over and over again, even if their own break! It all starts on the last day of the school week, as soon as her dad picks her up, "Dad, do we have school in the morning?" As if she didn't already know that it was Friday, so the answer was no.
But over all, through all the weird craziness, those kids are all kinds of caring and compassionate. They can be bad but each one of them have qualities that couldn't be bought, just taught over time and honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. Having them is like having my own special deluxe pizza and I love everything about them.
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